Bathing 11-year-old NK

[Anonymous]

I just started a job with school aged NK. I'm the past I've had charges usually theee and under. Currently I have B13 and G11. MB is a single mom and requests I assist G11 in bathing. She has started puberty and I strongly feel that at this age she should sufficiently be bathing herself. I'm the last I've had children properly cleaning themselves by age 5.

I'm frankly not comfortable with washing a nuerotypixal 11-year-old girls haie. She should be requesting privacy, and I should not be in the bathroom with her. She is 100% capable just beyond lazy and spoiled.

How do I bring this up?

I just left a family with a 5-year-old girl who only needed slight assistance with rinsing her hair. Otherwise we pushed privacy.

[Anonymous]

*in the past

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. It is strange. Can you encourage/teach her to do things herself? She may be capable but if she's never had to learn or do it herself she may think she can't. Maybe bring up with mom that you'd like to motivate her to take care of herself and see what she says. Does she have any books on self care or puberty? I mean, what will she do when she starts her period? Could be soon.

I have been a nanny to a young girl since she was 5 years old, and I gave her a bath nearly every day and washed her hair. After a while I started encouraging her to try to do it by herself, first maybe wash her body, then washing her own hair as that is harder, and I would still help with the rinsing and making sure she did a good job. Now she is 8 and showers completely by herself (doesn't always rinse hair well and uses too much soap, but hey she's 8) and wants the door closed and sometimes doesn't want me to see her undressing. I think that is normal to start feeling that way at that age. Plus I've known her 3 years, I would think an 11 yo would be very uncomfortable being naked in front of someone she just met!

[Anonymous]

I would definitely approach the parents on this situation as soon as possible, and just make your position as honest and clear as possible; you are not comfortable washing a pre-pubescent or pubescent child. There is nothing wrong with thinking this, and if simply stated the parents should and probably will be understanding in your position. She is WAY too old to be having someone else bathe her, and she should feel uncomfortable as well that a new person will be washing her. If, for whatever reason, the parents refuse to change their stance on the subject, then I agree with the above post. ENCOURAGE privacy for the young girl, and teach her as quickly as possible how to wash herself. That way you've only encountered minor awkwardness, and have found a loophole in the parents totally ridiculous rule.

[Anonymous]

Weird. Talk to the parents. Bathing an eleven year old is inappropriate.

Also suggest the child take showers rather than a bath. My kids got cleaner by themselves in a shower.

[Anonymous]

Does she have very long or thick hair? She may actually need help with it. But I would either tell the mom I wasn't comfortable doing it, or I would have her take her shower, put something on, and then help her wash her hair in the sink or under a sprayer in the shower, like at a salon, if I were willing to do that/

[Anonymous]

My now-14 yr old could not have showered by herself at age 5. She couldn't even get the water temperature correct, let alone get all the shampoo out of her hair or use the right amount of that or conditioner.

I worked with her around 9 and 10 to get it. But if nobody's worked with your kid on this, she won't know how to do it.

[Anonymous]

I would not do this. My son has been showering by himself since he was 5. Tell them that you aren't comfortable with it. I can't believe the girl would be either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have very long or thick hair? She may actually need help with it. But I would either tell the mom I wasn't comfortable doing it, or I would have her take her shower, put something on, and then help her wash her hair in the sink or under a sprayer in the shower, like at a salon, if I were willing to do that/

She has medium length fairly fine blonde hair. I feel like at her age she should have been taught how to properly rinse out her hair. Any nuerotypical has this ability by 8 at the latest.

I don't mind "checking" to make sure she rinsed well but not sitting their and washing her hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not do this. My son has been showering by himself since he was 5. Tell them that you aren't comfortable with it. I can't believe the girl would be either.

That was my initial thought.

I am a virtual stranger to this girl. At that age I didn't want anyone seeing me nude, especially a stranger. I feel like she needs to be able to ask for privacy. It's an invasion.

I've been with the family for about a week and I've learned she's extremely spoiled and has never been taught basic self care. She won't brush her own teeth.

[Anonymous]

The hair could be a factor, but my son has been bathing in his own since about 5 1/2

[Anonymous]

Why don't you work with her for a couple of months and coach her how to properly complete self bathing by herself like a big girl. Unfortunately some mothers spoil their children so much that it becomes other people's problem but I would work with her and show her. As far as privacy goes, hey all of us girls have the same so there's nothing there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you work with her for a couple of months and coach her how to properly complete self bathing by herself like a big girl. Unfortunately some mothers spoil their children so much that it becomes other people's problem but I would work with her and show her. As far as privacy goes, hey all of us girls have the same so there's nothing there.

"Work" with her for a couple of months?
Something is very wrong with you to.

[Anonymous]

Maybe tell her you you'll be just outside the bathroom and to call if she needs help? Isn't it natural for children to develop a sense of modesty as they begin to get to puberty? If all else is good, maybe you can get past this without having to give up the job. If "spoiled" extends to other behavioral issues, all else will NOT be good (all the more reason to try to avoid these abnormally intimate situations since you are getting to know each other).

[Anonymous]

Kids who are raised in a home with relaxed semi-nudity frequently don't develop as many hang ups as other children. I've assisted several charges with their hair, and it's never been a big deal to me (and they asked for help, so it wasn't a big deal to them). My hair is incredibly thick and curly, and I wasn't able to work my fingers through it without breaking a lot until I was in eighth grade, so I also understand why kids may ask.

I'm not a fan of forcing privacy or making a child feel self-conscious. Every person decides what the comfort level is with every other individual, and it's not up to me to decide that for people who are mentally capable of deciding for themselves.

The issue with basic hygiene for herself is tricky. She should be bathing without help. If she has dental issues (like an expander and braces at the same time), I can see requesting help for the books and crannies. But she does need to be learning how to do everything for herself, and learning to ask for a check if she's unsure of whether it's done adequately.