Transitions

[Anonymous]

My employers and I agree that we need to make smoother and more conversational transitions when I leave in the evening. We have instigated a "conversation" where we involve my two-year-old charge in talking about his day, what he ate and when he pooped, and including two great things that happened that day. Then I say my good-byes and tell my charge what we are going to do tomorrow.

The issue is that this all takes about 10 minutes and MB/DB still walk in the room to relieve me exactly at my end time so the ten minutes is coming out of my (unpaid) time. Along with the fact that they moved 15 minutes farther away from where I accepted the position, I am losing over an hour every day now.

How should I bring this up? I have no intention of quitting.

[Anonymous]

The commute sucks, but it's your choice to keep the job. As for the other, say that you need to leave closer to your end time, so you're going to start the transition at 10 till. They can come join you, or show up right at the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The commute sucks, but it's your choice to keep the job. As for the other, say that you need to leave closer to your end time, so you're going to start the transition at 10 till. They can come join you, or show up right at the end.

?? How can you do the debriefing conversation without the parents being present? NP here and in my opinion the nanny should be paid for these fifty minutes a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The commute sucks, but it's your choice to keep the job. As for the other, say that you need to leave closer to your end time, so you're going to start the transition at 10 till. They can come join you, or show up right at the end.

OP here and the point of the conversational transition is for the parents to learn about their child's day and cannot be done without them present.

As for the commute, I agree - I did agree to continue working for them after they moved. They went from being walking distance to my home to being a fifteen minute drive away. However, in light of that fact, I do believe they should be more - not less - appreciative of my ten minutes a day and relieve me ten minutes earlier (they are always home - just changing, showering, unpacking groceries, checking emails,etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The commute sucks, but it's your choice to keep the job. As for the other, say that you need to leave closer to your end time, so you're going to start the transition at 10 till. They can come join you, or show up right at the end.

OP here and the point of the conversational transition is for the parents to learn about their child's day and cannot be done without them present.

As for the commute, I agree - I did agree to continue working for them after they moved. They went from being walking distance to my home to being a fifteen minute drive away. However, in light of that fact, I do believe they should be more - not less - appreciative of my ten minutes a day and relieve me ten minutes earlier (they are always home - just changing, showering, unpacking groceries, checking emails,etc).

so say that to them

[Anonymous]

How about this:

"I really like the new approach for transitioning from me to you at the end of the day. It is taking a bit of time thought (which on nights when I have things planned is proving more challenging for me) so I had some thoughts about how we might refine the process further. How about if I keep a daily log that gives you info on meals, naps, poop, etc... Then you can review that at your convenience, and we wouldn't have to discuss it every day. Also, I'd like to start the transition period 5 or 10 minutes earlier so I can leave on time and I think the log would help with that also."

If I were the MB I would get the message.

If they aren't willing to work with you on this then you could say that the change in commute (that you fully agreed to), combined w/ an end of the day routine that is after 6, is making your day feel almost an hour longer each day. "I love this job and have no intention of leaving, it would just really help if I could either actually leave at 6 or if we extend my workday officially."

[Anonymous]

I start the debrief with the child 5 minutes before shift end regardless of whether the parent is listening or not. It's a way for the child to process that the day is over and that I'm leaving, the parents will be there with the child after. If the parents are late due to traffic or some other issue, I will wait, but it they decide to something else rather than talking to their child and me, I'm still leaving on time, and that means they can talk to the child by themselves later.

[Anonymous]

When you agreed to this Big Talk with them you should have brought up your leaving time. "It sounds like this will take about 15 minutes - do you want to come home 15 minutes earlier or if you can't, shall we change my paid hours to include that time?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My employers and I agree that we need to make smoother and more conversational transitions when I leave in the evening. We have instigated a "conversation" where we involve my two-year-old charge in talking about his day, what he ate and when he pooped, and including two great things that happened that day. Then I say my good-byes and tell my charge what we are going to do tomorrow.

The issue is that this all takes about 10 minutes and MB/DB still walk in the room to relieve me exactly at my end time so the ten minutes is coming out of my (unpaid) time. Along with the fact that they moved 15 minutes farther away from where I accepted the position, I am losing over an hour every day now.

How should I bring this up? I have no intention of quitting.

This is practically an hour OT every week and since this is what they want then they either pay you extra or come in 10 minutes earlier.
To go through this ludicrous charade with a 2 yr. Old. This comes under JOB CREEP. Nip in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Some parents love to take advantage on us! If we late 5 min they get annoyed. Why can they understand our situation?

[Anonymous]

I would call the parents 10 minutes out and have the conversation via phone so that you can leave as soon as they arrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about this:

"I really like the new approach for transitioning from me to you at the end of the day. It is taking a bit of time thought (which on nights when I have things planned is proving more challenging for me) so I had some thoughts about how we might refine the process further. How about if I keep a daily log that gives you info on meals, naps, poop, etc... Then you can review that at your convenience, and we wouldn't have to discuss it every day. Also, I'd like to start the transition period 5 or 10 minutes earlier so I can leave on time and I think the log would help with that also."

If I were the MB I would get the message.

If they aren't willing to work with you on this then you could say that the change in commute (that you fully agreed to), combined w/ an end of the day routine that is after 6, is making your day feel almost an hour longer each day. "I love this job and have no intention of leaving, it would just really help if I could either actually leave at 6 or if we extend my workday officially."

OP here. Excellent advice - thank you.

[Anonymous]

I don't think they can do anything about your work commute since you still agreed to be their employee after they moved.

I think the whole issue of you having to stay an extra ten minutes is a bit unfair of them. If they ever REQUIRE your presence in any shape or form, they are obligated to compensate you for your time since you are setting aside that time solely for their needs.

I know talking about stuff like this is truly awkward, but you have to discuss it sooner rather than later. Because the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be for them to understand your grievance w/them.

Just let them know that while you think their plan is a good one, if they need you to stay an add'l ten minutes to transition the child, then you would be happier if they could please come home an extra ten minutes or so earlier so you can leave at your scheduled time which has always worked for you. If they cannot make it home the ten minutes earlier, then tactfully request that you be paid for the extra time your presence is requested since it all adds up along w/your commute.

If they are not eager to do either of these things, perhaps you can use a notebook along w/your charge where you can ask him certain questions & he can fill in the blanks w/you writing in the answers.

Perhaps your bosses can print out copies of their questions, your charge can answer them + include a space for a personal message as well as a picture he can color in for fun.

Good luck, and good for you to stand up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about this:

"I really like the new approach for transitioning from me to you at the end of the day. It is taking a bit of time thought (which on nights when I have things planned is proving more challenging for me) so I had some thoughts about how we might refine the process further. How about if I keep a daily log that gives you info on meals, naps, poop, etc... Then you can review that at your convenience, and we wouldn't have to discuss it every day. Also, I'd like to start the transition period 5 or 10 minutes earlier so I can leave on time and I think the log would help with that also."

If I were the MB I would get the message.

If they aren't willing to work with you on this then you could say that the change in commute (that you fully agreed to), combined w/ an end of the day routine that is after 6, is making your day feel almost an hour longer each day. "I love this job and have no intention of leaving, it would just really help if I could either actually leave at 6 or if we extend my workday officially."

OP here. Excellent advice - thank you.

You're welcome! I hope they respond appropriately.

FWIW, my twins have become increasingly conscious of us talking about them during these transition periods (especially as they hit 3+) so we've had to rethink how much we can do in conversation at the end of the day versus good use of a log (on both sides - we put info in the log about sleep disruptions, whether they had a bath or not, etc... so we minimize the morning 'talk about them' period as well.) So you at some point might want to make the point that the child may eventually dislike and actively interfere with being discussed at length. You're not there yet, but you might be seeing that within a year and mentioning that (if needed) might be one more reason to not do everything in a debriefing conversation tagged on at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think they can do anything about your work commute since you still agreed to be their employee after they moved.

I think the whole issue of you having to stay an extra ten minutes is a bit unfair of them. If they ever REQUIRE your presence in any shape or form, they are obligated to compensate you for your time since you are setting aside that time solely for their needs.

I know talking about stuff like this is truly awkward, but you have to discuss it sooner rather than later. Because the longer you wait, the more difficult it will be for them to understand your grievance w/them.

Just let them know that while you think their plan is a good one, if they need you to stay an add'l ten minutes to transition the child, then you would be happier if they could please come home an extra ten minutes or so earlier so you can leave at your scheduled time which has always worked for you. If they cannot make it home the ten minutes earlier, then tactfully request that you be paid for the extra time your presence is requested since it all adds up along w/your commute.

If they are not eager to do either of these things, perhaps you can use a notebook along w/your charge where you can ask him certain questions & he can fill in the blanks w/you writing in the answers.

Perhaps your bosses can print out copies of their questions, your charge can answer them + include a space for a personal message as well as a picture he can color in for fun.

Good luck, and good for you to stand up for yourself.

Perfect advice here.