My charge is annoying

[Anonymous]

Just be kinder to her, OP. I have read all of your updates on this thread and I just think it comes down to you reframing her "annoying" ways. She is begging for attention. If you have to cook a meal, engage her in cooking with you. If you have to text her mother, show her what you are doing and read it to her. If you have to tend to your own child, take the girl with you and have her help.

The little girl needs to be heard. She is not annoying - she is crying out for attention.

Be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i didn't say that she should never get attention, or that you should yell at a child if they are bothering you.
if she is engaging in a behavior that you don't want to reinforce, i.e. pestering you while you are clearly doing something else like cooking, cleaning up, etc, that you should not give the child attention or she will continue to do that. all behavior has a function, and if you want to go about changing the behavior then you need to figure out why they are acting that way.

She's acting that way for two reasons:

1) She wants attention. So I don't get your argument. Somehow, magically, she should learn how to give herself attention or not want it?
2) She rarely sees her parents, and this is the third babysitter in a short time. She is trying, as best her little 7-year-old brain can, to connect with this new person, and simultaneously prove to herself tht this new person is either going to stick around or quit like the last two before she gets connected to her.

I think OP should quit, because it doesn't sound like she's up for the challenge of a needy child. This situation is really sad, and OP can't see beyond the logistics of doing her job.

OP here: She's with me for 5-hour chunks on the weekends and 1-2 times per week she's with me from 4-9pm. Her mother's schedule has changed so it will only be weekends going forward. You're being awfully dramatic.

And you continue to see this only from your perspective as an adult. In your mind, she's safe, cared for, and even played with. So the problem is clearly her behavior, and she should just get it together and enjoy being part of your family while she's there, or at least be better behaved and get over being needy.

We're telling you that young children don't respond to their circumstances in this kind of logical, go-with-the-flow kind of way. She needs her emotions and needs understood if you want the annoying behavior to stop. And it's going to take a few weeks. You're not going to be able to play with her more on Tuesday and have her stop acting like that forever on Wednesday. She's going to need consistent attention for a period of time.

And I'm glad to hear she's going to have more time with her mom. Sounds like it will be much better for both of you.

[Anonymous]

OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

Toddler uses a toddler set of silverware to "cut" soft items like bananas and mushrooms. 7 year old uses a normal, small knife while you supervise. Toddler plays with dry pasta, 7 year old stands on a chair (if necessary) to stir pasta in the water. There are only two kids, why is this so hard?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

Toddler uses a toddler set of silverware to "cut" soft items like bananas and mushrooms. 7 year old uses a normal, small knife while you supervise. Toddler plays with dry pasta, 7 year old stands on a chair (if necessary) to stir pasta in the water. There are only two kids, why is this so hard?!

Op here: I'm glad it works for you but I do not feel comfortable involving both children in cooking. Too many things could go wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

Toddler uses a toddler set of silverware to "cut" soft items like bananas and mushrooms. 7 year old uses a normal, small knife while you supervise. Toddler plays with dry pasta, 7 year old stands on a chair (if necessary) to stir pasta in the water. There are only two kids, why is this so hard?!

Op here: I'm glad it works for you but I do not feel comfortable involving both children in cooking. Too many things could go wrong.

Let the mother know you can't watch two children simultaneously. Invest in birth control so that you don't have a second child. If two children at such different ages are too much of a challenge, I cringe imagining you with two who are both under 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

Toddler uses a toddler set of silverware to "cut" soft items like bananas and mushrooms. 7 year old uses a normal, small knife while you supervise. Toddler plays with dry pasta, 7 year old stands on a chair (if necessary) to stir pasta in the water. There are only two kids, why is this so hard?!

Op here: I'm glad it works for you but I do not feel comfortable involving both children in cooking. Too many things could go wrong.

Let the mother know you can't watch two children simultaneously. Invest in birth control so that you don't have a second child. If two children at such different ages are too much of a challenge, I cringe imagining you with two who are both under 5.

Don't listen to this person OP. She's clearly miserable. You should set them up with an activity while you cook. Cooking with small children is not safe. Pp sounds nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

Toddler uses a toddler set of silverware to "cut" soft items like bananas and mushrooms. 7 year old uses a normal, small knife while you supervise. Toddler plays with dry pasta, 7 year old stands on a chair (if necessary) to stir pasta in the water. There are only two kids, why is this so hard?!

Op here: I'm glad it works for you but I do not feel comfortable involving both children in cooking. Too many things could go wrong.

Let the mother know you can't watch two children simultaneously. Invest in birth control so that you don't have a second child. If two children at such different ages are too much of a challenge, I cringe imagining you with two who are both under 5.

Don't listen to this person OP. She's clearly miserable. You should set them up with an activity while you cook. Cooking with small children is not safe. Pp sounds nuts.

Nanny here and I totally agree. Cooking can be very dangerous. I would opt out of this too.

Check out this link to see activities they can do while cook. Try to do something new every day.

http://lifeasmama.com/8-activities-to-entertain-your-toddler-while-you-cook/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

Toddler uses a toddler set of silverware to "cut" soft items like bananas and mushrooms. 7 year old uses a normal, small knife while you supervise. Toddler plays with dry pasta, 7 year old stands on a chair (if necessary) to stir pasta in the water. There are only two kids, why is this so hard?!

Op here: I'm glad it works for you but I do not feel comfortable involving both children in cooking. Too many things could go wrong.

Let the mother know you can't watch two children simultaneously. Invest in birth control so that you don't have a second child. If two children at such different ages are too much of a challenge, I cringe imagining you with two who are both under 5.

Don't listen to this person OP. She's clearly miserable. You should set them up with an activity while you cook. Cooking with small children is not safe. Pp sounds nuts.

Nanny here and I totally agree. Cooking can be very dangerous. I would opt out of this too.

Check out this link to see activities they can do while cook. Try to do something new every day.

http://lifeasmama.com/8-activities-to-entertain-your-toddler-while-you-cook/

So instead of involving the children and teaching them to be safe, instead you have to contrive other activities, activities that do not teach the child that helping matters, that they are capable and useful and valued? Sorry, I'll stick with my "miserable" view that children should ALWAYS be allowed to help, at whatever capability they have, and I'll continue to encourage any child to view themselves as an individual who is also simultaneously a valuable and capable member of the social structure, one whose contribution is wanted and appreciated.

When children are not allowed to help, they never learn to help appropriately. They don't learn to be self-starters around the house, they don't learn to set their own schedule, sometimes they don't learn to even do the tasks! Sorry, nope, not me. I teach my charges, I don't hinder them.

Oh, and I'm sure it will be dismissed as anecdotal, but whatever. I've never seen a child hurt themselves badly in the kitchen if the child had been taught from an early age to be careful yet helpful. However, I've known several children who were capable of planning, prepping and cooking a meal for their families with minimal help... by the time they were 10. That doesn't happen without an opportunity to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Thank you for stepping up and helping this child. It is not her fault, or her Mothers that they are in the situation they are in. We need more people like you wiling to help others out and not make it all about the money.
I do agree with some of the others about her crying out for attention but can see how it can be annoying at the same time. Kids are mentally draining and do deal with it in the evening is hard when everyone is tired.
Maybe tell her if she can amuse herself for x amount of time you will play a game with her when the time is up. Start small and then work up. Or do a behavior chart, with stickers for not interrupting phone calls etc and then a reward when she has x amount of stickers.
Turn a negative into a positive for her.

OP: Thanks. I will try the behaviour chart. I am not on the phone often. That was a bad example. Her mother will call me when she arrives at my apartment and I need to answer the phone so I can buzz her pass the gates. The hardest part is making dinner. She wants to be involved and my toddler will follow her lead. It's tricky letting them both help out because I am usually chopping veggies or doing something on the stove. It's hard to keep them both safe.

Baby gate in the kitchen. Toddler in the high chair with toys or snacks. Put the TV on for the older child. Or, make dinner in advanced when child is in school.

Toddler uses a toddler set of silverware to "cut" soft items like bananas and mushrooms. 7 year old uses a normal, small knife while you supervise. Toddler plays with dry pasta, 7 year old stands on a chair (if necessary) to stir pasta in the water. There are only two kids, why is this so hard?!

Op here: I'm glad it works for you but I do not feel comfortable involving both children in cooking. Too many things could go wrong.

Let the mother know you can't watch two children simultaneously. Invest in birth control so that you don't have a second child. If two children at such different ages are too much of a challenge, I cringe imagining you with two who are both under 5.

Don't listen to this person OP. She's clearly miserable. You should set them up with an activity while you cook. Cooking with small children is not safe. Pp sounds nuts.

Nanny here and I totally agree. Cooking can be very dangerous. I would opt out of this too.

Check out this link to see activities they can do while cook. Try to do something new every day.

http://lifeasmama.com/8-activities-to-entertain-your-toddler-while-you-cook/

So instead of involving the children and teaching them to be safe, instead you have to contrive other activities, activities that do not teach the child that helping matters, that they are capable and useful and valued? Sorry, I'll stick with my "miserable" view that children should ALWAYS be allowed to help, at whatever capability they have, and I'll continue to encourage any child to view themselves as an individual who is also simultaneously a valuable and capable member of the social structure, one whose contribution is wanted and appreciated.

When children are not allowed to help, they never learn to help appropriately. They don't learn to be self-starters around the house, they don't learn to set their own schedule, sometimes they don't learn to even do the tasks! Sorry, nope, not me. I teach my charges, I don't hinder them.

Oh, and I'm sure it will be dismissed as anecdotal, but whatever. I've never seen a child hurt themselves badly in the kitchen if the child had been taught from an early age to be careful yet helpful. However, I've known several children who were capable of planning, prepping and cooking a meal for their families with minimal help... by the time they were 10. That doesn't happen without an opportunity to learn.

Are you always this dramatic and rigid? It must be exhausting being you.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they're not paying you well, so for that you should definitely quit. That being said, she could be much worse. Her behavior sounds pretty innocent compared to some of the crap I've had to put up with from kids in the past.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy. I have dealt with brats like that. They think they can use, treat people as tbey want. Spoiled kids chooses who to bully and be disrespectful. It's parents fault. Nobady is there to entertain those attention brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy. I have dealt with brats like that. They think they can use, treat people as tbey want. Spoiled kids chooses who to bully and be disrespectful. It's parents fault. Nobady is there to entertain those attention brats.

Op here: She's not disrespectful or mean. She's loud and a bit annoying. Thank goodness school is starting next week. I have been taking care of her during winter break.