Nanny who has children the same age as yours?

[Anonymous]

We are about to embark on a new nanny search and I was wondering what people think of hiring a nanny who has a child the same age as yours? Do you think this would affect their performance? I would especially appreciate hearing from anyone who currently employs or has employed a nanny with a kid the same age as yours. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

We had a nanny for about a year who had two children about the same age as mine (3.5 and 1.5). She needed a fulltime job b/c her husband was unemployed, so even thugh I felt badly that she was watching my kids instead of her own, she would have been working somewhere.

It worked just fine for the first 6 months. Then, her husband found a job, and there were scheduling difficulties with her older son who was in 1/2 day preschool (younger son stayed with his aunt and a cousin the same age). I work from home, so I was able to work with her to adjust the schedule several times for a variety of other scheduling conflicts that arose, but ultimately she quit to stay home with her kids.

I don't know that I would do this again. I hate to "ding" a mother with young kids, because I am one, too, but there were just too many moving parts to her life, and once I needed to go back to working in an office, it became stressful for both of us.

I did offer to let her bring either or both of her kids occasionally if school was out or her childcare fell through. She took me up on this exactly once, and was so overwhelmed with the four of them that she never tried again.

[Anonymous]

I don't hire nannies who have children. Too many complications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't hire nannies who have children. Too many complications.

Are you allowed to ask if someone has kids when interviewing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't hire nannies who have children. Too many complications.

Are you allowed to ask if someone has kids when interviewing?

You certainly can't ask if they are pregnant or plan to get pregnant. But I'm not sure if it's illegal to ask about kids? Even if it is, there are other ways to find out without being so direct.

[Anonymous]

We did. Would never do it again. She constantly made comparisons and uninformed suggestions off those comparisons. Example: her kid is a crazy early talker. With both words and sentences. Mine is smack in the middle average. She kept urging me to call the pediatrician because he might have a speech delay. Would send her articles showing how my kid was just average but nothing to worry about. Towards the end (before we let her go) she would keep mentioning it and how she would be up all night worrying about my kid after spending the afternoon with hers and seeing the differences.

Similar thing re: walking. My kid was on the early end of average for walking. Hers was on the late. Towards the end, I'd have to console her when I got home because she would be so worked up about the difference.

Looking back, I think she was suffering from long term PPD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did. Would never do it again. She constantly made comparisons and uninformed suggestions off those comparisons.

OP here- yes, that would be my main concern. Comparisons and even confusion about what's best for which child. Thanks for your input. Definitely helpful!

[Anonymous]

My nanny also made comparisons. She also would ask me often how much something I bought for my DCs cost. It became awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't hire nannies who have children. Too many complications.

Are you allowed to ask if someone has kids when interviewing?

You certainly can't ask if they are pregnant or plan to get pregnant. But I'm not sure if it's illegal to ask about kids? Even if it is, there are other ways to find out without being so direct.

Houeshold employees can ask almost anything they want to ask. The employment laws do not apply to them because the way the laws are structured defines an employee by the number of employers they have, making household employers excempt because they only employ a few people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't hire nannies who have children. Too many complications.

This is how I feel about hiring pregnant women and women with children. Too many complications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't hire nannies who have children. Too many complications.

I hope your employer decides to adopt the same perspective and fires you for simply being a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't hire nannies who have children. Too many complications.

This is how I feel about hiring pregnant women and women with children. Too many complications.

Same for you. Hope you get fired and no one will hire you for being a mom.

[Anonymous]

If faced with two equally qualified nannies, one of whom had young children and one who did not, I would hire the one without young kids.

As any parent of young kids knows, they get sick. They get sick a fair amount, little head colds, flus, ear infections, etc... It goes with the territory. If a mother doesn't have a childcare option in place that includes being home w/ a sick child, then the mother or father has to stay home (generally).

So why would I choose a nanny who will be facing the exact same childcare challenges that I face, and that drive me to hire her in the first place? I assume that a mother of young children will need days off unexpectedly and that is the single most difficult thing for me to accommodate.

It's a shame, but it's the reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny also made comparisons. She also would ask me often how much something I bought for my DCs cost. It became awkward.

+1 We hired a nanny with a child the same age and let her go after 2.5 weeks. It was awkward and uncomfortable and she was constantly asking what we had spent on certain things and was clearly resentful. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If faced with two equally qualified nannies, one of whom had young children and one who did not, I would hire the one without young kids.

As any parent of young kids knows, they get sick. They get sick a fair amount, little head colds, flus, ear infections, etc... It goes with the territory. If a mother doesn't have a childcare option in place that includes being home w/ a sick child, then the mother or father has to stay home (generally).

So why would I choose a nanny who will be facing the exact same childcare challenges that I face, and that drive me to hire her in the first place? I assume that a mother of young children will need days off unexpectedly and that is the single most difficult thing for me to accommodate.

It's a shame, but it's the reality.

Get backup care then because if you expect your nanny to never get sick, especially after forcing her to take care of your snot-infested kid, then you're an idiot. And she may get pregnant at some point. I assume you'd just fire her if she did though.