I am honestly devastated and completely lost...

[Anonymous]

I am been the nanny for a wonderful little boy for the last two years, since his birth. I have been a truly great nanny (even if you don't believe me, please accept this as true for argument sake). Beyond just being a great nanny, I have a bond with my charge and I love him more than I ever thought possible to love a child not my own. And I have sacrificed to stay this child's nanny - passing up far more lucrative positions and even taking a second weekend job just to stay his nanny.

Just a few minutes ago, the parents told me they are putting him in daycare. THis has been in the works - the preparation for daycare for awhile. When they told me, I was stunned. They both said that I was fantastic and that their child would not be the great and smart kid he is had it not been for me.

I lost it. First, all day daycare is a huge mistake for this particular boy at this time in his life. Second, because they just sprung it on me.

I don't know what to do now. I said my peace and told them my truth - that I have never been more disappointed in two people in my entire life. I walked in and kissed my beautiful charge and told him that I loved him. I asked them to send my last paycheck and walked out. Clearly, the parents did not expect me to be done that moment and they have no care for their son until daycare starts. But I don't know what to do.

I cannot see spending the next two weeks (or however long they had in mind) crying every time I look at him. How would I go around to our usual story times, music class, parent & me, etc when everyone knows us and explain that I will no longer be this fantastic and polite little boy's nanny anymore...

What is the right thing to do? I honestly don't know. THis is my first longterm nanny job (although I have been a preschool teacher for twenty years so I am obviously not a kid).

I am sick about this. Please - someone - tell me what to do. I know I got too attached. I know I sacrificed far too much to stay his nanny - but I thought I was appreciated.

BTW, they are only putting him in daycare to save money.

[Anonymous]

Former MB, here. I am so very sorry that you are hurt, and clearly you really love your charge. But it is the nature of the job that some kids go off to daycare or preschool between 2 and 4 for a variety of reasons. It seems you may have been attached a bit more than normal to your charge. No judgment, just saying that the parents may have been a bit blindsided by your reaction. Hope you feel less pained about this soon!

[Anonymous]

You sound a bit selfish. Just hang on until the job is done so you have a good reference.

I'm assuming this is your first nanny job. The first family is always special.... at first.

[Anonymous]

I am so, so sorry, OP. So sorry. Take a breath - it just happened and you are stunned.


Let this be a lesson to other nannies. NEVER get too close, never think of your charge/job above yourself, and never make sacrificed for your employers. Never. ANY MB/DB can spring this on you out of the blue and BAM - you are out of the child'd life forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so, so sorry, OP. So sorry. Take a breath - it just happened and you are stunned.


Let this be a lesson to other nannies. NEVER get too close, never think of your charge/job above yourself, and never make sacrificed for your employers. Never. ANY MB/DB can spring this on you out of the blue and BAM - you are out of the child'd life forever.

This. I am so sorry, OP. I can truly feel your heartbreak.

[Anonymous]

We are human that have feeling that's why we fall in love with our charge. Sorry this happened to you but you should NOT walked away like that!

My case - parents was so boosting telling me they want to send their baby to daycare. Okay fine - after 3 months there (super expensive elite daycare) they contacted me few days ago asking to care for their baby.

[Anonymous]

OP here and thank you for the comments. I am stunned and sick about this. MB and I talked so often about the future and what was in her sons best interest - daycare never ever came up as a possibility. Ever.

God, I do not know what to do. I cannot see working out my last however long and I cannot see never seeing my charge again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are human that have feeling that's why we fall in love with our charge. Sorry this happened to you but you should NOT walked away like that!

My case - parents was so boosting telling me they want to send their baby to daycare. Okay fine - after 3 months there (super expensive elite daycare) they contacted me few days ago asking to care for their baby.

OP here and I know - I shouldn't have walked away but I was afraid of bursting into tears and just so angry. I put in a call to MB telling her that I simply don't know what to do.

My charge and I are known in the neighborhood - strangers have told me how wonderful I am with him. All the librarians know us and also say how great I am with him and how smart and well behaved he is thanks to me. Same with the two teachers in the classes we go to. How do I face them without falling apart?

And it is my charge's birthday next week.

And I truly feel that daycare is wrong for him at this moment in his life. I am a former preschool teacher (not daycare) and I honestly would have done things differently with my charge had I known this was in the works. He has never been left - ever - with anyone but me. And freaks if I am out of his sight. Had I known that daycare was even a possibility, I would have prepared him for it.


God - I am a stunned, hot mess right now.

[Anonymous]

OP again - I am going back to finish out my last few weeks with my charge (just spoke to MB) and I am doing it ONLY for my charge's sake.

I am truly sick over this. And so, so sad.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. I know it hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs, OP. I know it hurts.

+1 Your employers are assholes. They should have told you that was a possibility so both you and your charge wouldn't be blindsided. I feel so sorry for your charge. Of course he will adjust but this will break his little heart on top of being institutionalized.

I do not understand parents who try to save money on their kid's back.

[Anonymous]

I am going to be the tough one here.

Op, I feel you. I was with a family for 3 years and helped raised their son from 6 weeks. They decided to move to Montessori school. They gave me two weeks notice. I was blindsided and upset. Then I realized this is the nature of the job. My MB and DB make the decision for their family and I have no say in when or what time they move on to daycare, school, etc. They are making a decision best for their family and I had to respect that. They don't owe me anything but notice.

I understand your hurt but it seems like the gave you two weeks notice. I think you have become a little too attached, and they were quite shocked by your reaction and behavior. I'm hoping you didn't address why he shouldn't go to daycare at that age because it isn't your business. As long as they give you proper notice, they do not need to discuss any future plans with you.

Frankly, you seem naive. I think you acted very unprofessionally. As adults we realize things like this come to end, and even though it sucks, we finish out a commitment and move on. There will be infinite amount of changes and you need to develop the maturity to handle things a little better. Leaving right away has likely shown you in a very poor light. I wouldn't be surprised if you have to kiss that reference goodbye.

Lastly, you do not need to explain how good of a nanny you are. Choosing daycare has nothing to do with your work. They chose a route that better serves this phase in life. If transitions are this tough on you, maybe you should choose a profession with less emotional connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am been the nanny for a wonderful little boy for the last two years, since his birth. I have been a truly great nanny (even if you don't believe me, please accept this as true for argument sake). Beyond just being a great nanny, I have a bond with my charge and I love him more than I ever thought possible to love a child not my own. And I have sacrificed to stay this child's nanny - passing up far more lucrative positions and even taking a second weekend job just to stay his nanny.

Just a few minutes ago, the parents told me they are putting him in daycare. THis has been in the works - the preparation for daycare for awhile. When they told me, I was stunned. They both said that I was fantastic and that their child would not be the great and smart kid he is had it not been for me.

I lost it. First, all day daycare is a huge mistake for this particular boy at this time in his life. Second, because they just sprung it on me.

I don't know what to do now. I said my peace and told them my truth - that I have never been more disappointed in two people in my entire life. I walked in and kissed my beautiful charge and told him that I loved him. I asked them to send my last paycheck and walked out. Clearly, the parents did not expect me to be done that moment and they have no care for their son until daycare starts. But I don't know what to do.

I cannot see spending the next two weeks (or however long they had in mind) crying every time I look at him. How would I go around to our usual story times, music class, parent & me, etc when everyone knows us and explain that I will no longer be this fantastic and polite little boy's nanny anymore...

What is the right thing to do? I honestly don't know. THis is my first longterm nanny job (although I have been a preschool teacher for twenty years so I am obviously not a kid).

I am sick about this. Please - someone - tell me what to do. I know I got too attached. I know I sacrificed far too much to stay his nanny - but I thought I was appreciated.

BTW, they are only putting him in daycare to save money.

you must be kidding me .this to me a mother's writing to her self As a nanny.should not be feeling that way the charge is not yours you got that mom shouldn't feel that way come on do the work you leave to me me the people in this world they should love him more than you just saying?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry, but what in the hell?

You don't know it's wrong for him at this point in his life. You just don't. Kids adapt and grow at a remarkable rate and he will get a lot out of daycare just like he got a lot out of his time with you.

Why are you so upset with his parents? You mentioned going back to work for your last couple of weeks so I'm assuming they gave you the appropriate amount of notice spelled out in your contract. What did you THINK was going to happen? Unless you're a nanny for the Von Trapps, there will come a point when you aren't needed on a daily basis. It's so hard to say goodbye and make that change, I've done it several times, but it's hardly cause to be angry.

Why wouldn't you want to treasure those last two weeks, say goodbye to the parents and playmates and music teachers and librarians you've come to know? To make a scrapbook of your time together, to take some pictures, even to squeeze in a special outing you normally don't? That is how a good nanny bows out of her position gracefully, what you did - walking out, telling his parents off - was immature and disgusting. I'm surprised they'd even let you come back to finish, but I suppose it's easier than hiring a temp.

[Anonymous]

Hit enter too soon.

They have decided that daycare is the right choice for their family at this point in time. Maybe DBs mother is in the early stages of Alzheimer's and they're trying to save for future residential services costs. Maybe they want to get into a daycare now because they want him to improve his skills around solitary play. Who knows? (The parents, not you.)

You sound like a child and I am shocked to hear you're in your late 30s or 40s. All jobs change, all jobs end, but your relationship with this family didn't have to. You could have stayed in touch, been invited to birthdays, babysat for date nights, and otherwise continued to be a strong and steady presence in this child's life. Instead you threw a selfish, ridiculous tantrum. What kind of example are you setting?