I think great nanny smokes in her car on the way to my house, what to do?
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Anonymous
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I love my nanny - she is awesome, engaged with my toddler, very energetic. She is around 35, educated, excellent references. My only issue is that when she arrives in the morning, I think I smell smoke on her clothes, mixed with perfume. She lives alone, so it's not secondhand smoke. I think she may smoke on the drive to my house. I don't smell it by the time I come home, so I don't think she smokes during the day (which is something that I wouldn't tolerate).
How should I deal with this? Studies indicate that thirdhand smoke (the scent on clothes or in the car that she drives my toddler around in) is harmful. I wouldn't fire her over it, but would ask her to change her clothes when she arrives at my house so that she's not wearing the smokey clothes while handling my child. I'm afraid to broach the topic with her though because it seems so unlikely that she's smoking - great references, really health conscious, perfect white teeth - and if she's not smoking then I've basically told her that I think she smells bad. But she showed up this morning smelling so, just... off, and I wasn't sure what to do. Note that I don't wear any perfumes myself - is it possible that some perfumes have a smokey under-note that I'm picking up? What do you think I should do about this? |
Anonymous
| I would fire her and I usually am not quick to fire a nanny. No way would I pay a nanny who comes to work smelling like cigarettes. |
Anonymous
| Look at her fingers, for one thing. Look for a rusty stain. Tar stains the fingers unless she's using a cigarette holder. It also stains the teeth, and would be on her breath. It's also hard to mask on clothes, especially in cold/cool weather. Does she come in every morning with gum or mints in her mouth? |
Anonymous
| I'd tell her I have to let her go, and I'm really sad about it, but I just can't have someone around my child on a regular basis who smokes. |
Anonymous
| Ummm seriously? No one would ask the nanny if she smokes and if she would be willing to not smoke on the way to work? It might be an easier solution that just firing someone. |
Anonymous
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OP here, a couple of other relevant details... I'm struggling because it's not clearly smoke, because there's also a perfume smell. I think it's smoke covered with perfume, but I could be wrong. It could just be a musky perfume. And all of the circumstances around this nanny point to her not being a smoker, which really makes me second-guess myself.
Also, unfortunately we had to fire our prior nanny for excessive cell phone use and lack of engagement, so I don't want to fire this nanny because she's perfect in every way and I don't want to disrupt my child's care again. We talked to a lot of candidates before we found this one, and we were working with an agency and I think they would've screened for smoking. We didn't discuss smoking at the interview because I just assumed no professional nanny with great references would smoke. Just wondering what a reasonable path forward is if I suspect smoking, but I'm not sure, and I don't want to offend the nanny but would like her to change clothes if she is in fact smoking? |
Anonymous
| Just talk to her, OP, saying what you have written here. |
Anonymous
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This is something I would let someone go for, so I would at least try to talk to her.
I would say something about 1) the perfume (we don't want heavy scents) and 2) the smell of smoke. It may not be her; it may be someone else in her home. Give her a chance to tell you what's happening. She may decide to leave a change of clothes at your house or something. |
Anonymous
| I would fire her over this. She's going to lie if you confront her. She's stupid enough to smoke before work. That's absurd OP. Stop making excuses and hire someone else. |
Anonymous
My guess is that she doesn't always live alone (or spends a portion of her evenings/nights with a smoker)... which is really not your business, except in this regard. Very few people smoke only first thing in the morning and in their vehicle; honestly, I'd consider that pretty unlikely in the abstract. But, especially if the smell is somewhat covered/not that strong, it's unlikely it's from smoking in a confined space immediately before arriving at your house.. if that were the case, she would stink of cigarette smoke; it would not be debatable. |
Anonymous
| This is completely insane. She's smoking on her own time in her own car. You're a head case. |
Anonymous
Well, someone here certainly has issues... OP, I would ask her to not wear the heavy perfume and see how she smells after that. She may have someone in her life that smokes, which can be dealt with. First see if you still notice the smell with the perfume gone. |
Anonymous
Smoking is an addiction. If the nanny cared about second and third hand smoke she would have never started smoking or have stopped when she began working with children. Since she hasn't decided on her own, she's not going to stop. Every moron alive today knows smoking is bad for the smoker, those around the smoker, and the environment. |
Anonymous
| It's her car and if she wants to smoke in it, she can. You don't like it, fire her. However I have a feeling that no nanny stays with you very long. |
Anonymous
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1. You don’t want heavy perfume around your child.
2. She seems to smell like smoke in the morning, is this something she can explain or change? You don’t want smoke around your child. Approach her with those two, in that order. Let her know that you are looking at it purely from a medical point of view. You like her overall, but your child’s health has to be prioritized, so if those two can’t be changed, you will need to find someone else. |