I think I just screwed myself out of an offer:(
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Anonymous
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I interviewed with a family yesterday and really like them. I was there 2.5 hours with several compliments throughout the interview. The parents specified they wanted to do a shadow day with their chosen nanny. Towards the end of the interview, the dad kept asking me to do two shadow days next week. I have other offers and told him I don't do shadows days, unless I have some offer. It can be contingent on the shadow day, but I do not want to left high and dry. He then still asked five more times if I would do it. To me it was almost like a verbal offer on the spot. I do have offers and wanted to get theirs in full before I made a decision. The mom told me there was another interview after me and they would let me know.
I did not get it and I'm assuming it's because I was pushy on an offer first? They seemed adamant they ( at least the dad) wanted me. Now I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and wonder if I should keep my mouth shut on other offers, and do shadow days before an offer? |
Anonymous
| To add on: the mom seemed to want me, too, but then said about letting me know after me not agreeing to shadow days beforehand. I think she thought I was not interested at all. |
Anonymous
| If someone asks to do a shadow day that means they're probably going to hire you. They're pretty sure. They're not going to ask someone they don't like or aren't serious about to come back, they'd be herding you to the door as fast as they can. Next time take the shadow day if you're at all interested in working for them. |
Anonymous
I think you were their first choice until you refused to do a shadow day without an offer in hand. I would not make an offer until after a trial day because neither we or the nanny would know it was a true fit until then. I think your mentioning you had five other offers would make me feel pressured to hurry up and hire you even if I didn't have a chance to see you working with my kids. They probably decided you would be too hard to please and decided to pass on you. |
Anonymous
Pp here. Correction: I didn't mean five other offers but a few other offers. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Thanks for the honest feedback. I'm getting a sense of that, too. I've really never had a shadow offered before getting an offer. It's likely they thought I was not interested or just too pushy. I did like them and it sucks to lose out.
F.Y.I. I work euth infants, generally starting at 3 months when mom returns to work. |
Anonymous
| OP again. The nanny they chose interviewed after me. It could be they just clicked with her though. |
Anonymous
Why do you care? You had all those other offers, just accept one and move on. You obviously didn't care about this family/offer enough to agree to a shadow day when ask so I don't see why you are even still thinking about it. |
Anonymous
| We're they paying for the shadow days? |
Anonymous
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The shadow day is part of the interview process. It's like being invited for a second interview. You effectively bowed out of the process, perhaps without realizing it, and tried to set the terms of how and when you're receive the offer. Negotiation isn't in your court until you have the offer. Until the family has chosen you, the ball is in their court.
You are, of course, free to take the approach of "this is how I do things, I don't do XYZ, I only do ABC" but, personally - I associate that attitude with daycare centers, where they have to take a cookie cutter approach because they are an institution, offering care that has to be replicated for several children and they can't possibly remember 12 different ways of doing things. But you are an individual and families hire nannies because they want tailored care. It's fine that you have boundaries, you should - like not mopping floors, for example. But if you start out in your first meeting with the family being all about how you do things and can not make an exception, well I'm going to assume the inflexibility only continues from there. You're probably not that extreme, especially since you're being so reflective now, but I just share that to give you a sense of how it can come across to the people on the other side. The dad asked you five times and you declined five times. If I had seen that, I would have taken that as a red flag. It's not like he was asking you to do anything humiliating. They just wanted to see you interact with the kids. |
Anonymous
| Families don't like hearing the word no. I would have sent you packing after the first no. I wouldn't have asked 5 times |
Anonymous
Why would they? Nanny wants a job, MB needs to know nanny is a good worker and gets along with the kids. The only way to accomplish that is to see her work. If MB is shadowing the nanny she obviously isn't getting anything out of it (no childcare, no free time, etc.) so it's just an interview. If you are morally opposed to that then don't agree to come. |
Anonymous
Most, if not all, employers pay for shadow days. |
Anonymous
Well luckily OP can go work for one of them. Oh oops, she can't. |
Anonymous
OP wrote that she didn't do shadow days -- not that she didn't do shadow days where she wasn't being paid for her time. Any employer who doesn't pay for training in any field should be disregarded immediately. |