My charge is annoying

[Anonymous]

She's 7. She's always been annoying. Or attention seeking. I'm not sure which - possibly both.

It's almost like a nervous tic, she can't help herself.

For example, if things are quiet she'll do a ridiculous fake sneeze. If I'm concentrating on something she'll come up and tickle me. If I'm talking on the phone she'll start waving around to get my attention.

I know these examples are nothing out of the ordinary - but it's constant such behaviour - she just can't help herself, and cannot empathise as to how it feels to be on the constant receiving end.

She doesn't just do it to me. It's to everyone or in front of anyone. Over Christmas, I had my sister over and she asked me how I put up with her behavior, which has prompted me to discuss it here.

She's doing well at school - no behavioural problems ever flagged by the teachers - and she has lots of friends.

What should I do about this? She can't go through life annoying people. Her last 2 babysitters have quit because they can't handle her behavior. It's causing a lot of family stress for me because I take care of her at my house. My husband wants me to quit because he's stressed out.

Any ideas would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she is bored . Are you giving her your undivided attention? Why are you talking on the phone ? Unless it is to her parents that is a huge nanny no no.

[Anonymous]

She just sound bored, OP. Do something to make her less bored at your house like art projects together or teach her to sew or cook.

And you should not be on the phone in front of her or while you are being paid to care for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is bored . Are you giving her your undivided attention? Why are you talking on the phone ? Unless it is to her parents that is a huge nanny no no.

No, I'm not always able to do that. I have a toddler at home. They usually play together while I make dinner, clean up and get ready for the next day etc. Her mom knows all of this. Occasionally I do need to take a short phone call. I am getting paid peanuts, but it is the only work I can do right now.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you need to quit. There's a reason her last 2 babysitters quit. Do you really need to do a job that pays peanuts? No amount of money would be enough to look after an annoying child. NONE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need to quit. There's a reason her last 2 babysitters quit. Do you really need to do a job that pays peanuts? No amount of money would be enough to look after an annoying child. NONE.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

You do realizes that is normal for a 7 year old. Very normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you need to quit. There's a reason her last 2 babysitters quit. Do you really need to do a job that pays peanuts? No amount of money would be enough to look after an annoying child. NONE.

I agree ?

[Anonymous]

She is not annoying - she is simply bored. I feel sorry for her. She needs someone who will pay attention to her and find fun, stimulating things to do.
It doesn't matter what you are being paid, OP - do your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is not annoying - she is simply bored. I feel sorry for her. She needs someone who will pay attention to her and find fun, stimulating things to do.
It doesn't matter what you are being paid, OP - do your job.

You should not have to constantly entertain a 7 year old. She sounds difficult. If you’re not getting paid well quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's 7. She's always been annoying.

How long is always? How long has she been with you? How long have you known her?

Or attention seeking. I'm not sure which - possibly both.

It's almost like a nervous tic, she can't help herself.

For example, if things are quiet she'll do a ridiculous fake sneeze.

Sound like attention-seeking behavior, so don't give her what she wants.

If I'm concentrating on something she'll come up and tickle me.

She's more than old enough to learn to keep her hands to herself.

If I'm talking on the phone she'll start waving around to get my attention.

Why haven't you taught her better manners when you have to take a call? How much are you on the phone anyway?

I know these examples are nothing out of the ordinary - but it's constant such behaviour - she just can't help herself, and cannot empathise as to how it feels to be on the constant receiving end.

Children have to be taught to sympathize, and until they can do that, they can't empathize. If you haven't taught her to do that with you by now, I'm not sure what to tell you.

She doesn't just do it to me. It's to everyone or in front of anyone. Over Christmas, I had my sister over

Why was your charge with your sister?!

and she asked me how I put up with her behavior,

Not her business!!!

which has prompted me to discuss it here.

She's doing well at school - no behavioural problems ever flagged by the teachers - and she has lots of friends.

In that case, it's not to everyone, nor is it in front of everyone. She chooses to do these things because she's looking for a reaction.

What should I do about this?

Ignore the behavior so that she knows she won't get a reaction. Or quit so you don't have to deal with it. Or look into what YOU need to change with YOUR behavior to create and hold firm the appropriate boundaries. I would suggest starting with PEP.

She can't go through life annoying people.

She isn't, she doesn't have problems at school. That means she's doing it with you for a reason, she is making a choice.

Her last 2 babysitters have quit because they can't handle her behavior.

Interesting. So, either you have no idea if this is how she has ALWAYS been, because you are one more in a long line of childcare workers, and she knows she can get rid of you. Or she has too many people in and out for date nights and she needs someone consistent.

It's causing a lot of family stress for me because I take care of her at my house.

Which means you are in your territory, not hers. She's not comfortable there, she needs to be in her territory, so that she feels she can stop defending herself. Oh, and you aren't a nanny, if she's in your house.

My husband wants me to quit because he's stressed out.

Um, yet more reason for her to want your attention. Why is she in your home while your husband is there?!

Any ideas would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 7. She's always been annoying.

How long is always? How long has she been with you? How long have you known her?

Or attention seeking. I'm not sure which - possibly both.

It's almost like a nervous tic, she can't help herself.

For example, if things are quiet she'll do a ridiculous fake sneeze.

Sound like attention-seeking behavior, so don't give her what she wants.

If I'm concentrating on something she'll come up and tickle me.

She's more than old enough to learn to keep her hands to herself.

If I'm talking on the phone she'll start waving around to get my attention.

Why haven't you taught her better manners when you have to take a call? How much are you on the phone anyway?

I know these examples are nothing out of the ordinary - but it's constant such behaviour - she just can't help herself, and cannot empathise as to how it feels to be on the constant receiving end.

Children have to be taught to sympathize, and until they can do that, they can't empathize. If you haven't taught her to do that with you by now, I'm not sure what to tell you.

She doesn't just do it to me. It's to everyone or in front of anyone. Over Christmas, I had my sister over

Why was your charge with your sister?!

and she asked me how I put up with her behavior,

Not her business!!!

which has prompted me to discuss it here.

She's doing well at school - no behavioural problems ever flagged by the teachers - and she has lots of friends.

In that case, it's not to everyone, nor is it in front of everyone. She chooses to do these things because she's looking for a reaction.

What should I do about this?

Ignore the behavior so that she knows she won't get a reaction. Or quit so you don't have to deal with it. Or look into what YOU need to change with YOUR behavior to create and hold firm the appropriate boundaries. I would suggest starting with PEP.

She can't go through life annoying people.

She isn't, she doesn't have problems at school. That means she's doing it with you for a reason, she is making a choice.

Her last 2 babysitters have quit because they can't handle her behavior.

Interesting. So, either you have no idea if this is how she has ALWAYS been, because you are one more in a long line of childcare workers, and she knows she can get rid of you. Or she has too many people in and out for date nights and she needs someone consistent.

It's causing a lot of family stress for me because I take care of her at my house.

Which means you are in your territory, not hers. She's not comfortable there, she needs to be in her territory, so that she feels she can stop defending herself. Oh, and you aren't a nanny, if she's in your house.

My husband wants me to quit because he's stressed out.

Um, yet more reason for her to want your attention. Why is she in your home while your husband is there?!

Any ideas would be appreciated.

OP here: I take care of her on the weekends and after school hours. My hours are usually 4- 9:30 pm. My husband is at home because it's his house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 7. She's always been annoying.

How long is always? How long has she been with you? How long have you known her?

Or attention seeking. I'm not sure which - possibly both.

It's almost like a nervous tic, she can't help herself.

For example, if things are quiet she'll do a ridiculous fake sneeze.

Sound like attention-seeking behavior, so don't give her what she wants.

If I'm concentrating on something she'll come up and tickle me.

She's more than old enough to learn to keep her hands to herself.

If I'm talking on the phone she'll start waving around to get my attention.

Why haven't you taught her better manners when you have to take a call? How much are you on the phone anyway?

I know these examples are nothing out of the ordinary - but it's constant such behaviour - she just can't help herself, and cannot empathise as to how it feels to be on the constant receiving end.

Children have to be taught to sympathize, and until they can do that, they can't empathize. If you haven't taught her to do that with you by now, I'm not sure what to tell you.

She doesn't just do it to me. It's to everyone or in front of anyone. Over Christmas, I had my sister over

Why was your charge with your sister?!

and she asked me how I put up with her behavior,

Not her business!!!

which has prompted me to discuss it here.

She's doing well at school - no behavioural problems ever flagged by the teachers - and she has lots of friends.

In that case, it's not to everyone, nor is it in front of everyone. She chooses to do these things because she's looking for a reaction.

What should I do about this?

Ignore the behavior so that she knows she won't get a reaction. Or quit so you don't have to deal with it. Or look into what YOU need to change with YOUR behavior to create and hold firm the appropriate boundaries. I would suggest starting with PEP.

She can't go through life annoying people.

She isn't, she doesn't have problems at school. That means she's doing it with you for a reason, she is making a choice.

Her last 2 babysitters have quit because they can't handle her behavior.

Interesting. So, either you have no idea if this is how she has ALWAYS been, because you are one more in a long line of childcare workers, and she knows she can get rid of you. Or she has too many people in and out for date nights and she needs someone consistent.

It's causing a lot of family stress for me because I take care of her at my house.

Which means you are in your territory, not hers. She's not comfortable there, she needs to be in her territory, so that she feels she can stop defending herself. Oh, and you aren't a nanny, if she's in your house.

My husband wants me to quit because he's stressed out.

Um, yet more reason for her to want your attention. Why is she in your home while your husband is there?!

Any ideas would be appreciated.

Don't listen to this. You sound like a very good nanny OP. You have a greater responsibility towards the children than babysitters. Nannies are with children anywhere from 5 to 10 hours a day working anywhere from 25 to 45 hours a week. Their experience exposes them to the non-glamorous of childcare such as tantrums, endless poopy diapers, and throw up. Babysitters aren't with the child(ren) that long to experience and handle that sort of stuff. A lot of women who want to be nannies think their babysitting experience counts as nannying but it is not the same experience. They're pretty much entry level nannies. Your setup is more like a nanny share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 7. She's always been annoying.

How long is always? How long has she been with you? How long have you known her?

Or attention seeking. I'm not sure which - possibly both.

It's almost like a nervous tic, she can't help herself.

For example, if things are quiet she'll do a ridiculous fake sneeze.

Sound like attention-seeking behavior, so don't give her what she wants.

If I'm concentrating on something she'll come up and tickle me.

She's more than old enough to learn to keep her hands to herself.

If I'm talking on the phone she'll start waving around to get my attention.

Why haven't you taught her better manners when you have to take a call? How much are you on the phone anyway?

I know these examples are nothing out of the ordinary - but it's constant such behaviour - she just can't help herself, and cannot empathise as to how it feels to be on the constant receiving end.

Children have to be taught to sympathize, and until they can do that, they can't empathize. If you haven't taught her to do that with you by now, I'm not sure what to tell you.

She doesn't just do it to me. It's to everyone or in front of anyone. Over Christmas, I had my sister over

Why was your charge with your sister?!

and she asked me how I put up with her behavior,

Not her business!!!

which has prompted me to discuss it here.

She's doing well at school - no behavioural problems ever flagged by the teachers - and she has lots of friends.

In that case, it's not to everyone, nor is it in front of everyone. She chooses to do these things because she's looking for a reaction.

What should I do about this?

Ignore the behavior so that she knows she won't get a reaction. Or quit so you don't have to deal with it. Or look into what YOU need to change with YOUR behavior to create and hold firm the appropriate boundaries. I would suggest starting with PEP.

She can't go through life annoying people.

She isn't, she doesn't have problems at school. That means she's doing it with you for a reason, she is making a choice.

Her last 2 babysitters have quit because they can't handle her behavior.

Interesting. So, either you have no idea if this is how she has ALWAYS been, because you are one more in a long line of childcare workers, and she knows she can get rid of you. Or she has too many people in and out for date nights and she needs someone consistent.

It's causing a lot of family stress for me because I take care of her at my house.

Which means you are in your territory, not hers. She's not comfortable there, she needs to be in her territory, so that she feels she can stop defending herself. Oh, and you aren't a nanny, if she's in your house.

My husband wants me to quit because he's stressed out.

Um, yet more reason for her to want your attention. Why is she in your home while your husband is there?!

Any ideas would be appreciated.

Don't listen to this. You sound like a very good nanny OP. You have a greater responsibility towards the children than babysitters. Nannies are with children anywhere from 5 to 10 hours a day working anywhere from 25 to 45 hours a week. Their experience exposes them to the non-glamorous of childcare such as tantrums, endless poopy diapers, and throw up. Babysitters aren't with the child(ren) that long to experience and handle that sort of stuff. A lot of women who want to be nannies think their babysitting experience counts as nannying but it is not the same experience. They're pretty much entry level nannies. Your setup is more like a nanny share.

No it isn't. She's a SAHM who babysits another child after school and weekends while she goes about her day. I mean, it doesn't sound like her husband is doing the childcare/housework so she can concentrate on being a nanny; it sounds like she's added a second child to what she'd be doing anyway. This child is bored and tired (9:30 to go home?!), and barely sees her own parents. Maybe she would be a little annoying in other circumstances, but if the only attention she can get is negative attention, then that's what she's going to get.

She needs something that really captures her imagination, and eats up time, since you can't take her fun places or play with her yourself. Ask mom if she could do Minecraft or Roblox, maybe. I'm anti-screen time for my own kids, but if they had no one to play with all evening and weekend long, I'd be doing my damndest to find some way they could interact with their friends. Maybe some of them are on those games.

Would she enjoy legos or jigsaw puzzles? Is there any chance your husband could help out here and free you up to actually play with her? I'm guessing a game of Sorry! or Trouble once a day with someone's undivided attention would work wonders after a week or so ...

[Anonymous]

The child needs to be in her own home after school, with her own toys, with a parent or nanny (or sitter). I don't care about the nanny/sitter distinction because some nannies sound awful and some sitters sound great), and in her own bed by 9 PM. No wonder she is a pill. Sounds like she doesn't see much of her parents at all since she is of school age and goes to the other mom's house after school (where she has to compete with another child, the sitter's husband, and phone calls, meal prep, household chores, among other things) and on weekends. She needs a lot of love and attention.