Penny Wise but Pound Foolish

[Anonymous]

Family therapist here. Agree on much of the above. Hundreds of patients over the years who doubted their parents loved them or wanted them, whether true or not. Used to be that was a common problem about fathers, but the last 20 years has really been more about the moms. Education and experience taught me to only see clients during my kids' school hours.

And to poster above who mentioned 6:30-6:30 daycare? Believe me, the kids know why. They won't tell you, but they tell me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family therapist here. Agree on much of the above. Hundreds of patients over the years who doubted their parents loved them or wanted them, whether true or not. Used to be that was a common problem about fathers, but the last 20 years has really been more about the moms. Education and experience taught me to only see clients during my kids' school hours.

And to poster above who mentioned 6:30-6:30 daycare? Believe me, the kids know why. They won't tell you, but they tell me.

If you met my parents, I was far better off with a bad nanny (they were nice to me but not my sister) and day care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids who only see their mom an or 2 day are the whining kids you occasionally see out and about. What a skewed view of parenthood these "parents" are demonstrating. They really don't like/didn't want their kids.

Said the nanny who refuses to do anything but supervise the kid, wants $30-40 an hour a daily housekeeper and cook. How do you think parents pay for their and your lifestyle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids who only see their mom an or 2 day are the whining kids you occasionally see out and about. What a skewed view of parenthood these "parents" are demonstrating. They really don't like/didn't want their kids.

Said the nanny who refuses to do anything but supervise the kid, wants $30-40 an hour a daily housekeeper and cook. How do you think parents pay for their and your lifestyle?

So it’s the nanny’s fault? The parents want to be home but their housekeeper/chef is too expensive so they have to work more?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family therapist here. Agree on much of the above. Hundreds of patients over the years who doubted their parents loved them or wanted them, whether true or not. Used to be that was a common problem about fathers, but the last 20 years has really been more about the moms. Education and experience taught me to only see clients during my kids' school hours.

And to poster above who mentioned 6:30-6:30 daycare? Believe me, the kids know why. They won't tell you, but they tell me.

24/7 nanny here.

For some of the kids I‘ve known and loved, it’s not through the custodial parent’s fault. When one parent walks out, the other parent has to shift focus. For some that’s working crazy hours just to stay ahead. For others, it’s having the nanny stay late multiple times per week, while the parent actively looks for a new step-parent for the children. For others, it’s trying to bury themselves in work to put off dealing with their own emotional turmoil.

In two parent homes, there are parents who are working hard to be able to pay for care for their elderly parents. Sometimes they’re paying for care for their sibling who is unable to care for themselves. Sometimes they’re paying off massive student loans, and they’re worried about falling behind if there’s a layoff. Sometimes they’re close enough to retirement that they need to be socking money away. Sometimes they’re trying to earn enough to give their kids every opportunity they didn’t have.

And yes, sometimes they’re trying to afford a certain lifestyle, one they couldn’t afford without working crazy hours. And sometimes certain parents just don’t have the ability to connect well with young kids, but they do quite well with preteens and teens.

It’s foolhardy to state that kids “know” why their parents do things. As a therapist, one would think you’d understand that plenty of people assume things that are far from the truth, and it’s especially prevalent in children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids who only see their mom an or 2 day are the whining kids you occasionally see out and about. What a skewed view of parenthood these "parents" are demonstrating. They really don't like/didn't want their kids.

Said the nanny who refuses to do anything but supervise the kid, wants $30-40 an hour a daily housekeeper and cook. How do you think parents pay for their and your lifestyle?

A nanny’s job is to take care of the children. That does not include cleaning your house, cooking your meals or doing your errands. And during covid? Yes, nannies are in demand, which means you can pay what is asked or figure out something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids who only see their mom an or 2 day are the whining kids you occasionally see out and about. What a skewed view of parenthood these "parents" are demonstrating. They really don't like/didn't want their kids.

Said the nanny who refuses to do anything but supervise the kid, wants $30-40 an hour a daily housekeeper and cook. How do you think parents pay for their and your lifestyle?

A nanny’s job is to take care of the children. That does not include cleaning your house, cooking your meals or doing your errands. And during covid? Yes, nannies are in demand, which means you can pay what is asked or figure out something else.

It means keeping the areas the nanny uses and the kids room clean. It means cooking, grocery shopping and errands for the kids. And, the kids laundry. You are lazy if you just want to sit and supervise kids and do nothing else. I hope you don't have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids who only see their mom an or 2 day are the whining kids you occasionally see out and about. What a skewed view of parenthood these "parents" are demonstrating. They really don't like/didn't want their kids.

Said the nanny who refuses to do anything but supervise the kid, wants $30-40 an hour a daily housekeeper and cook. How do you think parents pay for their and your lifestyle?

A nanny’s job is to take care of the children. That does not include cleaning your house, cooking your meals or doing your errands. And during covid? Yes, nannies are in demand, which means you can pay what is asked or figure out something else.

It means keeping the areas the nanny uses and the kids room clean. It means cooking, grocery shopping and errands for the kids. And, the kids laundry. You are lazy if you just want to sit and supervise kids and do nothing else. I hope you don't have kids.

NP here. I would agree with most of your list but grocery shopping and cooking other than simple lunches are not standard nanny duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids who only see their mom an or 2 day are the whining kids you occasionally see out and about. What a skewed view of parenthood these "parents" are demonstrating. They really don't like/didn't want their kids.

Said the nanny who refuses to do anything but supervise the kid, wants $30-40 an hour a daily housekeeper and cook. How do you think parents pay for their and your lifestyle?

A nanny’s job is to take care of the children. That does not include cleaning your house, cooking your meals or doing your errands. And during covid? Yes, nannies are in demand, which means you can pay what is asked or figure out something else.

It means keeping the areas the nanny uses and the kids room clean. It means cooking, grocery shopping and errands for the kids. And, the kids laundry. You are lazy if you just want to sit and supervise kids and do nothing else. I hope you don't have kids.

You’re lazy if you just want to outsource everything for your kid. See how stupid you sound now.

[Anonymous]

Where is the "mpm" part with all this outsourcing? Are you home by 5pm every day to make and eat dinner with your kids(per has, help them with homework, help to pick out their clothes for the next day, bathe them, read in bed with them, sing them to sleep? So, about 3 hours per day with the kids? any morning hours with them?

[Anonymous]

I don't know any nannies in my UMC circle who do cleaning and laundry and all those petty extras the parents are too lazy to do. My nanny and our friends' nannies take care of the kids which means feeding, reading, art projects, taking kids to school and activities if kids are of that age, and the like. Housekeeping and laundry are the duties of the housekeeper.

Any family expecting those duties from a nanny are too cheap to too poor to employ both. Nannies who agree to such conditions are unfortunately very desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is the "mpm" part with all this outsourcing? Are you home by 5pm every day to make and eat dinner with your kids(per has, help them with homework, help to pick out their clothes for the next day, bathe them, read in bed with them, sing them to sleep? So, about 3 hours per day with the kids? any morning hours with them?

*mom*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids who only see their mom an or 2 day are the whining kids you occasionally see out and about. What a skewed view of parenthood these "parents" are demonstrating. They really don't like/didn't want their kids.

Said the nanny who refuses to do anything but supervise the kid, wants $30-40 an hour a daily housekeeper and cook. How do you think parents pay for their and your lifestyle?

A nanny’s job is to take care of the children. That does not include cleaning your house, cooking your meals or doing your errands. And during covid? Yes, nannies are in demand, which means you can pay what is asked or figure out something else.

It means keeping the areas the nanny uses and the kids room clean. It means cooking, grocery shopping and errands for the kids. And, the kids laundry. You are lazy if you just want to sit and supervise kids and do nothing else. I hope you don't have kids.

I’ve worked up to 24/7, and I’m very far from being lazy, thanks. I believe you missed the word your. I meant it to refer to you, the parents. I have no problem doing anything child-related. Most other nannies wouldn’t have an issue with it don’t either.

[Anonymous]

Professional nannies with degrees don''t do other people's laundry. Ewww.

[Anonymous]

The reason we stopped using nannies when our kids started school is that it was too hard to find someone good who was willing to do drop-off, pickup, and after school, but then fill in the rest of the day with house stuff (groceries, cooking, laundry, but not cleaning--we had a person for that). So, the choice was to find a childcare-only person who wanted a split shift (might as well find a unicorn), find a nanny/housekeeper (more like a four-leaf clover--not impossible, but very, very tough), or pay a child-care only person full time to work 4 hours a day. After 6 months of looking for a nanny/housekeeper, we gave up.