Two months in...

[Anonymous]

Just like with all child care, having an AP isn’t going to be right for everyone, but for others it may be perfect. I don’t think you can generalize base on age, alone - it all just depends on everyone involved, the AP the host parents, the kids.

And once you add on all of the costs (agency fees, car, food, cell phone, the list goes on!), you really don’t save much compared to other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the productive responses. We do need to work on getting her out of the house on a regular basis, or setting up playdates (which I've told her she can/should feel free to do). I've encouraged her to go out every day between naps - she is from a warm weather climate and think she prefers to stay indoors during the winter... but she has to get used to it and I realize it's my job to make her get out. I will not, however, let her drive with my kids until I'm comfortable. I won't sacrifice their safety/wellbeing for her happiness... p.s. she doesn't even seem unhappy to be home, she seems to like the slower pace, but who knows.

In true DCUM fashion, there are some responses here that are sort of not so helpful (understatement) - "what did you expect?" "I wouldn't have an au pair with a BABY" -- ok ok, you are perfect and never make a bad judgment call. My bad.

For the record on WFH - I have worked at home fulltime for a major corporation for the last 4 years. With my first DD, we had a nanny for the first 11 months, which allowed me to breastfeed her for a year., avoid commuting, see her during the day, etc. I've done the same with my youngest, and I agree with PP who mentions all the good things about staying home. I stay in my office on a separate floor all day except when I need to nurse the baby. Just sharing my experience if anyone is considering this setup - there are a lot of positives.

I WFH too though we've had nannies (hopefully it's ok for me to still post). OP, I think you should consider paying for one activity, like a music class. It is tough for a new caregiver to be alone with a baby all day long, especially in the winter, especially when they don't know anyone. This will give her a little structure and a place to go. I also think you may need to take on the task of setting up playdates for her or finding a weekly playgroup, perhaps with other au pairs. Or set up a regular playgroup in your own home once a week. Really look around for activities she can attend with the baby, if you haven't done that yet. Babies can be pretty boring and some people enjoy them more than others.

I would try to flip the unhelpful responses around to recognize that your au pair doesn't have a lot of childcare experience--which is ok! But the question is how you can best support her as she gains that experience.

How is that even OK when someone has an 8 month old? To leave a baby with with someone without much childcare experience? Insane lengths people will go to for the sake of thrift!

Do you want to know something CRAZY? When I had a baby I had ZERO childcare experience. And they let me take a newborn home from the hospital!!! Can you believe it????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the productive responses. We do need to work on getting her out of the house on a regular basis, or setting up playdates (which I've told her she can/should feel free to do). I've encouraged her to go out every day between naps - she is from a warm weather climate and think she prefers to stay indoors during the winter... but she has to get used to it and I realize it's my job to make her get out. I will not, however, let her drive with my kids until I'm comfortable. I won't sacrifice their safety/wellbeing for her happiness... p.s. she doesn't even seem unhappy to be home, she seems to like the slower pace, but who knows.

In true DCUM fashion, there are some responses here that are sort of not so helpful (understatement) - "what did you expect?" "I wouldn't have an au pair with a BABY" -- ok ok, you are perfect and never make a bad judgment call. My bad.

For the record on WFH - I have worked at home fulltime for a major corporation for the last 4 years. With my first DD, we had a nanny for the first 11 months, which allowed me to breastfeed her for a year., avoid commuting, see her during the day, etc. I've done the same with my youngest, and I agree with PP who mentions all the good things about staying home. I stay in my office on a separate floor all day except when I need to nurse the baby. Just sharing my experience if anyone is considering this setup - there are a lot of positives.

I WFH too though we've had nannies (hopefully it's ok for me to still post). OP, I think you should consider paying for one activity, like a music class. It is tough for a new caregiver to be alone with a baby all day long, especially in the winter, especially when they don't know anyone. This will give her a little structure and a place to go. I also think you may need to take on the task of setting up playdates for her or finding a weekly playgroup, perhaps with other au pairs. Or set up a regular playgroup in your own home once a week. Really look around for activities she can attend with the baby, if you haven't done that yet. Babies can be pretty boring and some people enjoy them more than others.

I would try to flip the unhelpful responses around to recognize that your au pair doesn't have a lot of childcare experience--which is ok! But the question is how you can best support her as she gains that experience.

How is that even OK when someone has an 8 month old? To leave a baby with with someone without much childcare experience? Insane lengths people will go to for the sake of thrift!

Do you want to know something CRAZY? When I had a baby I had ZERO childcare experience. And they let me take a newborn home from the hospital!!! Can you believe it????

If you cant see the difference between a mother and a babysitter, you are pretty dense.

And, for the record, mothers kill their children more than any other demographic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the productive responses. We do need to work on getting her out of the house on a regular basis, or setting up playdates (which I've told her she can/should feel free to do). I've encouraged her to go out every day between naps - she is from a warm weather climate and think she prefers to stay indoors during the winter... but she has to get used to it and I realize it's my job to make her get out. I will not, however, let her drive with my kids until I'm comfortable. I won't sacrifice their safety/wellbeing for her happiness... p.s. she doesn't even seem unhappy to be home, she seems to like the slower pace, but who knows.

In true DCUM fashion, there are some responses here that are sort of not so helpful (understatement) - "what did you expect?" "I wouldn't have an au pair with a BABY" -- ok ok, you are perfect and never make a bad judgment call. My bad.

For the record on WFH - I have worked at home fulltime for a major corporation for the last 4 years. With my first DD, we had a nanny for the first 11 months, which allowed me to breastfeed her for a year., avoid commuting, see her during the day, etc. I've done the same with my youngest, and I agree with PP who mentions all the good things about staying home. I stay in my office on a separate floor all day except when I need to nurse the baby. Just sharing my experience if anyone is considering this setup - there are a lot of positives.

I WFH too though we've had nannies (hopefully it's ok for me to still post). OP, I think you should consider paying for one activity, like a music class. It is tough for a new caregiver to be alone with a baby all day long, especially in the winter, especially when they don't know anyone. This will give her a little structure and a place to go. I also think you may need to take on the task of setting up playdates for her or finding a weekly playgroup, perhaps with other au pairs. Or set up a regular playgroup in your own home once a week. Really look around for activities she can attend with the baby, if you haven't done that yet. Babies can be pretty boring and some people enjoy them more than others.

I would try to flip the unhelpful responses around to recognize that your au pair doesn't have a lot of childcare experience--which is ok! But the question is how you can best support her as she gains that experience.

How is that even OK when someone has an 8 month old? To leave a baby with with someone without much childcare experience? Insane lengths people will go to for the sake of thrift!

Do you want to know something CRAZY? When I had a baby I had ZERO childcare experience. And they let me take a newborn home from the hospital!!! Can you believe it????

If you cant see the difference between a mother and a babysitter, you are pretty dense.

And, for the record, mothers kill their children more than any other demographic.

Nope, Fathers kill their children more: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2017/07/07/health/filicide-parents-killing-kids-stats-trnd/index.html

[Anonymous]

Thank goddess there was never a father in my family of 2!

I picked up my baby from overseas when was she was 7 months old and they let me take her home even though I had no experience with babies. Can you imagine??

How lucky was I that i brought an au pair into my home who was a 21-yar old preschool teacher and who practically raised her 2 little nieces. Boredom with babies? It was her dream to be with babies and kids all day long. You folks are picking the wrong and immature au pairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the productive responses. We do need to work on getting her out of the house on a regular basis, or setting up playdates (which I've told her she can/should feel free to do). I've encouraged her to go out every day between naps - she is from a warm weather climate and think she prefers to stay indoors during the winter... but she has to get used to it and I realize it's my job to make her get out. I will not, however, let her drive with my kids until I'm comfortable. I won't sacrifice their safety/wellbeing for her happiness... p.s. she doesn't even seem unhappy to be home, she seems to like the slower pace, but who knows.

In true DCUM fashion, there are some responses here that are sort of not so helpful (understatement) - "what did you expect?" "I wouldn't have an au pair with a BABY" -- ok ok, you are perfect and never make a bad judgment call. My bad.

For the record on WFH - I have worked at home fulltime for a major corporation for the last 4 years. With my first DD, we had a nanny for the first 11 months, which allowed me to breastfeed her for a year., avoid commuting, see her during the day, etc. I've done the same with my youngest, and I agree with PP who mentions all the good things about staying home. I stay in my office on a separate floor all day except when I need to nurse the baby. Just sharing my experience if anyone is considering this setup - there are a lot of positives.

I WFH too though we've had nannies (hopefully it's ok for me to still post). OP, I think you should consider paying for one activity, like a music class. It is tough for a new caregiver to be alone with a baby all day long, especially in the winter, especially when they don't know anyone. This will give her a little structure and a place to go. I also think you may need to take on the task of setting up playdates for her or finding a weekly playgroup, perhaps with other au pairs. Or set up a regular playgroup in your own home once a week. Really look around for activities she can attend with the baby, if you haven't done that yet. Babies can be pretty boring and some people enjoy them more than others.

I would try to flip the unhelpful responses around to recognize that your au pair doesn't have a lot of childcare experience--which is ok! But the question is how you can best support her as she gains that experience.

How is that even OK when someone has an 8 month old? To leave a baby with with someone without much childcare experience? Insane lengths people will go to for the sake of thrift!

Do you want to know something CRAZY? When I had a baby I had ZERO childcare experience. And they let me take a newborn home from the hospital!!! Can you believe it????

If you cant see the difference between a mother and a babysitter, you are pretty dense.

And, for the record, mothers kill their children more than any other demographic.

I think you missed the point. Most people don't have a lot of childcare experience when they bring home an infant and they figure it out. Sure, parents HAVE to figure it out but with an au pair it's all about attitude and willingness to learn. Our first AP VASTLY overstated her infant experience (although she was IQ). She had never changed a diaper and I had two in diapers. She didn't know how to hold a baby naturally. I was ready to rematch on Day 1 but my LCC urged me to spend a week with her and show her what to do...she's the one who made the point that she's a 21 year old and could easily have a baby of her own and would have to figure this out if she did. She ended up being one of our best Au Pairs. She was sweet and a good person and really wanted to be here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the productive responses. We do need to work on getting her out of the house on a regular basis, or setting up playdates (which I've told her she can/should feel free to do). I've encouraged her to go out every day between naps - she is from a warm weather climate and think she prefers to stay indoors during the winter... but she has to get used to it and I realize it's my job to make her get out. I will not, however, let her drive with my kids until I'm comfortable. I won't sacrifice their safety/wellbeing for her happiness... p.s. she doesn't even seem unhappy to be home, she seems to like the slower pace, but who knows.

In true DCUM fashion, there are some responses here that are sort of not so helpful (understatement) - "what did you expect?" "I wouldn't have an au pair with a BABY" -- ok ok, you are perfect and never make a bad judgment call. My bad.

For the record on WFH - I have worked at home fulltime for a major corporation for the last 4 years. With my first DD, we had a nanny for the first 11 months, which allowed me to breastfeed her for a year., avoid commuting, see her during the day, etc. I've done the same with my youngest, and I agree with PP who mentions all the good things about staying home. I stay in my office on a separate floor all day except when I need to nurse the baby. Just sharing my experience if anyone is considering this setup - there are a lot of positives.

I WFH too though we've had nannies (hopefully it's ok for me to still post). OP, I think you should consider paying for one activity, like a music class. It is tough for a new caregiver to be alone with a baby all day long, especially in the winter, especially when they don't know anyone. This will give her a little structure and a place to go. I also think you may need to take on the task of setting up playdates for her or finding a weekly playgroup, perhaps with other au pairs. Or set up a regular playgroup in your own home once a week. Really look around for activities she can attend with the baby, if you haven't done that yet. Babies can be pretty boring and some people enjoy them more than others.

I would try to flip the unhelpful responses around to recognize that your au pair doesn't have a lot of childcare experience--which is ok! But the question is how you can best support her as she gains that experience.

How is that even OK when someone has an 8 month old? To leave a baby with with someone without much childcare experience? Insane lengths people will go to for the sake of thrift!

Do you want to know something CRAZY? When I had a baby I had ZERO childcare experience. And they let me take a newborn home from the hospital!!! Can you believe it????

This is a ridiculous argument. Your child is for life. You have a bond, you'll do anything for that kid. You get frustrated, you don't give up. An AP is there for a year and many of them aren't here primarily for child care. There's no way even the best AP puts in the same kind of attention to a kid that a parent does. Who knows what the worst APs do.
I'm not saying that APs can't be competent caregivers for a baby, but it's insane to say they're equal to a parent.

[Anonymous]

How is the general trajectory of your year going right now? Are things slowly getting better over time? Do you feel like life with your AP is better now than it was a month ago? There is usually a settling in period for everyone and things will run pretty smoothly by 4-5 months in, just give it time.

I agree with the other posters, that printing out a detaiiled schedule for each day with written instructions is good. It lays out exactly what you want AP to do during the day/week. This way you can do this once, and with minor updates you won't have to do it again.

Another thought is that you should make it clear than when you are home working and AP is on the clock, that AP is in charge. Unless something is really wrong, just stay out of it and let AP take care of things. There is no need to be looking over her shoulder all the time. My kids are older, but when I work from home I make it clear to them that if they have problems or issues they should discuss it with AP instead of running to me every time.

You also have to let certain things just go, or you will drive yourself crazy. If AP always leaves her coffee cup on the table instead of putting it in the sink or dishwasher you have to decide whether you bring it up every time or you just let it go for your own sanity. You might have to assess yourself and determine if the AP program is right for you. Some people just are built for having another person live in their house and take care of their kids.