I think I just screwed myself out of an offer:(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're they paying for the shadow days?

Why would they? Nanny wants a job, MB needs to know nanny is a good worker and gets along with the kids. The only way to accomplish that is to see her work. If MB is shadowing the nanny she obviously isn't getting anything out of it (no childcare, no free time, etc.) so it's just an interview. If you are morally opposed to that then don't agree to come.

Most, if not all, employers pay for shadow days.

Well luckily OP can go work for one of them. Oh oops, she can't.

OP wrote that she didn't do shadow days -- not that she didn't do shadow days where she wasn't being paid for her time.

Any employer who doesn't pay for training in any field should be disregarded immediately.

Shadow days aren't training. They are observations. The parent is observing the perspective employee interacting with the child. If all goes well they will be offered a job. It's not training, it's not free babysitting. It shouldn't be paid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're they paying for the shadow days?

Why would they? Nanny wants a job, MB needs to know nanny is a good worker and gets along with the kids. The only way to accomplish that is to see her work. If MB is shadowing the nanny she obviously isn't getting anything out of it (no childcare, no free time, etc.) so it's just an interview. If you are morally opposed to that then don't agree to come.

Most, if not all, employers pay for shadow days.

Well luckily OP can go work for one of them. Oh oops, she can't.

OP wrote that she didn't do shadow days -- not that she didn't do shadow days where she wasn't being paid for her time.

Any employer who doesn't pay for training in any field should be disregarded immediately.

OP here. I never said " I do not do shadow days". I said I am use to doing shadow days ( per family request) after the offer has been offered and accepted. Now I know not to pass on the shadow day, even if I don't get an offer first.

Yes, I do get paid shadow days. It wasn't like I completely shut it down. I just told them I don't do shadow days until there is some form off an offer on the table. In my defense, what if I turn down offers bcuz I accepted a shadow day, thinking it will lead to an offer. Then the offer doesn't come and I'm screwed. I explained this and the dad goes " I doubt you will be without a family or offers. You're so lovely!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're they paying for the shadow days?

Why would they? Nanny wants a job, MB needs to know nanny is a good worker and gets along with the kids. The only way to accomplish that is to see her work. If MB is shadowing the nanny she obviously isn't getting anything out of it (no childcare, no free time, etc.) so it's just an interview. If you are morally opposed to that then don't agree to come.

Most, if not all, employers pay for shadow days.

Well luckily OP can go work for one of them. Oh oops, she can't.

OP wrote that she didn't do shadow days -- not that she didn't do shadow days where she wasn't being paid for her time.

Any employer who doesn't pay for training in any field should be disregarded immediately.

OP here. I never said " I do not do shadow days". I said I am use to doing shadow days ( per family request) after the offer has been offered and accepted. Now I know not to pass on the shadow day, even if I don't get an offer first.

Yes, I do get paid shadow days. It wasn't like I completely shut it down. I just told them I don't do shadow days until there is some form off an offer on the table. In my defense, what if I turn down offers bcuz I accepted a shadow day, thinking it will lead to an offer. Then the offer doesn't come and I'm screwed. I explained this and the dad goes " I doubt you will be without a family or offers. You're so lovely!"

If you preferred one of the earlier offers, then no reason to do the shadow day at all. If you literally were going to lose the other offers if you waited until after the shadow day with this family, but you liked this family the best, that's when you say you have other offers, blah, blah, blah. You don't refuse the shadow day out of principle unless it's going to negatively affect your prospects.

[Anonymous]

OP, does "Shadow day" mean "working interview" to you? I have never heard the term shadow day before. I had my top three nanny candidates do working interviews so I could make an informed decision on who we wanted to offer the job to.

We paid for the working interview, at an hourly rate. I was able to write thank you notes at the dining room table while the prospective nannies played with the baby in the living room. I was able to get things done in the kitchen while they walked the baby around the house. Stuff like that.

I would never extend an offer contingent on the working interview going well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does "Shadow day" mean "working interview" to you? I have never heard the term shadow day before. I had my top three nanny candidates do working interviews so I could make an informed decision on who we wanted to offer the job to.

We paid for the working interview, at an hourly rate. I was able to write thank you notes at the dining room table while the prospective nannies played with the baby in the living room. I was able to get things done in the kitchen while they walked the baby around the house. Stuff like that.

I would never extend an offer contingent on the working interview going well.

Yes and no. The " shadow day" is to see how I interact with the baby, get the lay of the land, ask any questions before the first day, and let MB go buy new clothes, run errands, etc. I know trial days do exist before an offer, but I've never done it that way. I've always had employers offer for the position and ask me to come in for a shadow day or two. I've never had a family until now ask me to do a trial day or shadow before an offer. That's why I thought it was strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're they paying for the shadow days?

Why would they? Nanny wants a job, MB needs to know nanny is a good worker and gets along with the kids. The only way to accomplish that is to see her work. If MB is shadowing the nanny she obviously isn't getting anything out of it (no childcare, no free time, etc.) so it's just an interview. If you are morally opposed to that then don't agree to come.

Most, if not all, employers pay for shadow days.

Well luckily OP can go work for one of them. Oh oops, she can't.

OP wrote that she didn't do shadow days -- not that she didn't do shadow days where she wasn't being paid for her time.

Any employer who doesn't pay for training in any field should be disregarded immediately.

OP here. I never said " I do not do shadow days". I said I am use to doing shadow days ( per family request) after the offer has been offered and accepted. Now I know not to pass on the shadow day, even if I don't get an offer first.

Yes, I do get paid shadow days. It wasn't like I completely shut it down. I just told them I don't do shadow days until there is some form off an offer on the table. In my defense, what if I turn down offers bcuz I accepted a shadow day, thinking it will lead to an offer. Then the offer doesn't come and I'm screwed. I explained this and the dad goes " I doubt you will be without a family or offers. You're so lovely!"

If you preferred one of the earlier offers, then no reason to do the shadow day at all. If you literally were going to lose the other offers if you waited until after the shadow day with this family, but you liked this family the best, that's when you say you have other offers, blah, blah, blah. You don't refuse the shadow day out of principle unless it's going to negatively affect your prospects.

This is exactly what I've already explained. I did like this family best but I had deadlines for other offers. If I agreed to the shadow/trial day, I would of had to turn down other offers. I think if I had no offers or more wiggle room, I would have done it. The biggest issue is they still were going to interview another candidate MB really liked. I could of agreed to a shadow day and turned down other offers, for them to have gone with the other candidate ( which is who they chose). I am looking out of my best interest.

[Anonymous]

nanny here and I think you were wrong to be pushy and ask for an offer before a shadow day. a shadow day, like other pps have said, is like a second interview. if you repeatedly asked for an offer before you went on your second interview AND said you had other offers waiting for you, I wouldn't have bothered with you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're they paying for the shadow days?

Why would they? Nanny wants a job, MB needs to know nanny is a good worker and gets along with the kids. The only way to accomplish that is to see her work. If MB is shadowing the nanny she obviously isn't getting anything out of it (no childcare, no free time, etc.) so it's just an interview. If you are morally opposed to that then don't agree to come.

Most, if not all, employers pay for shadow days.

Well luckily OP can go work for one of them. Oh oops, she can't.

OP wrote that she didn't do shadow days -- not that she didn't do shadow days where she wasn't being paid for her time.

Any employer who doesn't pay for training in any field should be disregarded immediately.

OP here. I never said " I do not do shadow days". I said I am use to doing shadow days ( per family request) after the offer has been offered and accepted. Now I know not to pass on the shadow day, even if I don't get an offer first.

Yes, I do get paid shadow days. It wasn't like I completely shut it down. I just told them I don't do shadow days until there is some form off an offer on the table. In my defense, what if I turn down offers bcuz I accepted a shadow day, thinking it will lead to an offer. Then the offer doesn't come and I'm screwed. I explained this and the dad goes " I doubt you will be without a family or offers. You're so lovely!"

If you preferred one of the earlier offers, then no reason to do the shadow day at all. If you literally were going to lose the other offers if you waited until after the shadow day with this family, but you liked this family the best, that's when you say you have other offers, blah, blah, blah. You don't refuse the shadow day out of principle unless it's going to negatively affect your prospects.

This is exactly what I've already explained. I did like this family best but I had deadlines for other offers. If I agreed to the shadow/trial day, I would of had to turn down other offers. I think if I had no offers or more wiggle room, I would have done it. The biggest issue is they still were going to interview another candidate MB really liked. I could of agreed to a shadow day and turned down other offers, for them to have gone with the other candidate ( which is who they chose). I am looking out of my best interest.

You lucked out. Looks like this family didn't like you anyways so be glad you didn't pass on any other offers.

[Anonymous]

I've always done trial days before an offer. Honestly you shouldn't be accepting or offering a job without spending some time together and seeing if it's a good fit. I've had some trial days go terrible and was so glad that I could just say "sorry this isn't the right job for me" and move on.

I've also always been paid for my trial days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're they paying for the shadow days?

Why would they? Nanny wants a job, MB needs to know nanny is a good worker and gets along with the kids. The only way to accomplish that is to see her work. If MB is shadowing the nanny she obviously isn't getting anything out of it (no childcare, no free time, etc.) so it's just an interview. If you are morally opposed to that then don't agree to come.

Most, if not all, employers pay for shadow days.

Well luckily OP can go work for one of them. Oh oops, she can't.

OP wrote that she didn't do shadow days -- not that she didn't do shadow days where she wasn't being paid for her time.

Any employer who doesn't pay for training in any field should be disregarded immediately.

OP here. I never said " I do not do shadow days". I said I am use to doing shadow days ( per family request) after the offer has been offered and accepted. Now I know not to pass on the shadow day, even if I don't get an offer first.

Yes, I do get paid shadow days. It wasn't like I completely shut it down. I just told them I don't do shadow days until there is some form off an offer on the table. In my defense, what if I turn down offers bcuz I accepted a shadow day, thinking it will lead to an offer. Then the offer doesn't come and I'm screwed. I explained this and the dad goes " I doubt you will be without a family or offers. You're so lovely!"

If you preferred one of the earlier offers, then no reason to do the shadow day at all. If you literally were going to lose the other offers if you waited until after the shadow day with this family, but you liked this family the best, that's when you say you have other offers, blah, blah, blah. You don't refuse the shadow day out of principle unless it's going to negatively affect your prospects.

This is exactly what I've already explained. I did like this family best but I had deadlines for other offers. If I agreed to the shadow/trial day, I would of had to turn down other offers. I think if I had no offers or more wiggle room, I would have done it. The biggest issue is they still were going to interview another candidate MB really liked. I could of agreed to a shadow day and turned down other offers, for them to have gone with the other candidate ( which is who they chose). I am looking out of my best interest.

Then there was nothing you could have done. You can't force a family to make you an offer on the spot, so you told the truth about your other offers, and they decided to go with someone else. You have other offers, so you can take one.
The one thing you might have done that would have helped was to say that they were your favorite family, and ask if they would be willing to move the trial day up, to say, that same day or the next day.

[Anonymous]

I have never done a trial or shadow day, and I'm not interested in doing either. I don't work with infants under 6 months, and any child over 6 months will act differently when the parent isn't there, so shadow days are useless, IMO. A single trial day is also useless IMO, so I do a trial period of 1 week, 2 weeks or 1 month, depending on the family. If the trial is for 1 month and I know after 5 days that this isn't a good fit, but it's not a horrid situation, I will notify the parents that it's not a great fit and I'm continuing my search, but I would be happy to stay for up to the end of the trial. That gives the parents a cushion to find other care, and I've had a set of parents who interviewed nannies during the day while I was there, and the candidates could come talk to me and meet the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To add on: the mom seemed to want me, too, but then said about letting me know after me not agreeing to shadow days beforehand. I think she thought I was not interested at all.

Trial periods are quite common for full-time nannies. Some last 1-2 months and both sides like to have them to ensure a good fit.

You will never know what happened here so just move on. Generally speaking you might want to reconsider your "need a binding offer" before you X, Y or Z. All of this is employee at will, so no use propping things up like it is not.

[Anonymous]

I think internally you want one of your other offers so overplayed your hand with this family. You'll get over your buyer's remorse, and enjoy the other family and offer you select (assuming you did not make them up).

[Anonymous]

Unless you had some stellar offers from other families, I would have gone ahead + agreed to do the shadow days for this family.

The dynamic in this profession is based most importantly on good chemistry between the parents, their child(ren) and the nanny. Everyone must click and be on the same page regarding many things in order for things to work in the long-term. (Which I think is the ultimate goal for ALL nanny jobs.)

I think they pretty much knew that they wanted to hire you, however they wanted to make 120% sure that all of you would be a great match. The only way to know that before extending a full job offer is to start off w/a shadow day or two.

Perhaps you could have compromised and offered one shadow day....??

Anyway, the only time I may possibly deny a shadow day is for those families who have multiple candidates to shadow days so they can make a final decision.

That is just not my thing.

Good luck and I hope this was helpful.