Excessive personal days with short notice

[Anonymous]

My child's nanny takes A LOT of personal days to deal with family medical issues. So far this year, SEVENTEEN DAYS. She burned through her five paid personal days (this does not include vacation) and now takes unpaid leave. Sometimes, she is able to give me 2-3 weeks notice, but oftentimes, she gives me just a week's notice. I know the short notice is not completely her doing; she goes to doctor's appointments with family members and sometimes, the doctor's office dictates to them the day of the appointment. Notwithstanding, it is really frustrating having to deal with her absences with so little notice. Furthermore, most of the absences are related to a close family member's care that she knew of BEFORE she started working for us, but she did not say anything until AFTER she started working for us. Had I known that she would need to take so many personal days, I would not have hired her! What adds to my frustration is that she does not bother trying to find us back-up care, which I feel is warranted under the circumstances.

I know she is genuinely sorry about the absences and lack of notice, but frankly, it is not enough. As I said, she did not bother to tell us about her family medical issues and the absences that would be required when she interviewed with us. I am getting increasingly frustrated and bitter every time she asks for another day off. I cannot (or rather will not) tell her that she is entitled to no more days off because of the medical situation, but I do feel like I have to do SOMETHING so I won't be so bitter. Any suggestions?? I already asked her to make up the days by coming in on a Saturday, but she refused because the family member needs care on the weekends. I am thinking about taking a two week vacation in September and not paying her. I know that really sucks, but she has inconvenienced me and my husband so much and doesn't even do us the courtesy of trying to find us back-up care or help out on the weekends, I feel it is justified. I'm sure all the nannies on this board will spew vitriol at me for my suggestion, but I am open to others!

[Anonymous]

Instead of doing something punitive, figure out what you actually want here. Do you like her enough as a nanny to continue working with her? If so, I would look for another child care option, such as a backup care subscription through an agency, and tell her that you will reduce her overall rate to balance out the increase if it is substantially more expensive, or enroll your child in a 2-day-per week preschool and tell her that she can attend doctors appointments only during school hours.

If she won't work with you to find a solution OR you realize that you just aren't thrilled with her overall performance enough to justify the inconvenience of working around this, then save your vacation for when you are searching for her replacement.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here- This is outrageous. Your nanny is lucky she still has a job because this is not okay! You need a new nanny because this one is taking advantage of you.

As for not paying her in sept, that's pretty shitty because the two things aren't related and she's taking time off unpaid. You also bear some responsibility for letting this go on and on and on. I've been with my nanny family 8 years and I've taken 0 personal days and 3 sick days... Total!!!

[Anonymous]

I don't see how this is sustainable OP. I think you need to replace her. You can tell her this and see if she can work something else out, but you can't go on like this.

Just tell her that you are truly sorry, but you cannot accommodate the level of time she needs off. So unless she can make other arrangements such that she is able to fulfill the full-time position you offer, then you will need to find someone else.

It's hard, but it's the reality. Rare are the jobs where this wouldn't be a problem.

[Anonymous]

I have to state upfront OP that finding a plan for back-up childcare is not your nanny's responsibility at all.

That responsibility lies on YOU and you alone.

That being said, I totally understand your frustration.
Honestly I would be so done w/her.

For her to take so much time off, leaving you high + dry w/out childcare is definitely a nanny deal-breaker.

She's not taking her position seriously & seems to be taking your kind-heartedness for granted.

I would give her her walking papers and find a more reliable + responsible nanny who values your family enough to make a decent effort in her employment w/you.

Her problems shouldn't be yours as well.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to state upfront OP that finding a plan for back-up childcare is not your nanny's responsibility at all.

That responsibility lies on YOU and you alone.

That being said, I totally understand your frustration.
Honestly I would be so done w/her.

For her to take so much time off, leaving you high + dry w/out childcare is definitely a nanny deal-breaker.

She's not taking her position seriously & seems to be taking your kind-heartedness for granted.

I would give her her walking papers and find a more reliable + responsible nanny who values your family enough to make a decent effort in her employment w/you.

Her problems shouldn't be yours as well.

Good luck!

Finding backup care in a traditional situation wouldn't be the nanny's responsibility, but when she's already taken off almost a month of work over half a year? It is beyond excessive. She should be trying to make this easier on the family

0P, I agree this is not the right relationship for either of you and you need to move on

[Anonymous]

You need to replace her. I would never ever have tolerated this. Once you use up your paid time off, it needs to be a 911-style emergency to get unpaid time off.

[Anonymous]

Let her go ,it's time...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to replace her. I would never ever have tolerated this. Once you use up your paid time off, it needs to be a 911-style emergency to get unpaid time off.

This. Maybe not 911 but close and a one time deal. I'd replace her. I pay extra to have a nanny come to our house and take care of my dd so I don't have to worry about transport or pickup etc (on and our nanny works when dd is sick- not vomiting and serious of course). Otherwise I'd pay for daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to state upfront OP that finding a plan for back-up childcare is not your nanny's responsibility at all.

That responsibility lies on YOU and you alone.

That being said, I totally understand your frustration.
Honestly I would be so done w/her.

For her to take so much time off, leaving you high + dry w/out childcare is definitely a nanny deal-breaker.

She's not taking her position seriously & seems to be taking your kind-heartedness for granted.

I would give her her walking papers and find a more reliable + responsible nanny who values your family enough to make a decent effort in her employment w/you.

Her problems shouldn't be yours as well.

Good luck!

Finding backup care in a traditional situation wouldn't be the nanny's responsibility, but when she's already taken off almost a month of work over half a year? It is beyond excessive. She should be trying to make this easier on the family

0P, I agree this is not the right relationship for either of you and you need to move on

I respectfully disagree.

In ANY nanny situation, why would it ever be left up to the nanny to provide back-up childcare for her nanny family....??!
Since we are talking about the family's children, it is solely left to the parents to seek a back-up childcare plan.

This nanny sounds irresponsible, undependable, flaky & lacks a good work ethic overall.
I would never in a million years let her find a suitable replacement nanny for my child!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how this is sustainable OP. I think you need to replace her. You can tell her this and see if she can work something else out, but you can't go on like this.

Just tell her that you are truly sorry, but you cannot accommodate the level of time she needs off. So unless she can make other arrangements such that she is able to fulfill the full-time position you offer, then you will need to find someone else.

It's hard, but it's the reality. Rare are the jobs where this wouldn't be a problem.

I agree. You need to tell her that you won't be providing anymore unpaid leave. Despite what you may tell her, she clearly doesn't think this is that big of a deal for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to state upfront OP that finding a plan for back-up childcare is not your nanny's responsibility at all.

That responsibility lies on YOU and you alone.

That being said, I totally understand your frustration.
Honestly I would be so done w/her.

For her to take so much time off, leaving you high + dry w/out childcare is definitely a nanny deal-breaker.

She's not taking her position seriously & seems to be taking your kind-heartedness for granted.

I would give her her walking papers and find a more reliable + responsible nanny who values your family enough to make a decent effort in her employment w/you.

Her problems shouldn't be yours as well.

Good luck!

Finding backup care in a traditional situation wouldn't be the nanny's responsibility, but when she's already taken off almost a month of work over half a year? It is beyond excessive. She should be trying to make this easier on the family

0P, I agree this is not the right relationship for either of you and you need to move on

I respectfully disagree.

In ANY nanny situation, why would it ever be left up to the nanny to provide back-up childcare for her nanny family....??!
Since we are talking about the family's children, it is solely left to the parents to seek a back-up childcare plan.

This nanny sounds irresponsible, undependable, flaky & lacks a good work ethic overall.
I would never in a million years let her find a suitable replacement nanny for my child!

Right!? Plus, do they think we're all friends? I'm the only nanny I know.