“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

To be fair, my mother fired nannies left and right, without having them say goodbye to me, and it was not a big deal to me. There were no "disastrous consequences".
While I'm doing things differently with my children and their nanny, I was not damaged by having nannies leave abruptly. Let's find a way to be kind to OP without being dramatic.

“Nannies”. You wrote “nannies” as in multiple caregivers. That is very different than having one loving nanny from birth who suddenly disappears. Having that one singular figure you depended on and loved simply vanish sets up an inherent memory of adult distrust. Someone who loves and cares for you every day basically can abandon you at anytime.

No drama - simply proven fact. Like the children in orphanages who suffer long term attachment disorder after just the first year of their life without conscious memory.

That's not abandonment if you are a paid caregiver. You are overvaluing your job. You are not a parent replacement.

You are psycho. Do you really think your child believes "she doesn't really love you because she's just the hired help"? A long term devoted nanny has a bond with your child that you don't have the capacity to fathom. But no worries, perhaps you never had a long term devoted nanny.

I've found some insecure mothers will keep the nanny door swinging just to prevent any potential bonding. One must pity them and their children. This is a perfect example of how family dysfunction transfers from one generation to the next. It's so sad.

Its not dysfunctional. Kids are going to have many caretakers from child care to teachers to coaches in their lives that come and go. It has nothing to do with being insecure. This is your job. Act professional. Jobs end. You cannot expect it to last a lifetime and they be a substitution for your family.

Perhaps you need to get educated about Reactive Attachment Disorder. Your ignorance is astounding.

One of the causes of RAD is "frequent shifting of primary caregivers" during the early foundational years of your child's life. The consequences can be lifelong.

This has become a common condition.
Do you even care?

Kids are not getting RAD from a nanny. Its the parents/parenting that is an issue. You sound nuts to think that. Many kids have nannies early on and don't remember them. My child cannot remember early caretakers or even some of the teachers from a few years ago. Its about you and your need and you are rationalizing it by saying it is damaging to the child.

RAD is not a child living with their parents in a stable home environment with a few nannies/caretakers who rotate. Kids go to day care change providers and they are fine. Its the parents and stable home life, not a daily caretaker, which isn't a parent replacement.

My husband definitely has always felt the loss of his grandfather, who was his “nanny”, and died suddenly when he was three. He has great parents but his grandfather suddenly not being there did hurt him and effected him all his life. It’s not the memory of his grandfather as much as the deep memory of loss and people being temporary.

And look - the bottom line in OP’s situation is that there is no need for the shocking loss of the nanny since she is willing to visit and smooth the transition. What OP’s former employer is doing is cruel to her child.

[Anonymous]

"Cruel" is the correct word for the parent. She's clearly unfit.

[Anonymous]

My daughter had the same nanny from birth until age 6, she was an excellent nanny and I feared it would be a hard transition when we moved (and had plans in place for phone calls, made photo books for both daughter and nanny to look back at their times together, and based on the advice of a counselor I consulted about the move gave them the same stuffed animal that my daughter could cuddle knowing nanny had the same one). I was really surprised about how quickly my daughter adjusted to the nanny's departure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter had the same nanny from birth until age 6, she was an excellent nanny and I feared it would be a hard transition when we moved (and had plans in place for phone calls, made photo books for both daughter and nanny to look back at their times together, and based on the advice of a counselor I consulted about the move gave them the same stuffed animal that my daughter could cuddle knowing nanny had the same one). I was really surprised about how quickly my daughter adjusted to the nanny's departure.

You handled it so well! What really worked in your benefit was moving out of the environment she shared with her nanny and the fact that she was older. Very different than my situation where our nanny just left us and we stayed with our three year old having the same life she shared with nanny - but without nanny. Nanny was her nearly 45 hour a week caregiver and buddy since birth. I would have loved if the nanny wanted to see her occasionally as I know it’s really hurt my daughter. We handled it wrong too because I was so angry at our nanny just quitting and disappearing.

I know my daughter is feeling the loss. Kills me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

To be fair, my mother fired nannies left and right, without having them say goodbye to me, and it was not a big deal to me. There were no "disastrous consequences".
While I'm doing things differently with my children and their nanny, I was not damaged by having nannies leave abruptly. Let's find a way to be kind to OP without being dramatic.

“Nannies”. You wrote “nannies” as in multiple caregivers. That is very different than having one loving nanny from birth who suddenly disappears. Having that one singular figure you depended on and loved simply vanish sets up an inherent memory of adult distrust. Someone who loves and cares for you every day basically can abandon you at anytime.

No drama - simply proven fact. Like the children in orphanages who suffer long term attachment disorder after just the first year of their life without conscious memory.

That's not abandonment if you are a paid caregiver. You are overvaluing your job. You are not a parent replacement.

You are psycho. Do you really think your child believes "she doesn't really love you because she's just the hired help"? A long term devoted nanny has a bond with your child that you don't have the capacity to fathom. But no worries, perhaps you never had a long term devoted nanny.

I've found some insecure mothers will keep the nanny door swinging just to prevent any potential bonding. One must pity them and their children. This is a perfect example of how family dysfunction transfers from one generation to the next. It's so sad.

Its not dysfunctional. Kids are going to have many caretakers from child care to teachers to coaches in their lives that come and go. It has nothing to do with being insecure. This is your job. Act professional. Jobs end. You cannot expect it to last a lifetime and they be a substitution for your family.

Perhaps you need to get educated about Reactive Attachment Disorder. Your ignorance is astounding.

One of the causes of RAD is "frequent shifting of primary caregivers" during the early foundational years of your child's life. The consequences can be lifelong.

This has become a common condition.
Do you even care?

Kids are not getting RAD from a nanny. Its the parents/parenting that is an issue. You sound nuts to think that. Many kids have nannies early on and don't remember them. My child cannot remember early caretakers or even some of the teachers from a few years ago. Its about you and your need and you are rationalizing it by saying it is damaging to the child.

RAD is not a child living with their parents in a stable home environment with a few nannies/caretakers who rotate. Kids go to day care change providers and they are fine. Its the parents and stable home life, not a daily caretaker, which isn't a parent replacement.

My husband definitely has always felt the loss of his grandfather, who was his “nanny”, and died suddenly when he was three. He has great parents but his grandfather suddenly not being there did hurt him and effected him all his life. It’s not the memory of his grandfather as much as the deep memory of loss and people being temporary.

And look - the bottom line in OP’s situation is that there is no need for the shocking loss of the nanny since she is willing to visit and smooth the transition. What OP’s former employer is doing is cruel to her child.

A grandparent isn't a nanny and is a very different situation. That is also still not RAD. You don't seem to understand what RAD is. OP is having issues separating and terminating as an adult. This isn't about the child, but about an adult whose job it was.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the replies.

Here is the truth: I was an exceptional and loving nanny to this child - always going above and beyond for the child’s sake - and I know the bond this child and I had/have. The mother is not allowing us to see each other out of spite and misplaced anger on her part (She heard I have a much better job now and am happy).

I have searched my heart, talked to psychologists, and searched every memory - I know the truth. The mother is dead wrong and hurting her child (the father is weak and goes along with everything she says).

Of course I will get past stuff missing the child but will never stop loving this amazing kid that I helped raise or stop wanting the very best for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies.

Here is the truth: I was an exceptional and loving nanny to this child - always going above and beyond for the child’s sake - and I know the bond this child and I had/have. The mother is not allowing us to see each other out of spite and misplaced anger on her part (She heard I have a much better job now and am happy).

I have searched my heart, talked to psychologists, and searched every memory - I know the truth. The mother is dead wrong and hurting her child (the father is weak and goes along with everything she says).

Of course I will get past stuff missing the child but will never stop loving this amazing kid that I helped raise or stop wanting the very best for the child.

God only knows how many children are suffering from the sudden disappearance of their longtime loving caregiver. RAD can very much be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies.

Here is the truth: I was an exceptional and loving nanny to this child - always going above and beyond for the child’s sake - and I know the bond this child and I had/have. The mother is not allowing us to see each other out of spite and misplaced anger on her part (She heard I have a much better job now and am happy).

I have searched my heart, talked to psychologists, and searched every memory - I know the truth. The mother is dead wrong and hurting her child (the father is weak and goes along with everything she says).

Of course I will get past stuff missing the child but will never stop loving this amazing kid that I helped raise or stop wanting the very best for the child.

God only knows how many children are suffering from the sudden disappearance of their longtime loving caregiver. RAD can very much be an issue.

OP again. I have no idea about RAD. What I do know is that I have already transitioned two other children (two different jobs) to school and my absence without abandoning them. Both kids are still very much a part of my life and we’re even friends with the charge whose mother won’t let me see her. I also never charged one penny for babysitting my former charges.

As Isaid, I know the truth now. I will still love my new charge with all my heart and do what is best for him.

[Anonymous]

You say you know the truth but you keep starting new threads. Please move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you know the truth but you keep starting new threads. Please move on.

No, I do have! Stop pretending you know something you don’t - you only embarrass yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you know the truth but you keep starting new threads. Please move on.

No, I do have! Stop pretending you know something you don’t - you only embarrass yourself.

You’ve posted about this repeatedly. You have not moved on emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say you know the truth but you keep starting new threads. Please move on.

No, I do have! Stop pretending you know something you don’t - you only embarrass yourself.

You’ve posted about this repeatedly. You have not moved on emotionally.

I have NOT! Ask Jeff and stop your pathetic attempt at being Sherlock!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something very similar happened to me, OP. No goodbyes with the child. No nothing.
If only these self-absorbed parents had a clue, they wouldn't damage their own child like this. It's so unnecessary. And the disastrous consequences can last a lifetime.

To be fair, my mother fired nannies left and right, without having them say goodbye to me, and it was not a big deal to me. There were no "disastrous consequences".
While I'm doing things differently with my children and their nanny, I was not damaged by having nannies leave abruptly. Let's find a way to be kind to OP without being dramatic.

“Nannies”. You wrote “nannies” as in multiple caregivers. That is very different than having one loving nanny from birth who suddenly disappears. Having that one singular figure you depended on and loved simply vanish sets up an inherent memory of adult distrust. Someone who loves and cares for you every day basically can abandon you at anytime.

No drama - simply proven fact. Like the children in orphanages who suffer long term attachment disorder after just the first year of their life without conscious memory.

That's not abandonment if you are a paid caregiver. You are overvaluing your job. You are not a parent replacement.

You are psycho. Do you really think your child believes "she doesn't really love you because she's just the hired help"? A long term devoted nanny has a bond with your child that you don't have the capacity to fathom. But no worries, perhaps you never had a long term devoted nanny.

I've found some insecure mothers will keep the nanny door swinging just to prevent any potential bonding. One must pity them and their children. This is a perfect example of how family dysfunction transfers from one generation to the next. It's so sad.

Its not dysfunctional. Kids are going to have many caretakers from child care to teachers to coaches in their lives that come and go. It has nothing to do with being insecure. This is your job. Act professional. Jobs end. You cannot expect it to last a lifetime and they be a substitution for your family.

Perhaps you need to get educated about Reactive Attachment Disorder. Your ignorance is astounding.

One of the causes of RAD is "frequent shifting of primary caregivers" during the early foundational years of your child's life. The consequences can be lifelong.

This has become a common condition.
Do you even care?

Kids are not getting RAD from a nanny. Its the parents/parenting that is an issue. You sound nuts to think that. Many kids have nannies early on and don't remember them. My child cannot remember early caretakers or even some of the teachers from a few years ago. Its about you and your need and you are rationalizing it by saying it is damaging to the child.

RAD is not a child living with their parents in a stable home environment with a few nannies/caretakers who rotate. Kids go to day care change providers and they are fine. Its the parents and stable home life, not a daily caretaker, which isn't a parent replacement.

The ignorance of the above poster is astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB. If this is what your former charge’s parents are like then you should just feel good that you were able to give him or her so much love during the period you were in their life. Life can be very hard with a parent that is so cavalier about the connections their child makes.

Np here.
I like this new perspective. It's a wise viewpoint and also healing.
It's a shame what the mom did, but I encourage OP to take this MB's viewpoint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB. If this is what your former charge’s parents are like then you should just feel good that you were able to give him or her so much love during the period you were in their life. Life can be very hard with a parent that is so cavalier about the connections their child makes.

Np here.
I like this new perspective. It's a wise viewpoint and also healing.
It's a shame what the mom did, but I encourage OP to take this MB's viewpoint.

I agree.