Au pair asked to live with us after year two

[Anonymous]

Why don't you help her find an alternate living situation or ditch the renter idea? Sounds like you don't really want to lose the space and don't really need the income anyway.

[Anonymous]

Given your concern about running afoul of the student visa restrictions, I assume you’d want to make this basement apartment totally legal and licensed as well, no? Cause (at least in DC) that’s a considerable investment for the low rent you’d be able to charge for a shared bathroom, and you’d want to check whether that’s even legal anyway.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t do this. What happens if one of you looses your job and you need more $ from the rental? Then you’ll have to kick her out while she is halfway through.

I know a family that did this - the former au pair helped a lot. And then she stayed WAY over the original agreed to time and the family was too nice to kick her out. But every time we ran into them, they would say yeah so-and-so is still here- we keep hinting that she should move out... I think 5 years later, she finally moved out.

[Anonymous]

Op here. We said no. Thought about it for a month, and decided we would probably like to rent out the room. DH is not comfortable with two additional people in the house. Anyway our AP is upset. She has time to figure out a plan for herself though — I didn’t want to string her along.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We said no. Thought about it for a month, and decided we would probably like to rent out the room. DH is not comfortable with two additional people in the house. Anyway our AP is upset. She has time to figure out a plan for herself though — I didn’t want to string her along.

Why is she upset ? Disappointed I get it, but upset ? You dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Exactly. I hope the next 5 months go smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We said no. Thought about it for a month, and decided we would probably like to rent out the room. DH is not comfortable with two additional people in the house. Anyway our AP is upset. She has time to figure out a plan for herself though — I didn’t want to string her along.

She's upset that you aren't providing her free housing? Is she entitled in other ways, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We said no. Thought about it for a month, and decided we would probably like to rent out the room. DH is not comfortable with two additional people in the house. Anyway our AP is upset. She has time to figure out a plan for herself though — I didn’t want to string her along.

She's upset that you aren't providing her free housing? Is she entitled in other ways, too?

Exactly. We suspected some entitlement issues along the way, but this still surprised me (at one point she asked whether, when we exchanged our 1 family car at the end of the lease, we could keep the old car so that she could use it. We said the point of a lease is that we trade in every four years, we have one car, and me and DH take the bus to work so she can drive the kids to and from school. In addition we pay her gas and let her drive about 50 miles in the area each day (we have a car tracker). We gave her an unlimited monthly metro card but she scoffed at it and prefers to drive the car to and from her friends in Virginia and Tyson’s, from inside DC where we live).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We said no. Thought about it for a month, and decided we would probably like to rent out the room. DH is not comfortable with two additional people in the house. Anyway our AP is upset. She has time to figure out a plan for herself though — I didn’t want to string her along.

She's upset that you aren't providing her free housing? Is she entitled in other ways, too?

Exactly. We suspected some entitlement issues along the way, but this still surprised me (at one point she asked whether, when we exchanged our 1 family car at the end of the lease, we could keep the old car so that she could use it. We said the point of a lease is that we trade in every four years, we have one car, and me and DH take the bus to work so she can drive the kids to and from school. In addition we pay her gas and let her drive about 50 miles in the area each day (we have a car tracker). We gave her an unlimited monthly metro card but she scoffed at it and prefers to drive the car to and from her friends in Virginia and Tyson’s, from inside DC where we live).

Wow you are a nice person to let her drive around your new, leased car! My AP gets an older beat up car to drive, I would never allow her to drive our expensive car. She has already bumped into 2 cars and done minor damage, plus hit a pole with someone else's car

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We said no. Thought about it for a month, and decided we would probably like to rent out the room. DH is not comfortable with two additional people in the house. Anyway our AP is upset. She has time to figure out a plan for herself though — I didn’t want to string her along.

She's upset that you aren't providing her free housing? Is she entitled in other ways, too?

Exactly. We suspected some entitlement issues along the way, but this still surprised me (at one point she asked whether, when we exchanged our 1 family car at the end of the lease, we could keep the old car so that she could use it. We said the point of a lease is that we trade in every four years, we have one car, and me and DH take the bus to work so she can drive the kids to and from school. In addition we pay her gas and let her drive about 50 miles in the area each day (we have a car tracker). We gave her an unlimited monthly metro card but she scoffed at it and prefers to drive the car to and from her friends in Virginia and Tyson’s, from inside DC where we live).

Wow you are a nice person to let her drive around your new, leased car! My AP gets an older beat up car to drive, I would never allow her to drive our expensive car. She has already bumped into 2 cars and done minor damage, plus hit a pole with someone else's car

Yeah she’s been with us for a while and we’re comfortable with her driving. But if it’s sleet or snow or storm I usually tell her no driving except to and from school, or my DH will do stop off. I know she’d prefer to have a clunker all to herself but we’re not paying insurance on two cars etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. We said no. Thought about it for a month, and decided we would probably like to rent out the room. DH is not comfortable with two additional people in the house. Anyway our AP is upset. She has time to figure out a plan for herself though — I didn’t want to string her along.

She's upset that you aren't providing her free housing? Is she entitled in other ways, too?

Exactly. We suspected some entitlement issues along the way, but this still surprised me (at one point she asked whether, when we exchanged our 1 family car at the end of the lease, we could keep the old car so that she could use it. We said the point of a lease is that we trade in every four years, we have one car, and me and DH take the bus to work so she can drive the kids to and from school. In addition we pay her gas and let her drive about 50 miles in the area each day (we have a car tracker). We gave her an unlimited monthly metro card but she scoffed at it and prefers to drive the car to and from her friends in Virginia and Tyson’s, from inside DC where we live).

Wow you are a nice person to let her drive around your new, leased car! My AP gets an older beat up car to drive, I would never allow her to drive our expensive car. She has already bumped into 2 cars and done minor damage, plus hit a pole with someone else's car

Yeah she’s been with us for a while and we’re comfortable with her driving. But if it’s sleet or snow or storm I usually tell her no driving except to and from school, or my DH will do stop off. I know she’d prefer to have a clunker all to herself but we’re not paying insurance on two cars etc.

Yikes, OP. She wants a free place to live and a free car, and is actually upset you said no? I foresee nothing but problems with her going forward.

[Anonymous]

With the latest updates, agree with pp that you dodged a bullet.