Mom is worried about hiring a nanny b/c no one else will be there

[Anonymous]

I'm new here, and totally new at all this so be gentle!

My wife has just decided to go back to work, and our only option at this point appears to be getting a nanny. My wife thinks she would prefer a day care, but we didn't get on waiting lists early enough so that's not an option really.

Her main reasoning is, she's scared to leave the baby (6 1/2 months) alone with just one person. She feels like there's "safety in numbers" at a day care.

I guess she's worried about a "bad" person slipping through the cracks and being in a position to neglect or even hurt the child.

I know this probably sounds crazy and like over-protective first-time parent paranoia, which I'm sure it is.

But did anyone else feel this way? Any words of encouragement to make her/us feel better about leaving her with a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Her fears sound like typical new mom emotions about leaving her baby, so don't make her feel like she's crazy.

My suggestions:
1. Start your search early and take your time until someone feels "right"
2. Check references! So many parents skip this step and it always amazes me. She should ask questions about the nanny's discipline style and how she handles frustration.
3. Do a trial day, or better yet, have nanny start before mom goes back to work. Let them spend some time together getting to know each other, and allow mom to feel more comfortable.
4. Have nanny keep a daily log so that mom knows how her baby is spending their day, and even encourage nanny to send pictures.
5. If all else fails, consider a nanny cam (which you disclose the use of to your nanny). I feel that this should be a last resort to helping her feel comfortable because it can become a crutch, and can create issues. Nanny cams make a lot of nannies uncomfortable and many of us aren't ourselves with them around. Hidden cameras that you don't disclose can feel very disrespectful if they are discovered. And your wife may feel tempted to micromanage because of the camera.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her fears sound like typical new mom emotions about leaving her baby, so don't make her feel like she's crazy.

My suggestions:
1. Start your search early and take your time until someone feels "right"
2. Check references! So many parents skip this step and it always amazes me. She should ask questions about the nanny's discipline style and how she handles frustration.
3. Do a trial day, or better yet, have nanny start before mom goes back to work. Let them spend some time together getting to know each other, and allow mom to feel more comfortable.
4. Have nanny keep a daily log so that mom knows how her baby is spending their day, and even encourage nanny to send pictures.
5. If all else fails, consider a nanny cam (which you disclose the use of to your nanny). I feel that this should be a last resort to helping her feel comfortable because it can become a crutch, and can create issues. Nanny cams make a lot of nannies uncomfortable and many of us aren't ourselves with them around. Hidden cameras that you don't disclose can feel very disrespectful if they are discovered. And your wife may feel tempted to micromanage because of the camera.

This is the best advice you'll get.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to do your due diligence whether its a daycare or nanny and choose what makes you most comfortable. You do realize that in a daycare your kid would also be left alone and not attended to right away as they are juggling multiple kids. Are you ok with that? At least with a nanny her only job would be to take care of your child and there is more flexibility as to what you feed, nap, and outings etc. and as PP suggested you can get a nanny cam initially until you are more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Nanny cams. Get 2 or 3 drop cams, hide them well, and check in on occassion.

In addition to the main areas I suggest you put one wherever the baby will be changed, either viewing the changing table or the bathroom. People always forget this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny cams. Get 2 or 3 drop cams, hide them well, and check in on occassion.

In addition to the main areas I suggest you put one wherever the baby will be changed, either viewing the changing table or the bathroom. People always forget this one.

After you tell the nanny, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny cams. Get 2 or 3 drop cams, hide them well, and check in on occassion.

In addition to the main areas I suggest you put one wherever the baby will be changed, either viewing the changing table or the bathroom. People always forget this one.

I disagree with this ludicrous response.

Putting a camera in the bathroom is unethical and illegal. You could certainly face a serious lawsuit if a camera were found installed in the bathroom.

If you do use cameras in the common areas OP, it would be best to offer full disclosure since almost everyone, nannies included would feel deceived being watched without being told.

If it makes you feel any better, I am a very loving, responsible and honest nanny who truly cares for each and every child I care for...I would much rather cut off all of my limbs than hurt my charges, or any child for that matter.

Practice due diligence when conducting your search. Make sure to check multiple job as well as character references. Also do your own independent background check and have a trial day or two.

Hope this helps!!

[Anonymous]

Another nanny here.

Any responsible, professional nanny will understand FTM jitters. Nannies are used to helping parents figure out ways to feel connected to what is going with their child throughout the day. With one charge, we had a skype call for lunch 3 days per week, as well as doing a log and sending pictures via email at the end of the day. It all depends on what you and your wife want to do (and work out with your work schedule). If she can meet with the nanny and your child near her work for lunch once a week, that might be an option. Nanny cams are a great idea as long as the nanny is informed of how many there are, and none are in the bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny cams. Get 2 or 3 drop cams, hide them well, and check in on occassion.

In addition to the main areas I suggest you put one wherever the baby will be changed, either viewing the changing table or the bathroom. People always forget this one.

After you tell the nanny, of course.

If you are going to tell the nanny then the whole thing is kind of pointless now huh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny cams. Get 2 or 3 drop cams, hide them well, and check in on occassion.

In addition to the main areas I suggest you put one wherever the baby will be changed, either viewing the changing table or the bathroom. People always forget this one.

After you tell the nanny, of course.

If you are going to tell the nanny then the whole thing is kind of pointless now huh

It's not at all pointless. Simply tell the nanny that nanny cams will be present in the home. You don't have to tell her where they are.
To find out that you are being watched and weren't told about it is a hug, huge breach of trust. Trust is the most important part of a nanny-employer relationship. This happened to me once. I found a hidden camera. I had a new job within a week and was gone 3 weeks after finding the camera.
Don't start the relationship with distrust OP. It WILL bite you later on. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny cams. Get 2 or 3 drop cams, hide them well, and check in on occassion.

In addition to the main areas I suggest you put one wherever the baby will be changed, either viewing the changing table or the bathroom. People always forget this one.

After you tell the nanny, of course.

If you are going to tell the nanny then the whole thing is kind of pointless now huh

That depends on what you think the point is. Are you trying to catch abuse or prevent it?

[Anonymous]

It is a slippery slope since oftentimes parents tend to use these cameras to micromanage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny cams. Get 2 or 3 drop cams, hide them well, and check in on occassion.

In addition to the main areas I suggest you put one wherever the baby will be changed, either viewing the changing table or the bathroom. People always forget this one.

After you tell the nanny, of course.

If you are going to tell the nanny then the whole thing is kind of pointless now huh

That depends on what you think the point is. Are you trying to catch abuse or prevent it?

If someone is abusive they will be abusive, if you tell them you have cameras they will just do it out of site. If someone is the type of person to hit or shake a crying baby, do you think they will be different knowing they can be seen in the living room? They will just do it elsewhere.

I don't know what kind of abuse you think will be prevented by telling your nanny you can see her in the living room.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. I love my charges and would make (and have made) great personal sacrifices for them. It is possible to find someone who will be incredibly devoted and dedicated to your child. Look for glowing, enthusiastic references.

I think cameras are a bad idea simply because if you do your work carefully, you will find a great nanny. If she finds out about an indisclosed nanny cam, or you use a disclosed nanny cam to micromanage, she will leave and you will need to start back at square one. Much better to find someone with great references and ask them to take copious notes/pictures.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you can't get into a daycare? Put your name down now and as many places as are commutable for you. Even now that I don't have a newborn and do have an au pair I am glad I used a daycare for those early days for the reasons your wife cites, and the peace of mind helped me transition back to work.