Nanny has broken social media rule... need advice
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Anonymous
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Hi everyone! Need advise on a situation we are experiencing with our nanny. A little background: First time mom, no friends have nannies, this has been a huge learning to say the least! I FOR SURE suffer from mom guilt to I really try to pick my battles and not micromanage her out of my own mom guilt.
Our nanny is on the young side ( mid 20's) and has been with us since our LO was about 2 months old and only with us 30 hours or so a week. We asked that she not post our child's pictures on social media or share them with anyone other than DH. She agreed.. cut to last week when she shares a picture of LO with me on snapchat ( i don't mind her sending us snaps since I know the filters are fun and make or cute pictures but have been explicit about sharing them with others or adding them to her story). I noticed she added the picture to her story and messaged me asking if it was OK she left up. I text her and reminded her of the no social media posting rule and her response was that she thought it was only relating to pictures with filters - which is a lie because she asked if she could keep it up and i saw that she posted a picture of him on twitter with his face covered. She's very loving to out LO and is a good a nanny but now I feel as if this has eroded my trust. I worry that if she lies or breaks rules over something like a picture, what else is she doing that could be a huge no go? Often she has tried to argue her point as to why we should do certain things with the baby even after I've said no ( taking him to non age appropriate activities, changing his formula - she thought he didn't like the taste, bathing him in water with things added bc he was fussy.. just to name a few . I am all for open communication and coaching her ( i know she is not a mind reader and can't assume she will just do things the way i do them, etc) and I've had check ins with her to make sure we are on the same page and that I meeting my end of the agreement as well and she always mentions how much she loves her job but it's now becoming an added layer of stress. Should I start looking for someone else or continue to try to coach her through this? |
Anonymous
| I would fire her. You don't need this shit. No social media means NO SOCIAL MEDIA. Not social media but without his face showing, or as long as there is a filter. It means no social media. |
Anonymous
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This arguing thing is a childish response to getting caught doing something. I know a lot of people who do it, and as a college professor, I've encountered a lot of young people who do it.
The idea is that even a barely plausible excuse should exonerate the person from any hint of wrong-doing, and make it wrong for you to "punish" that person. I assume they learn this technique from parents and other adults who take, "I found evidence that you did X horrible thing," and argue that since I once ate a grape at Whole Foods before I paid for the bunch, I can't cast stones. Or something. The filter thing is a deflection. Just be straight-forward and matter-of-fact, and if you are at the point where you are considering firing her, there is nothing to lose in sitting her down and explaining that not everything is up for discussion, and her attitude is about to cost her the job. |
Anonymous
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I personally think since she has already lied to you about something, then any trust you had w/her is eroded.
Because she has shown that she is capable of lying to you like it is no big deal, then I would give her her walking papers since she has already shown her true colors. |
Anonymous
| Nanny here. Sounds like she consistently has demonstrated that she will do as she pleases not as you wish. That is a dealbreaker, because even if the stuff she is doing right now is little (sharing a photo, adding stuff to bath, etc.), it still means that you can't trust her. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you for the advice. I know it's time to move on but worry about the bond they may have and the adjustment period. That being said, I'm worried about letting her go as we've never been in this situation. Do we pay severance? Do we give her notice? I'm worried she will find out we are looking for someone else ... |
Anonymous
If you think that your son is safe with her I'd interview someone and hire them with a start date of whenever. Then fire the nanny the day before the new one starts. I would NOT give severance or notice. You don't get that when you get fired for cause. I'd just tell her at the end of the last day, hand her a check for all the time she's worked and get back the keys, etc. |
Anonymous
Wow, you're kinda a dick. OP - please be more considerate than this. Give longer notice or give severance. |
Anonymous
| You don't need to give severance when you are firing for cause, if you want to be generous you can give her some notice. You do have to pay out any vacation time she has accrued. |
Anonymous
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What were the inappropriate aged activities and what do you mean by bathing with something in the water?
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Anonymous
Why is that even important? |
Anonymous
Because the nanny may have more experience with kids than a first time mom. |
Anonymous
| No notice no severance when fired. Fire at end of her last day get back all important things. Keys, car seat. Pay in full last check . |
Anonymous
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OP here. PP, you're absolutely right as I am sure that is the case in most situations and I am not claiming to know more than her as I am the first to look everything up and ask all my mom friends for advice. I do know that it's my child so if I am not comfortable with something, it shouldn't be up for discussion.
To answer your question, she wanted to bathe in water with alcohol, salt, and sugar. I said no, and her response was maybe just the salt and sugar? Also insisting on taking him to classes that are not for his age group. |
Anonymous
Sorry to derail the thread but I have never heard of this, Is it a thing? |