Racist nanny?!

[Anonymous]

My nanny is an older italian woman (lived there for about 30 years and in US for about 30) and DD is 10months. The other morning when I was hurrying out the door she made a comment about some place she'd been over the weekend and how being there made her a little nervous because "it was so crowded with so many black people". I was too surprised to respond in the moment and left for work and my husband was the one that relieved her that evening so I didn't see her again that day.

What should I do? Bring it up and say I don't want her to ever refer to race about DD? Fire her? Wait and see if she makes other comments like that and address them immediately when she does?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

I meant race *around* DD (as in, please don't refer to the color of people's skin). Which is a bit crazy I realize but if she notes races only in association with negative things (my grandparents used to do this) then I'd certainly rather her just not mention race at all.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't like it, OP. She can promise you anything but the is who she is. Things will slip out and your child will heard them. I would think about getting another nanny.

We interviewed a very sweet young woman from the south for a nanny position and I asked her how she felt about gay people (my brother is gay and he and his husband and kids are very much a part of our lives) - she said that she loved all people but always says special prayers for gay people since they won't be in heaven with their children! Well, that was the end of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

She was nervous because there were so many black people... that is racist. Not "so many people" but" so many black people". Straight up racist comment which does make her a racist.

I would start looking for another nanny.

[Anonymous]

I agree that her comment was very inappropriate & that you should bring it up for discussion at your earliest convenience bar none.

Just let her know that her comment made you extremely uncomfortable + that she is to please refrain from discussing race around your child in the near future.
That you want to raise your child completely free of any pre-conceived notions about others.

She likely will immediately stop however if she continues on, then no one can blame you for issuing her them walking papers!!!!



Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

She was nervous because there were so many black people... that is racist. Not "so many people" but" so many black people". Straight up racist comment which does make her a racist.

I would start looking for another nanny.

Yep. My housekeeper/nanny has said similar things. I responded with something like, "Why? What about black people makes you nervous? They're just people." And then I dropped it. The third time she said something like that without thinking, she actually apologized to me the next day and said that was not the kind of person she thought she was.

She's an older, white Southern woman from rural Alabama. I was on the verge of letting her go, but she doesn't have that much interaction with my kids anymore, she did seem to gain some insight, and it has never happened again. I don't for a minute think it would have stopped if I hadn't said something, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

She was nervous because there were so many black people... that is racist. Not "so many people" but" so many black people". Straight up racist comment which does make her a racist.

I would start looking for another nanny.

Yep. My housekeeper/nanny has said similar things. I responded with something like, "Why? What about black people makes you nervous? They're just people." And then I dropped it. The third time she said something like that without thinking, she actually apologized to me the next day and said that was not the kind of person she thought she was.

She's an older, white Southern woman from rural Alabama. I was on the verge of letting her go, but she doesn't have that much interaction with my kids anymore, she did seem to gain some insight, and it has never happened again. I don't for a minute think it would have stopped if I hadn't said something, though.

If she doesn't have that much interaction with your kids, she is a housekeeper who babysits - not a nanny.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely bring up what she said and tell her that this is not something you ever want said in front of or to your child.

However, this is who your nanny is. She is a racist. Do what you will with this new information. I would start looking for another nanny.

[Anonymous]

Your nanny sounds ignorant and I would fire her a$$. However, if I wasn’t going to fire her, this is how it would go:

I would be respectful and let her know that her comment was 1. Inappropriate 2. Did not sit well with you and 3. Those types of remarks will not be tolerated in MY home. I would then go on and express that we want to raise our son or daughter, in a world were he/she does not see color nor judge people based on the color of their skin. And if we were ever to find out that someone was discussing race around my child without consent, we would have to let them go. We appreciate you and our child/children love you. I hope that we have never done or said anything that may have offended you or made you feel uncomfortable, and in the event that that were to happen, please come and talk to us.

At 30 years old, no matter where you’re from, we all know how sensitive this topic is. Especially in today’s society. You should never talk badly about another person to your employer, ESPECIALLY, when it’s based on race.

[Anonymous]

"When someone tells you who they are - believe them".

Your nanny told you who she is. You can ask - you can demand - that she never, ever talk about race in front of your child or exhibit any prejudice, but this is who she is. She is a racist although she will deny it. (All racists deny it and are shocked by the accusation). You have the information you need. It is your decision what to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

She was nervous because there were so many black people... that is racist. Not "so many people" but" so many black people". Straight up racist comment which does make her a racist.

I would start looking for another nanny.

Yep. My housekeeper/nanny has said similar things. I responded with something like, "Why? What about black people makes you nervous? They're just people." And then I dropped it. The third time she said something like that without thinking, she actually apologized to me the next day and said that was not the kind of person she thought she was.

She's an older, white Southern woman from rural Alabama. I was on the verge of letting her go, but she doesn't have that much interaction with my kids anymore, she did seem to gain some insight, and it has never happened again. I don't for a minute think it would have stopped if I hadn't said something, though.

If she doesn't have that much interaction with your kids, she is a housekeeper who babysits - not a nanny.

These days, that is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

She was nervous because there were so many black people... that is racist. Not "so many people" but" so many black people". Straight up racist comment which does make her a racist.

I would start looking for another nanny.

Yep. My housekeeper/nanny has said similar things. I responded with something like, "Why? What about black people makes you nervous? They're just people." And then I dropped it. The third time she said something like that without thinking, she actually apologized to me the next day and said that was not the kind of person she thought she was.

She's an older, white Southern woman from rural Alabama. I was on the verge of letting her go, but she doesn't have that much interaction with my kids anymore, she did seem to gain some insight, and it has never happened again. I don't for a minute think it would have stopped if I hadn't said something, though.

I think you handled this well and it is a good reference for the OP's situation. This could be a good opportunity to help the nanny broaden her views. You'd also be teaching your child the value of helping others to grow and change.

Also, from a broader social perspective, we won't stomp out racism by isolating everyone who expresses racist views. Engagement is key to solving this social problem.

That said, if she doesn't develop and you're worried about your child adopting those views, you may then want to hire a new nanny. By trying to help her change her mind, you'll have taught your child a valuable lesson. By tossing her out without trying, you'll have taught him a harmful one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you don’t ever want her to refer to race about DD? I’d say wait and see if it comes up again. It is quite obvious when people are racist, but this don’t necessarily make her racist. Just wait it out to see if she makes comments like this again.

She was nervous because there were so many black people... that is racist. Not "so many people" but" so many black people". Straight up racist comment which does make her a racist.

I would start looking for another nanny.

Yep. My housekeeper/nanny has said similar things. I responded with something like, "Why? What about black people makes you nervous? They're just people." And then I dropped it. The third time she said something like that without thinking, she actually apologized to me the next day and said that was not the kind of person she thought she was.

She's an older, white Southern woman from rural Alabama. I was on the verge of letting her go, but she doesn't have that much interaction with my kids anymore, she did seem to gain some insight, and it has never happened again. I don't for a minute think it would have stopped if I hadn't said something, though.

Older “southern” woman, from the south? She knew what she was saying but she was smart to cover it up to keep her job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny sounds ignorant and I would fire her a$$. However, if I wasn’t going to fire her, this is how it would go:

I would be respectful and let her know that her comment was 1. Inappropriate 2. Did not sit well with you and 3. Those types of remarks will not be tolerated in MY home. I would then go on and express that we want to raise our son or daughter, in a world were he/she does not see color nor judge people based on the color of their skin. And if we were ever to find out that someone was discussing race around my child without consent, we would have to let them go. We appreciate you and our child/children love you. I hope that we have never done or said anything that may have offended you or made you feel uncomfortable, and in the event that that were to happen, please come and talk to us.

At 30 years old, no matter where you’re from, we all know how sensitive this topic is. Especially in today’s society. You should never talk badly about another person to your employer, ESPECIALLY, when it’s based on race.

Please don’t come here with your colorblind racism. Color is color and it cannot and should not be ignored. We should not teach our children to ignore color. However, we should teach them that we are all different but in many ways we are also similar. Ignoring color ignores all the struggles and oppression that POC have had to go through for hundreds of years. I think it is important to talk to children about racism etc. Of course this nanny said that she felt uncomfortable with so many black people around and that can cause unconscious or conscious thoughts to a child. In this case, the mother should request that the nanny not make negative or racist comments about race in front of her child. Instead, the nanny and mother should strive to teach the child love and respect for others. (I just took a race, class and gender course and I learned a lot so sorry if this is too much, but I cannot stand it now when people say they don’t see color)