19 yr old au pair’s boyfriend visiting for a week. Sleeping arrangements?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back again! She just gave us his firm travel dates, and now the plan is for her boyfriend to stay at our house for about 9 days total. He will be in the US for two weeks and they plan to travel together “only three or four days” because it’s too expensive to travel. I did not sign on for hosting a guest for more than a week. Even a week felt like a lot but I was trying to be flexible!!!

Whoa! One of the two of them is playing someone. Either he is playing her and putting her in a tough position, or she thinks you are a easy touch. This would poison my relationship with the AP for sure. I think you tell her "no more than x days in our house, and the rest is your vacation days."

That’s what I did earlier today. A maximum of one week in our home and the rest of the time needs to be elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Nope. There is no “inform” allowed. She needed to ask about dates and tell you the exact dates. Having 9 days be a surprise is not acceptable. Tell them hostels are not that expensive and start looking now. It also sounds like she “informed” you before your chat about how he is NOT your guest but hers. You need to have it immediately and maybe even hint that rematch means no visit at all.

[Anonymous]

Sigh. OP back again. Au pair is now asking for additional vacation time (beyond her already spoken for 2 weeks) to travel with boyfriend so that she can stick with our limitation of him staying at our house for a week.

And she told us her best friend’s parents bought her friend a plane ticket for Christmas, so she’d like her friend to come stay with us for a different week.

Which agency has the rule about no inciting houseguests to staynwith host family? BRILLIANT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. OP back again. Au pair is now asking for additional vacation time (beyond her already spoken for 2 weeks) to travel with boyfriend so that she can stick with our limitation of him staying at our house for a week.

And she told us her best friend’s parents bought her friend a plane ticket for Christmas, so she’d like her friend to come stay with us for a different week.

Which agency has the rule about no inciting houseguests to staynwith host family? BRILLIANT.

NO NO NO NO. Please don't be a door mat. She might be of the "it can't hurt to ask" camp, but you need to start saying NO and setting up firm boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Time to find a new AP. This one seems to be all about how much she can push the boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to find a new AP. This one seems to be all about how much she can push the boundaries.

OP here. I really think she's just YOUNG and is not thinking too far beyond herself (as is pretty normal for her age, though I'd like to see a bit more maturity). She's not pitching a fit about anything - I'm just getting really tired of getting set up to disappoint her. She's very nice, but I think it's just sheltered youth coming through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your house, your rules. Our handbook states that we don't allow romantic sleepovers of any kind. Our handbook also states that we only allow a few weekends of guests during her year -- meaning mom and dad can pay a visit for a weekend, best friend can come for a weekend, brother too. But that's about it. Longer than a weekend and it's off to the hotel. That may sound cruel but we don't want to be an airbnb for their year here.

How many months do you have to go? Our APs tended to have friends come to travel with them in their final month. This may involve a few days having the friend/sister at our home before or after departure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. OP back again. Au pair is now asking for additional vacation time (beyond her already spoken for 2 weeks) to travel with boyfriend so that she can stick with our limitation of him staying at our house for a week.

And she told us her best friend’s parents bought her friend a plane ticket for Christmas, so she’d like her friend to come stay with us for a different week.

Which agency has the rule about no inciting houseguests to staynwith host family? BRILLIANT.

I would agree if you can it but she/friend pay for her food and AP needs to work her normal hours that week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. OP back again. Au pair is now asking for additional vacation time (beyond her already spoken for 2 weeks) to travel with boyfriend so that she can stick with our limitation of him staying at our house for a week.

And she told us her best friend’s parents bought her friend a plane ticket for Christmas, so she’d like her friend to come stay with us for a different week.

Which agency has the rule about no inciting houseguests to staynwith host family? BRILLIANT.

Hi OP, I am the one who posted about my agency no inciting houseguests, It is EurAupair, but keep in mind that mosts APs will still try to ask you to host their family anyway regardless of the rule, you got to be able to say No to them when needed.
With that say, Did you AP already took her two weeks vacations? if not she still has one week she could take with her boyfriend, if yes she did some bad planning and that is on her.
Next, regarding her friend, I think you should tell her it is ok to come but at the end of her stay, she cannot dictated her friend schedule on you, if they already selected the date without asking you, too bad they will need to get an hotel. This protect you in case you go into rematch because the way I see things going she might not last long. You really just need to learn to say No otherwise she going to keep trying other random BS.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to find a new AP. This one seems to be all about how much she can push the boundaries.

OP here. I really think she's just YOUNG and is not thinking too far beyond herself (as is pretty normal for her age, though I'd like to see a bit more maturity). She's not pitching a fit about anything - I'm just getting really tired of getting set up to disappoint her. She's very nice, but I think it's just sheltered youth coming through.

Do you have a decent LCC? They need to sit down with her and explain every request imposes on her host family. She chose her two weeks vacation and that is it. Host families are not required to give extra days, federal holidays, etc.

I'd sit down with her afterwards and reinforce that the answer to any request starting with "can a friend come visit me" and ending with "and stay in this house" is a blanket no. Unless you want to allow weekends only (defined specifically as Friday and Saturday night, must ask at least three weeks in advance, and host family must be in residence) or if you're planning a trip without AP as a consolation prize to have a friend stay with her in your home.

[Anonymous]

Your house-your rules. If it doesn’t suit them- they can think of alternative acoomodation.

[Anonymous]

You are generous to let him stay with you. If they can’t respect it - hotel. With a baby or very young kids it could be different, but I wouldn’t let him stay with her with kids your kids ages.