Reply to transitioning two year old from daycare to nanny

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[quote=Anonymous]Longtime nanny here. I do not have specific experience with the scenario you describe. Most of the families I've worked with who have put toddlers in daycare have followed the formula of: Nanny from 3mos to 15-18 mos, then daycare. I have worked with families who have followed this formula, and had baby #2 right around the same time DC#1 started preschool. This was nice because the toddler was able to get a lot of specific education and enrichment that would be difficult to provide while simultaneously caring for an infant, while the infant received one on one attention.

I have also worked with families who did not use daycare at all, choosing to wait until putting their child in preschool around the age of 4. So, in those instances I would have an infant and a toddler to entertain, and of course I did the best I could and everything worked out fine in the end. But at the same time, the toddler would inevitably hear a lot of "shh please play more quietly, baby is sleeping," or "We can't play outside or do what you want right this minute, but you can play quietly in your room or read a book next to me while I feed/change baby." This worked okay, primarily because A) in most cases the toddler already knew me well, and B) the toddler was used to home life and what that entailed. Yes, we went to story time and museums and music classes, and did crafts and projects at home, but it still isn't the same as preschool.

I feel like there are two big factors working against you (and your potential nanny) here that families in the above scenarios wouldn't have had to deal with:

1. Your toddler will suddenly be spending all day every weekday with a completely brand new adult, at the exact same time he is going to be dealing with the change of having a new baby in the house. Transitioning to a new full time caregiver and transitioning with a new sibling are HUGE things separately, and doing them simultaneously will be extremely hard for your toddler to deal with. This might be slightly lessened if you are able to transition to the nanny well before new baby arrives (ideally at least 3 months for them to form some kind of a bond before baby arrives), but you are still talking about two difficult transitions at a difficult age.

2. Your toddler is used to being entertained, all day every weekday, whether by a caregiver or by his peers. He is accustomed to having playmates to interact with, and help guide his play. It will likely be more difficult for him to entertain himself while nanny tends to baby, than it would be for another child his age who is accustomed to staying home without peers. He will likely be more dependent upon the nanny for entertainment, which will frustrate them both. Even if nanny does an absolutely amazing job of always having a new craft project and game at the ready to play, there will inevitably be times when she needs to do something else (fix snack, clean up after a meal, change baby, feed baby, etc), and it may be difficult for him to entertain himself, and he will likely miss his friends and the pace of daycare, and he may even become resentful of nanny, baby, or even you, for taking him away from his friends and his established routine.

I'm sorry, I know I'm making it sound more bleak than it really is, but unless you have literally the most easy going toddler in the world, this transition is unlikely to be easy.

Have you considered doing a nanny share with baby and keeping DS in daycare? I know you mentioned money as a factor, but a nanny share is more affordable and it might be a better solution for you than pulling DS out of daycare completely.[/quote]

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