Nanny loyalty

[Anonymous]

Our full time nanny has worked for us for five years. We treat her very well including her compensation, and she does a great job for us as we're two busy working parents with three young children.

We've always had a couple of long term babysitters who work 15+ hours a week, for help in the afternoons, overnights, school breaks and weekends; we also have a housekeeper who comes in 1-2 days a week.

For the last few years we've had a lot of turnover in these people. They commit to being available for six months or a year while they're studying but then flake after a few weeks or months.
We agree to the hours and pay rate upfront, but several times these different sitters have told me that they're not happy with their pay, and reference higher rates, which are always the same.
They are also rates we paid when we had very young DCs and needed experienced nannies versus younger sitters.
It's clear that our nanny is telling these sitters that they're underpaid, and then they start to resent us.

This has started to be a big problem because it's harder for our kids as they're getting older, and get close to the sitters.
Plus we've got to recruit and then train a new person each time.

We've talked to our nanny about it a couple of times but she always gets indignant and says she'd never speak to anyone about pay, that she knows we have a confidentiality agreement and she wouldn't violate it.

So how do I deal with this?
I've tried being more upfront with the sitters, about the job, hours, pay/hour to discourage them from coming back to renegotiate.
Also these sitters are usually responsible for taking one child to and from and afternoon activity, and then sometimes staying late while the rest of the kids are sleeping.

Thank you

[Anonymous]

Do you really think your nanny is doing this? Why? What would be the upside for her?

I am a nanny and I have no clue how much the babysitter makes but I am thrilled to see her! If she couldn't work (once my charge is asleep) I would have to - sometimes after a 12 hour day.

I don't see why your nanny would sabotage babysitters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our full time nanny has worked for us for five years. We treat her very well including her compensation, and she does a great job for us as we're two busy working parents with three young children.

We've always had a couple of long term babysitters who work 15+ hours a week, for help in the afternoons, overnights, school breaks and weekends; we also have a housekeeper who comes in 1-2 days a week.

For the last few years we've had a lot of turnover in these people. They commit to being available for six months or a year while they're studying but then flake after a few weeks or months.
We agree to the hours and pay rate upfront, but several times these different sitters have told me that they're not happy with their pay, and reference higher rates, which are always the same.
They are also rates we paid when we had very young DCs and needed experienced nannies versus younger sitters.
It's clear that our nanny is telling these sitters that they're underpaid, and then they start to resent us.

This has started to be a big problem because it's harder for our kids as they're getting older, and get close to the sitters.
Plus we've got to recruit and then train a new person each time.

We've talked to our nanny about it a couple of times but she always gets indignant and says she'd never speak to anyone about pay, that she knows we have a confidentiality agreement and she wouldn't violate it.

So how do I deal with this?
I've tried being more upfront with the sitters, about the job, hours, pay/hour to discourage them from coming back to renegotiate.
Also these sitters are usually responsible for taking one child to and from and afternoon activity, and then sometimes staying late while the rest of the kids are sleeping.

Thank you

How is it clear you nanny is telling the babysitters they are underpaid. Did the sitters tell you she told them that?

[Anonymous]

All part time babysitters we have had flake out. No one has ever stayed more than one semester and often just a few months.

I doubt your nanny had anything to do with it. You owe her an apology, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think your nanny is doing this? Why? What would be the upside for her?

I am a nanny and I have no clue how much the babysitter makes but I am thrilled to see her! If she couldn't work (once my charge is asleep) I would have to - sometimes after a 12 hour day.

I don't see why your nanny would sabotage babysitters!

She likes us to be dependent on her, and she feels threatened by new people especially as they’re paid less than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our full time nanny has worked for us for five years. We treat her very well including her compensation, and she does a great job for us as we're two busy working parents with three young children.

We've always had a couple of long term babysitters who work 15+ hours a week, for help in the afternoons, overnights, school breaks and weekends; we also have a housekeeper who comes in 1-2 days a week.

For the last few years we've had a lot of turnover in these people. They commit to being available for six months or a year while they're studying but then flake after a few weeks or months.
We agree to the hours and pay rate upfront, but several times these different sitters have told me that they're not happy with their pay, and reference higher rates, which are always the same.
They are also rates we paid when we had very young DCs and needed experienced nannies versus younger sitters.
It's clear that our nanny is telling these sitters that they're underpaid, and then they start to resent us.

This has started to be a big problem because it's harder for our kids as they're getting older, and get close to the sitters.
Plus we've got to recruit and then train a new person each time.

We've talked to our nanny about it a couple of times but she always gets indignant and says she'd never speak to anyone about pay, that she knows we have a confidentiality agreement and she wouldn't violate it.

So how do I deal with this?
I've tried being more upfront with the sitters, about the job, hours, pay/hour to discourage them from coming back to renegotiate.
Also these sitters are usually responsible for taking one child to and from and afternoon activity, and then sometimes staying late while the rest of the kids are sleeping.

Thank you

How is it clear you nanny is telling the babysitters they are underpaid. Did the sitters tell you she told them that?

Yes a couple of them have referenced that they know we paid other people more. One even sent us a long email about it and failed to understand that someone with 20 more years of experience should get a higher rate. Our nanny definitely tells them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All part time babysitters we have had flake out. No one has ever stayed more than one semester and often just a few months.

I doubt your nanny had anything to do with it. You owe her an apology, OP.

We know for a fact that she’s told them.
She likes to befriend them quickly and then shares this info, it’s a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you really think your nanny is doing this? Why? What would be the upside for her?

I am a nanny and I have no clue how much the babysitter makes but I am thrilled to see her! If she couldn't work (once my charge is asleep) I would have to - sometimes after a 12 hour day.

I don't see why your nanny would sabotage babysitters!

She likes us to be dependent on her, and she feels threatened by new people especially as they’re paid less than her.

Doesn't make sense, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All part time babysitters we have had flake out. No one has ever stayed more than one semester and often just a few months.

I doubt your nanny had anything to do with it. You owe her an apology, OP.

We know for a fact that she’s told them.
She likes to befriend them quickly and then shares this info, it’s a pattern.

What "info"? I am sure all babysitters understand that they will be paid less than a full time nanny. How do you "know for a fact"? Did you overhear her tell them this stuff? See it on the nanny cam?

Sorry, this all just seems too weird to be true (meaning you are not telling the whole story).

[Anonymous]

I would talk to your nanny again and show her the email you mentioned - just reiterate that this cannot happen and is a fire-able offense.

I would trust a nanny of five years more than a fly-by-night babysitter but that is just me.

[Anonymous]

Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to your nanny again and show her the email you mentioned - just reiterate that this cannot happen and is a fire-able offense.

I would trust a nanny of five years more than a fly-by-night babysitter but that is just me.

Yes if it was one flyby, but it’s been a couple...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All part time babysitters we have had flake out. No one has ever stayed more than one semester and often just a few months.

I doubt your nanny had anything to do with it. You owe her an apology, OP.

We know for a fact that she’s told them.
She likes to befriend them quickly and then shares this info, it’s a pattern.

What "info"? I am sure all babysitters understand that they will be paid less than a full time nanny. How do you "know for a fact"? Did you overhear her tell them this stuff? See it on the nanny cam?

Sorry, this all just seems too weird to be true (meaning you are not telling the whole story).

Many part time babysitters are paid a higher rate than full time caregivers

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like you trust her at all. You should find a new full time nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't sound like you trust her at all. You should find a new full time nanny.

I trust her with my kids, but she’s not a team player.