transitioning two year old from daycare to nanny

[Anonymous]

I have a toddler who has been in daycare since he was 4 months old. We are very happy with our daycare experience but are expecting another child and considering hiring a nanny instead of paying for daycare for two kids. For DH and me, having a nanny would probably be a lot easier, but I'm wondering about how DS (who will be two when the baby arrives) will do staying at home with a nanny and newborn after being with kids his own age for so long. Unfortunately a nanny will be a financial stretch for us, so I don't think we can afford part-time preschool on top of that. I know a nanny can take him to activities like story time, etc., but I'm worried the transition might be hard on DS.

Anyone been there recently?

[Anonymous]

Longtime nanny here. I do not have specific experience with the scenario you describe. Most of the families I've worked with who have put toddlers in daycare have followed the formula of: Nanny from 3mos to 15-18 mos, then daycare. I have worked with families who have followed this formula, and had baby #2 right around the same time DC#1 started preschool. This was nice because the toddler was able to get a lot of specific education and enrichment that would be difficult to provide while simultaneously caring for an infant, while the infant received one on one attention.

I have also worked with families who did not use daycare at all, choosing to wait until putting their child in preschool around the age of 4. So, in those instances I would have an infant and a toddler to entertain, and of course I did the best I could and everything worked out fine in the end. But at the same time, the toddler would inevitably hear a lot of "shh please play more quietly, baby is sleeping," or "We can't play outside or do what you want right this minute, but you can play quietly in your room or read a book next to me while I feed/change baby." This worked okay, primarily because A) in most cases the toddler already knew me well, and B) the toddler was used to home life and what that entailed. Yes, we went to story time and museums and music classes, and did crafts and projects at home, but it still isn't the same as preschool.

I feel like there are two big factors working against you (and your potential nanny) here that families in the above scenarios wouldn't have had to deal with:

1. Your toddler will suddenly be spending all day every weekday with a completely brand new adult, at the exact same time he is going to be dealing with the change of having a new baby in the house. Transitioning to a new full time caregiver and transitioning with a new sibling are HUGE things separately, and doing them simultaneously will be extremely hard for your toddler to deal with. This might be slightly lessened if you are able to transition to the nanny well before new baby arrives (ideally at least 3 months for them to form some kind of a bond before baby arrives), but you are still talking about two difficult transitions at a difficult age.

2. Your toddler is used to being entertained, all day every weekday, whether by a caregiver or by his peers. He is accustomed to having playmates to interact with, and help guide his play. It will likely be more difficult for him to entertain himself while nanny tends to baby, than it would be for another child his age who is accustomed to staying home without peers. He will likely be more dependent upon the nanny for entertainment, which will frustrate them both. Even if nanny does an absolutely amazing job of always having a new craft project and game at the ready to play, there will inevitably be times when she needs to do something else (fix snack, clean up after a meal, change baby, feed baby, etc), and it may be difficult for him to entertain himself, and he will likely miss his friends and the pace of daycare, and he may even become resentful of nanny, baby, or even you, for taking him away from his friends and his established routine.

I'm sorry, I know I'm making it sound more bleak than it really is, but unless you have literally the most easy going toddler in the world, this transition is unlikely to be easy.

Have you considered doing a nanny share with baby and keeping DS in daycare? I know you mentioned money as a factor, but a nanny share is more affordable and it might be a better solution for you than pulling DS out of daycare completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Longtime nanny here. I do not have specific experience with the scenario you describe. Most of the families I've worked with who have put toddlers in daycare have followed the formula of: Nanny from 3mos to 15-18 mos, then daycare. I have worked with families who have followed this formula, and had baby #2 right around the same time DC#1 started preschool. This was nice because the toddler was able to get a lot of specific education and enrichment that would be difficult to provide while simultaneously caring for an infant, while the infant received one on one attention.

I have also worked with families who did not use daycare at all, choosing to wait until putting their child in preschool around the age of 4. So, in those instances I would have an infant and a toddler to entertain, and of course I did the best I could and everything worked out fine in the end. But at the same time, the toddler would inevitably hear a lot of "shh please play more quietly, baby is sleeping," or "We can't play outside or do what you want right this minute, but you can play quietly in your room or read a book next to me while I feed/change baby." This worked okay, primarily because A) in most cases the toddler already knew me well, and B) the toddler was used to home life and what that entailed. Yes, we went to story time and museums and music classes, and did crafts and projects at home, but it still isn't the same as preschool.

I feel like there are two big factors working against you (and your potential nanny) here that families in the above scenarios wouldn't have had to deal with:

1. Your toddler will suddenly be spending all day every weekday with a completely brand new adult, at the exact same time he is going to be dealing with the change of having a new baby in the house. Transitioning to a new full time caregiver and transitioning with a new sibling are HUGE things separately, and doing them simultaneously will be extremely hard for your toddler to deal with. This might be slightly lessened if you are able to transition to the nanny well before new baby arrives (ideally at least 3 months for them to form some kind of a bond before baby arrives), but you are still talking about two difficult transitions at a difficult age.

2. Your toddler is used to being entertained, all day every weekday, whether by a caregiver or by his peers. He is accustomed to having playmates to interact with, and help guide his play. It will likely be more difficult for him to entertain himself while nanny tends to baby, than it would be for another child his age who is accustomed to staying home without peers. He will likely be more dependent upon the nanny for entertainment, which will frustrate them both. Even if nanny does an absolutely amazing job of always having a new craft project and game at the ready to play, there will inevitably be times when she needs to do something else (fix snack, clean up after a meal, change baby, feed baby, etc), and it may be difficult for him to entertain himself, and he will likely miss his friends and the pace of daycare, and he may even become resentful of nanny, baby, or even you, for taking him away from his friends and his established routine.

I'm sorry, I know I'm making it sound more bleak than it really is, but unless you have literally the most easy going toddler in the world, this transition is unlikely to be easy.

Have you considered doing a nanny share with baby and keeping DS in daycare? I know you mentioned money as a factor, but a nanny share is more affordable and it might be a better solution for you than pulling DS out of daycare completely.

Nanny share for two kids ?
The same family,no!!

[Anonymous]

Good childcare is expensive when there's no family to help out.

[Anonymous]

Wow...This is a new one OP. I don't have any advice here but to say that whomever you choose as their new nanny, I would make sure it is someone who will be very active with them. I.e, taking them on daily outings where other young children will be present. Good luck OP. ?

[Anonymous]

Didn't mean to put the? Sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Longtime nanny here. I do not have specific experience with the scenario you describe. Most of the families I've worked with who have put toddlers in daycare have followed the formula of: Nanny from 3mos to 15-18 mos, then daycare. I have worked with families who have followed this formula, and had baby #2 right around the same time DC#1 started preschool. This was nice because the toddler was able to get a lot of specific education and enrichment that would be difficult to provide while simultaneously caring for an infant, while the infant received one on one attention.

I have also worked with families who did not use daycare at all, choosing to wait until putting their child in preschool around the age of 4. So, in those instances I would have an infant and a toddler to entertain, and of course I did the best I could and everything worked out fine in the end. But at the same time, the toddler would inevitably hear a lot of "shh please play more quietly, baby is sleeping," or "We can't play outside or do what you want right this minute, but you can play quietly in your room or read a book next to me while I feed/change baby." This worked okay, primarily because A) in most cases the toddler already knew me well, and B) the toddler was used to home life and what that entailed. Yes, we went to story time and museums and music classes, and did crafts and projects at home, but it still isn't the same as preschool.

I feel like there are two big factors working against you (and your potential nanny) here that families in the above scenarios wouldn't have had to deal with:

1. Your toddler will suddenly be spending all day every weekday with a completely brand new adult, at the exact same time he is going to be dealing with the change of having a new baby in the house. Transitioning to a new full time caregiver and transitioning with a new sibling are HUGE things separately, and doing them simultaneously will be extremely hard for your toddler to deal with. This might be slightly lessened if you are able to transition to the nanny well before new baby arrives (ideally at least 3 months for them to form some kind of a bond before baby arrives), but you are still talking about two difficult transitions at a difficult age.

2. Your toddler is used to being entertained, all day every weekday, whether by a caregiver or by his peers. He is accustomed to having playmates to interact with, and help guide his play. It will likely be more difficult for him to entertain himself while nanny tends to baby, than it would be for another child his age who is accustomed to staying home without peers. He will likely be more dependent upon the nanny for entertainment, which will frustrate them both. Even if nanny does an absolutely amazing job of always having a new craft project and game at the ready to play, there will inevitably be times when she needs to do something else (fix snack, clean up after a meal, change baby, feed baby, etc), and it may be difficult for him to entertain himself, and he will likely miss his friends and the pace of daycare, and he may even become resentful of nanny, baby, or even you, for taking him away from his friends and his established routine.

I'm sorry, I know I'm making it sound more bleak than it really is, but unless you have literally the most easy going toddler in the world, this transition is unlikely to be easy.

Have you considered doing a nanny share with baby and keeping DS in daycare? I know you mentioned money as a factor, but a nanny share is more affordable and it might be a better solution for you than pulling DS out of daycare completely.

Sounds to me like keeping the toddler in daycare and doing a nanny share for the infant would be best. Most kids in daycare would be very stressed switching to full time nanny because they simply don't know how to self-direct their play enough.

[Anonymous]

I think you should put the toddler in a three day a week preschool. That way the nanny can have time with the infant. If it all works out, your nanny can do drop-off/pick-up. Just think about how you would want it if you were home with two kids. Nannies want the same. Just note, a nanny for two kids plus all the taxes could be upwards of $4k a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Longtime nanny here. I do not have specific experience with the scenario you describe. Most of the families I've worked with who have put toddlers in daycare have followed the formula of: Nanny from 3mos to 15-18 mos, then daycare. I have worked with families who have followed this formula, and had baby #2 right around the same time DC#1 started preschool. This was nice because the toddler was able to get a lot of specific education and enrichment that would be difficult to provide while simultaneously caring for an infant, while the infant received one on one attention.

I have also worked with families who did not use daycare at all, choosing to wait until putting their child in preschool around the age of 4. So, in those instances I would have an infant and a toddler to entertain, and of course I did the best I could and everything worked out fine in the end. But at the same time, the toddler would inevitably hear a lot of "shh please play more quietly, baby is sleeping," or "We can't play outside or do what you want right this minute, but you can play quietly in your room or read a book next to me while I feed/change baby." This worked okay, primarily because A) in most cases the toddler already knew me well, and B) the toddler was used to home life and what that entailed. Yes, we went to story time and museums and music classes, and did crafts and projects at home, but it still isn't the same as preschool.

I feel like there are two big factors working against you (and your potential nanny) here that families in the above scenarios wouldn't have had to deal with:

1. Your toddler will suddenly be spending all day every weekday with a completely brand new adult, at the exact same time he is going to be dealing with the change of having a new baby in the house. Transitioning to a new full time caregiver and transitioning with a new sibling are HUGE things separately, and doing them simultaneously will be extremely hard for your toddler to deal with. This might be slightly lessened if you are able to transition to the nanny well before new baby arrives (ideally at least 3 months for them to form some kind of a bond before baby arrives), but you are still talking about two difficult transitions at a difficult age.

2. Your toddler is used to being entertained, all day every weekday, whether by a caregiver or by his peers. He is accustomed to having playmates to interact with, and help guide his play. It will likely be more difficult for him to entertain himself while nanny tends to baby, than it would be for another child his age who is accustomed to staying home without peers. He will likely be more dependent upon the nanny for entertainment, which will frustrate them both. Even if nanny does an absolutely amazing job of always having a new craft project and game at the ready to play, there will inevitably be times when she needs to do something else (fix snack, clean up after a meal, change baby, feed baby, etc), and it may be difficult for him to entertain himself, and he will likely miss his friends and the pace of daycare, and he may even become resentful of nanny, baby, or even you, for taking him away from his friends and his established routine.

I'm sorry, I know I'm making it sound more bleak than it really is, but unless you have literally the most easy going toddler in the world, this transition is unlikely to be easy.

Have you considered doing a nanny share with baby and keeping DS in daycare? I know you mentioned money as a factor, but a nanny share is more affordable and it might be a better solution for you than pulling DS out of daycare completely.

This is OP. Thank you PP for this thoughtful response. These are exactly the kinds of things I want to consider.

[Anonymous]

It isn't as grim as you describe. We have a FT nanny and our kids are 2.5 years apart.

Keep in mind that the baby will sleep quite a bit in the beginning. I think our son was sleeping about 3.5 to 5 hours during the time our nanny was with the kids (works 8 hrs/day). Our daughter started PT preschool 6 months after the baby arrived. (btw, I know money may be tight, it is for us, but one of the programs my DD attended is $190 mo/ for 1 day a week (9:30 to 2:30). They didn't really start socializing w/ one another until they turned 3 though. A lot of side by side play during year 2.)

Depending on when you start with the nanny, we paid her for two kids as soon as we got back from the hospital (no family to help out and DH has to return back to work unexpectedly (boss passed away)). I spent most of my time during maternity leave (when I wasn't pumping) spending time with my oldest. Since my son napped quite a bit, I would go on trips to the library or grocery store with my older child. Also, my nanny was able to leave my napping son with me while she took my daughter to a weekly music class.

A few months later, she took both to music class (surprisingly my son loves music and started singing songs around 15 mo. old) which is generally free for the sibling who is less than 1 years old. She also took them to the weekly store hour at the public library that my oldest has been attending since about 6 months. They also have play dates with other nanny/families about 1x/week. Taking walks (get a good double stroller, we bought one off of Craiglist as already purchased UppaBaby with no. 1).

My DD started PT preschool about 6 months after the baby arrived so the baby got quality 1 on 1 time with our nanny. If anything, I noticed that our nanny paid more attention to the older one as she was able to vocalize her wants and our youngest would have to chill. (Also, my youngest was in day care briefly (while nanny recovering from surgery)) and he never got all the attention due to the ratio of infants to caregivers.).

My youngest recently transitioned to 1 nap/day (about 2 hours) but before that he was regularly sleeping twice a day. During these times, my oldest gets quality one on one time with the older child. They read, play games, do art projects, build legos, etc.

Just look for an experienced nanny. Our nanny has raised 3 kids (close in age) as a SAHM, and nanny to family of 3 girls (also close in age) for 6 years.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't as grim as you describe. We have a FT nanny and our kids are 2.5 years apart.

Keep in mind that the baby will sleep quite a bit in the beginning. I think our son was sleeping about 3.5 to 5 hours during the time our nanny was with the kids (works 8 hrs/day). Our daughter started PT preschool 6 months after the baby arrived. (btw, I know money may be tight, it is for us, but one of the programs my DD attended is $190 mo/ for 1 day a week (9:30 to 2:30). They didn't really start socializing w/ one another until they turned 3 though. A lot of side by side play during year 2.)

Depending on when you start with the nanny, we paid her for two kids as soon as we got back from the hospital (no family to help out and DH has to return back to work unexpectedly (boss passed away)). I spent most of my time during maternity leave (when I wasn't pumping) spending time with my oldest. Since my son napped quite a bit, I would go on trips to the library or grocery store with my older child. Also, my nanny was able to leave my napping son with me while she took my daughter to a weekly music class.

A few months later, she took both to music class (surprisingly my son loves music and started singing songs around 15 mo. old) which is generally free for the sibling who is less than 1 years old. She also took them to the weekly store hour at the public library that my oldest has been attending since about 6 months. They also have play dates with other nanny/families about 1x/week. Taking walks (get a good double stroller, we bought one off of Craiglist as already purchased UppaBaby with no. 1).

My DD started PT preschool about 6 months after the baby arrived so the baby got quality 1 on 1 time with our nanny. If anything, I noticed that our nanny paid more attention to the older one as she was able to vocalize her wants and our youngest would have to chill. (Also, my youngest was in day care briefly (while nanny recovering from surgery)) and he never got all the attention due to the ratio of infants to caregivers.).

My youngest recently transitioned to 1 nap/day (about 2 hours) but before that he was regularly sleeping twice a day. During these times, my oldest gets quality one on one time with the older child. They read, play games, do art projects, build legos, etc.

Just look for an experienced nanny. Our nanny has raised 3 kids (close in age) as a SAHM, and nanny to family of 3 girls (also close in age) for 6 years.

Good luck.

It sounds like your oldest wasn't in full time daycare prior to the birth of the younger sibling. Kids in daycare change activities frequently and don't self-direct play at all. Competent nannies make older sibling learn to wait a few minutes while they care for the baby who needs a bottle, and they make older siblings learn to self-direct, at an age-appropriate level. Most nannies will tell you that pulling a child out of daycare to keep home all day is a recipe for disaster.

[Anonymous]

Nooooo, your older child will be a serious handful with a small baby and no other children or adults to interact with. He should be in preschool/daycare three mornings a week and home with nanny and baby for the other time.

[Anonymous]

I second keeping 2yr old at daycare, and nanny share or daycare for 2nd.

The reasons being
1) 2yr old will be happier if his environment stays as consistent as possible.
2) having a nanny is not cheaper than 2 in daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good childcare is expensive when there's no family to help out.

Why do you expect your family to help out? They are your kids. I never expected, nor asked, other family members to take care of MY children. If you cannot afford child care, do not have children!

[Anonymous]

I do four days a week from 1pm to 6pm for a 2,5yo and a 6mo, while their mom works from home/cares for the baby. I'm their first nanny, the oldest was in daycare from the age of one to almost two.

We didn't really have many problems with adjusting. At that age they are still so young that they don't really depend on a caregiver entertaining them, it's all individual playing next to other children, not with them. We made sure to do the same activities she had at daycare and keep the schedule the same (like, snack, nap, singing, going outside, we copied all the times from the daycare). She adjusted within maybe a week.

I think there's a huge difference between pulling out a 3yo and a barely 2yo from school, and what the pps said about the subject is more suitable to what would happen to a 3yo.

Either way, my charge had very little trouble getting used to being home with her mother and/or me or the newer routine and the baby, so I don't think it's as bleak. Though I'd suggest, before the baby is born, getting the nanny to do a few days of babysitting first so your son can get used to her a bit before being left with her on his own.

Good luck!