“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

[Anonymous]

This Maya Angelou quote hit me hard today. I give way too much of myself as a nanny.

I worked so hard with my former charge and his family. Above and beyond because I wanted the very best for my charge of three years (from his birth). I believed all the sentimental cards and words of my former employers about being part of the family forever and loving me so much. Two months ago I was suddenly fired when my charge started preschool full time and have been banned from seeing him ever again. I was an option to them - nothing more.

I have a new job now that pays much more, has better hours, has excellent benefits far and above my old job and is within walking distance rather than my former two hour commute. But I do miss my former charge and feel awful thinking about how he has no idea why someone who loved and cared for him suddenly disappeared.

I have ongoing relationships with all of my former charges except this last one and everyone is happy and adjusted.

I made my former charge and his parents a priority when all I ever was to them was a childcare option.

[Anonymous]

I know exactly how you feel. It's hard not to get attached but people's loyalties change as their needs change ?. People can be very selfish and fickle

[Anonymous]

You ate the hrlp--nothing more. Be kind to child but fo not love

[Anonymous]

Its a job..

[Anonymous]

Can we get back to the point of the thread without the same pathetic tangent the same troll brings up on every thread?!

I am sorry, OP. As the employer of a nanny, I would never cut you out of my child’s life. I see how hard our nanny works and how much she means to my daughter. But some mothers are jealous and very self-centered. I would not be the least bit surprised if this MB was threatened by OP’s relationship with her child.

[Anonymous]

Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we get back to the point of the thread without the same pathetic tangent the same troll brings up on every thread?!

I am sorry, OP. As the employer of a nanny, I would never cut you out of my child’s life. I see how hard our nanny works and how much she means to my daughter. But some mothers are jealous and very self-centered. I would not be the least bit surprised if this MB was threatened by OP’s relationship with her child.

This! I took care of twins from birth until they were ready for pre-K. I took care of them as they were my own. I would literally die for those kids. Their mom liked me ( I guess) but at the same I could feel her jealousy. I think she couldn't stand the idea of how EVERY BODY used to compliment me for how I would take of the boys. It was 6 month ago, and I still miss them badly. I just comfort myself looking at our pics and videos together. It has been a hard time for me being with out them. But as my friends say: I have to let it go

[Anonymous]

Why are you banned? Did things end badly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

To be fair, my mother fired nannies left and right, without having them say goodbye to me, and it was not a big deal to me. There were no "disastrous consequences".
While I'm doing things differently with my children and their nanny, I was not damaged by having nannies leave abruptly. Let's find a way to be kind to OP without being dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

To be fair, my mother fired nannies left and right, without having them say goodbye to me, and it was not a big deal to me. There were no "disastrous consequences".
While I'm doing things differently with my children and their nanny, I was not damaged by having nannies leave abruptly. Let's find a way to be kind to OP without being dramatic.

“Nannies”. You wrote “nannies” as in multiple caregivers. That is very different than having one loving nanny from birth who suddenly disappears. Having that one singular figure you depended on and loved simply vanish sets up an inherent memory of adult distrust. Someone who loves and cares for you every day basically can abandon you at anytime.

No drama - simply proven fact. Like the children in orphanages who suffer long term attachment disorder after just the first year of their life without conscious memory.

[Anonymous]

I'm never sad that I did the right thing even if someone else didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

To be fair, my mother fired nannies left and right, without having them say goodbye to me, and it was not a big deal to me. There were no "disastrous consequences".
While I'm doing things differently with my children and their nanny, I was not damaged by having nannies leave abruptly. Let's find a way to be kind to OP without being dramatic.

“Nannies”. You wrote “nannies” as in multiple caregivers. That is very different than having one loving nanny from birth who suddenly disappears. Having that one singular figure you depended on and loved simply vanish sets up an inherent memory of adult distrust. Someone who loves and cares for you every day basically can abandon you at anytime.

No drama - simply proven fact. Like the children in orphanages who suffer long term attachment disorder after just the first year of their life without conscious memory.

That's not abandonment if you are a paid caregiver. You are overvaluing your job. You are not a parent replacement.

[Anonymous]

As a MB, I’ll say it is difficult on a sensitive employer to have someone be so needy and in love with your children when you don’t love them in return (nothing personal, just hard to love someone with this kind of relationship at play). Don’t put so much emotional weight on a work situation. You can do a good job and enjoy it without being too emotionally entrenched. In no other field are the workers so entitled to relationships and love. Have some professional distance. The door swings both ways and I know that if I couldn’t pay you, you would not be in my life very often if at all. Why should I allow you access to my children forever or even say you are part of the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

To be fair, my mother fired nannies left and right, without having them say goodbye to me, and it was not a big deal to me. There were no "disastrous consequences".
While I'm doing things differently with my children and their nanny, I was not damaged by having nannies leave abruptly. Let's find a way to be kind to OP without being dramatic.

“Nannies”. You wrote “nannies” as in multiple caregivers. That is very different than having one loving nanny from birth who suddenly disappears. Having that one singular figure you depended on and loved simply vanish sets up an inherent memory of adult distrust. Someone who loves and cares for you every day basically can abandon you at anytime.

No drama - simply proven fact. Like the children in orphanages who suffer long term attachment disorder after just the first year of their life without conscious memory.

That's not abandonment if you are a paid caregiver. You are overvaluing your job. You are not a parent replacement.

I have never been a nanny. I am a psychologist who has seen many adults with early abandonment issues. Take or leave the advice. What happens to a person in the first five years of life matters greatly - good and bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a MB, I’ll say it is difficult on a sensitive employer to have someone be so needy and in love with your children when you don’t love them in return (nothing personal, just hard to love someone with this kind of relationship at play). Don’t put so much emotional weight on a work situation. You can do a good job and enjoy it without being too emotionally entrenched. In no other field are the workers so entitled to relationships and love. Have some professional distance. The door swings both ways and I know that if I couldn’t pay you, you would not be in my life very often if at all. Why should I allow you access to my children forever or even say you are part of the family?

OP here. Yes, I know. However when your employer floods you with the “I love you”, “You are a forever part of our family”, “You’re my best friend”, etc. it is hard not to internalize the statements.

And loving a child is part of the job - I think it is simply how nannies and preschool teachers are wired. You go the extra ten miles for the child.

But you are right, I will not believe any employer again. I was very lucky with my first two families. Not so with this third.