Nanny disapproves
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Anonymous
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Of the fact that my soon to be ex has introduced our child to his new partner and that I am also planning to do the same. We separated 7 months ago.
Nanny hasn't said as much but she has been short and distant with us both and keeps saying that she hopes our son will be okay. There is a chance that she feels worried about her job security but I don't think so, I feel its more disapproval. She had worked for us for 6 years and until now everything had been great. |
Anonymous
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Is her behavior impacting her job performance (she’s being short with you in front of the kids or stonewalling communication and making it difficult to coordinate things for your DC)? Or is she just not as friendly as she used to be and it hurts your feelings?
Given that your DC just went through the major change of you two separating and is now about to add two new people to his life in these significant others, it would be very bad timing to change nannies right now. So if the behavior isn’t interfering with her work I would give her space and wait it out a few months. As a nanny I have worked through two divorces: one where the parents did everything wrong (fighting in front of kids, trashing the ex in front of kids, using child support and custody as pawns, etc.) and one where they did everything right (put the kids first). In both of them it was very hard as the nanny because I still ended up being the only one fully focused on the kids while the parents worked through a ton of emotions. You are looking at your whole life and how this new person fits in. Nanny is ONLY looking at how it impacts your son. She may be feeling burned out and has become overly-involved in details of family life due to the stress of trying to be a stable figure in a time of flux. If her behavior is something you just can’t deal with, have the conversation with respect and appreciation because it sounds like she is coming from a place of loving and worrying about your kid—surely you can both bond over that! If you do need to make a change, I would try to hold out until the end of the school year so that your child can have summer to bond with a new caregiver. |
Anonymous
| Neither parent should be introducing new people into son's life! OP can't keep her pants on and her STBX can't keep his pants zipped. Thank heavens child has this nanny. |
Anonymous
| If she is doing her job, you have no business wondering if she approves or disapproves of your life choices. She is concerned about your child - be grateful for that fact. |
Anonymous
This 100%. It soundsounds like she despairs of you both and I don't blame her. |
Anonymous
| Until you are divorced and engaged/plan to be married you should not be introducing your child to your partners. You both sound like you are doing it out of spite. |
Anonymous
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While it’s none of the nanny’s business who you introduce your son to, I do think it too early to introduce a boyfriend/girlfriend to your soon after only 7 months. I also think you and dad should have an agreement on how long you date someone before introducing them you your child. Are you guys planning to settle down again and with the people you have chosen to introduce to your son so suddenly, after his world has just been turned upside down? How many boyfriends/girlfriends are you going to introduce?
Nanny is looking out for the child but again, it’s none of her business and I would be professional about it and let her know the side comments must stop. |
Anonymous
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Is she actually making comments or just being less friendly? If she is just being a bit more reserved you can't blame her at all. These scenarios are like watching a car crash in slow motion and I would find it very difficult to be positive about it all too.
Seems like you and your ex are only thinking about yourselves |
Anonymous
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Talk to her OP.
"Anne, can we talk? I feel like recently you have short and distant with us. And you have made several references to hoping our son will be ok. Is there something we should talk about? Make the point that obviously you are both putting your son's well-being ahead of any other priorities and you and your ex are working together to make this divorce as pain free as possible for your child (which hopefully you are doing.) Also make the point that she has provided excellent care for years, and that she is critical to ensuring that stability and consistency are maintained for your son. She needs to feel that she is valued, respected, and important to the whole family as it evolves. She also needs to understand that you and your child's father are working together, and that you expect her cooperation. She may have valid concerns about introducing your son to new partners at this point. Clearly you're hearing that from other folks here, and you need to be prepared to consider reasonable concerns. But bottom line she works for you and needs to work WITH you in this critical time. |
Anonymous
| Well, she IS right. |
Anonymous
Grow up and stop trying to shame the mother into being unhappy. Adults have sex, maybe if you’re ever in a healthy sex life you’ll understand. |
Anonymous
Zero people on this thread have said anything about anyone’s sex life. But multiple posters have commented that 7 months after dealing with his parents separating is too soon for this little boy to have to adjust to 2 new romantic partners as well. Have sex on the days your kid is with your ex. |
Anonymous
Look at the quotes post I’m referring to, then try again. |
Anonymous
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Well, it is too soon.
But also, I think you are projecting. She hasn't said much about it so don't assume. It may be something else.
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Anonymous
| She’s worried about your kid who she probably loves. She will also be the one dealing with the fallout. She’s right. But you do you. |