How to be a good WFHM? Nanny feedback requested

[Anonymous]

I'll be a first time mom in search of a nanny in late Summer 2017 for a 2-3 month old infant. As I read these forums, I notice a common sentiment - most nannies have had very bad experiences with Work From Home Moms. I have a professional WFH job - numerous conference calls throughout the day, lots of work to do - and a separate office on it's own, top floor of our house.

My question is, how do I set the stage for a good, working relationship with our future nanny and ensure they aren't scared off from my WFH situation when I start my search? I'd be comfortable with setting boundaries on myself and ground rules but what do you think those should realistically be? I do need to come downstairs to eat breakfast, lunch, get a drink, walk the dog, and just take a break and get away from my desk for a few minutes like anyone would. I'd be fine with, for example, texting before I came down to make sure I wasn't interrupting as the nanny is trying to get the baby to sleep. I also plan to breastfeed. Would nannies have a problem with me breastfeeding a couple times a day? I'd be fine with a combination - sometimes she gives a bottle, sometimes I breastfeed.

I would think this could be something that was addressed just by having open communication and establishing some ground rules.

What HAS worked for you when working for a WFHM? What makes a good WFHM, realistically? (And the answer can't be, "one that stays in her office and never leaves." I can't do that today and I don't even have a kid downstairs!)

I appreciate your feedback!

[Anonymous]

It never works. Take your child to a daycare!

[Anonymous]

I am a nanny that has worked with 4 families with one parent that has worked from home. I didn't have an issue with any except for one. The first family I was nervous about the situation but it was fine. The mom worked in an office downstairs but came up to grab some food, go to gym, run errands, etc. She came up in between calls to see her baby and the last 15 minutes of the day we go to know each other. She never interrupted during crucial periods like putting baby to sleep, feeding, etc. When separation anxiety came, we cut out her coming up and spending time with her daughter. The same was for other two. The second was a mom who breastfed and the third was a dad. We never chatted much but talked for a couple minutes. The 4th ended because the mom was a helicopter mom. She would immediately run downstairs and grab the baby the moment he cried. I felt I couldn't do my job.

I think the important thing is to find a confident nanny. I don't get nervous and I am confident in my abilities. Give your nanny some space if you're child cries and fusses. It will take some time but an experienced nanny will know how to handle an infant. The first could of days is a learning curve for everyone. It took me a couple of days to get to know how each baby liked to be held, put to sleep, fed, etc. I think any reasonable nanny will understand you need to come up for lunch, to walk the dog, a break, etc. I also doubt many will have an issue with you breastfeeding. I hope you find a wonderful nanny!

[Anonymous]

I couldn't imagine for a wahm who also needed the baby every couple of hours to breastfeed. I'd never take your job.

[Anonymous]

Dads are usually awesome to deal with in WFH situation but moms suck. Trust me when I tell you this nannies. I have lots of experience in this area.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I have only had one job in my decade of nannying that DIDN'T have a WAH parent. You have the basic concept right. It is definitely all about communication. The big thing to bear in mind is that a) you may sometimes be to sensitive to hear nanny tell you to go away (transitioning back to work can be emotional for lots of moms especially), and b) nanny may not always be comfortable telling her boss what to do. For those reasons you need to take more of a backseat than you otherwise would. Rather than say, "I'm going to come down X times per day at these times to breasfeed and at Y times to do A, B and C. Let me know if that's a problem," you need to approach it in a more collaborative way. "I usually take 2 15 minute breaks and 30 minute lunch break. I'd also like to breast feed as much as possible. What do you think is the best way to manage that without disrupting baby's schedule?" Let her tell you what works best. Maybe she'd prefer you take your lunch during naptime so as to avoid disrupting baby, but maybe she'd rather enjoy the quiet during naptime and manage the disruption of a visit during awake time.

Also, schedule sit-downs with nanny, either during a nap or when someone else can watch baby every 3 months (and stick to it!) in order to talk about what is and isn't working. As your child grows, your arrangement will need to be tweaked. As an example, when the twins I cared for with one family reached the separation-anxiety stage, it became massively upsetting whenever their dad left. He and I talked it over and agreed that he would only come say hello if he had at least 15 minutes to playand visit. If he didn't, he would walk by with no eye contact or acknowledgement (I told the kids "Daddy is working. See his work face?") and they didn't cry for him because they quickly learned there was no point. We didn't need a time limit before that stage and they soon outgrew it, but my life would have been very difficult if I had had to quell tandem meltdowns every time DB had to pee for a six month stretch.

[Anonymous]

Communication!!!

Also when the nanny is on duty, she's in charge. Don't come running in at every sound, cry, bump, etc.

I would suggest finding a professional nanny (may cost more), someone who's choosing this as a career. And someone who's worked with first time parents and wfhp.

In my 30 years, every parent was a wfh or just didn't work.

It can be a great thing.

[Anonymous]

I've worked for WAHP before and it can work.

For BF no probs as this will let nannies get on with other things (its not like she needs to see and chat while you bf). It will tend to work best if your bf is on a rough schedule. Every 3.5/4 hours fine, everytime the baby cries not so much.

As the baby gets bigger try to stay out of the way. Fine to drop in and have lunch with them, but then kiss the baby goodbye and go back to work.

As your baby becomes a child if he/she comes to find you gently sen them back with a 'Nanny is in charge right now, go ask her'.

Hope this helps

[Anonymous]

Oh man I would never take this job. Mayyyyybe with a WAH dad it never mom!

[Anonymous]

OP, it's YOUR baby. Don't let the nanny tell you she's uncomfortable with you being home, or breastfeeding, or whatever. Someone will enjoy the job.

[Anonymous]

Op I think its fine when your baby is a baby. I have done this before and it went ok. The Mom stayed away for the most part. You can pump too if you want your baby to be on breastmilk only. If you were at a job site this is what you would have to do. BF before she comes, have a stash of milk for nanny to give him in a bottle, then BF at end of the day. You need to get the baby used to taking a bottle from day one if you are planning on needing childcare.

Its harder for nannies as the child gets older, when the child realizes that youre upstairs and wants to bother you. I would find a way to pretend you are leaving when this starts. Even if you walk out of the door, then walk back in a different door while child is in another room. Maybe you can tell nanny when your schedule allows that you will have lunch with DC the next day so she can have 30 mins to herself at 1230, something like that. If this doesnt work out and child is clinging to you you may have to have a late lunch once DC is in bed napping.
Are you going to be ok with your Nanny taking your baby out during the day? Either for walks or out in the car?

[Anonymous]

My first long term employment as a Nanny was with a WAHM and this worked quite well. I think it is finding the right person, not necessarily a professional Nanny but someone who will sync well with your family dynamics and who is comfortable working with you around. Discussing expectations and boundaries beforehand is a good idea. The mom I worked with did have to breastfeed and came around to eat or occasionally to accompany us to an outing but generally she allowed us to do our own thing. I don't remember it being an issue that she was at home.

[Anonymous]

I had an excellent experience as a nanny with a WAHM but I realize we seem to be the exception rather than the rule. I was with them for 4 years. The kids (twins) were 16 months old when I started. Mom had an office off of the kitchen. Here are the things that made our situation successful:
- Mom and I genuinely liked each other. This is important. When you are a nanny for a WAHM, it feels a bit like a roommate situation. If you don't like each other it's going to be difficult.
- Our parenting styles were similar. I wasn't worried about her hearing me discipline the kids because I knew it was what she would do in the situation. She also didn't step in and override my discipline.
- Mom let me be in charge when I was there and did not undermine me. This is key. The girls knew that when I was there, Mom was working and I was in charge. She would often eat lunch with us or come say hi when she had a break, but if the girls wanted to know if they could do something or have something, she always told them to ask me.
- Mom didn't swoop in and save the day if she heard one of them crying. She let me handle it. I'm sure this wasn't easy but it was necessary for the girls to bond with me. If she always rushed in when they cried, they'd want her to come every time.
- Mom and I were consistent with boundaries. The girls knew they were not allowed in Mom's office while she was working. They grew up understanding that Mom was working and they could not bother her. The consistency was important because it gave us structure. It would have been difficult if half the time Mom let them come in and give hugs and kisses while she was working snd the other times she said no.
- Mom and I had open communication. If something wasn't working for one of us, it was addressed.
- I was able to use their car and leave the house with the girls. It took a few months to build that trust. In the beginning, I only left the house to take them for walks to the park. Once Mom felt comfortable, she started letting me plan outings. At first we would specify exactly where I was going and when I'd be back but once I'd been with them a while, we would come and go as I pleased. I'd leave a note or send a text telling her where we were going.

We had our occasional issues but we worked really well together. I left the job 3 years ago when they started school and I've remained close with them. They are like a second family to me.

[Anonymous]

2 WFH parents here. DH works from his top floor office and I work from a den on main level. Our nanny takes baby out within 10 minutes of arrival. We have a diaper bag packed with everything nanny may need and bottles with purée pouches packed. They are gone until 30 mins before nap time and we have no problems and it works out well. We love our nanny and respect her being in charge. I do steel a kiss or two from baby when they get back. Otherwise, we try to stay out of their way.

[Anonymous]

I would lose my mind if I always had to be running out to somewhere with a child rain, shine or snow. Crazy