Change Pocketing/Personal Expenses -How to handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did ask multiple people at au pair company before entering program re: norm and was told that people with infants routinely "max out" and that people who know this ahead of matching and accept this are usually fine with it because they want to work with babies. They also get paid more for being infant qualified/extraordinaire. We also let her take her all over the place shopping malls, etc., lunch dates with other au pairs. because we know it's grind to stay home with a baby.

??? IQ au pairs don’t make more. Only Extraordinares.

[Anonymous]

So it is in fact not the norm to max out or there would be a norm—namely squeezing every minute out of APs. Instead you’re on the far end of the curve.

Every family is different, and every AP has different responsibilities, hours, etc. What is your deal with “norm” or “far end of the curve”? Do you believe in a dominant culture that is the “norm”? I’m guessing you are of white privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did ask multiple people at au pair company before entering program re: norm and was told that people with infants routinely "max out" and that people who know this ahead of matching and accept this are usually fine with it because they want to work with babies. They also get paid more for being infant qualified/extraordinaire. We also let her take her all over the place shopping malls, etc., lunch dates with other au pairs. because we know it's grind to stay home with a baby.

??? IQ au pairs don’t make more. Only Extraordinares.

We pay more for an infant qualified person - thought most people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:go into rematch. i find her attitude to be insulting. we try to screen really heavily during the matching/interview phase on how AP handles perk comparisons with other APs I had one AP last year who was "woe is me" because she had to watch my one child (who was in pre-school for half a day and also napped after cominghome)! apparently her AP friends told her that when there's more than one child, they can play together so you can relax more. this kind of attidue just doesn't bode well.

and if they don't want to work up to 45 hours, then don't come!

This. We specifically tell APs that we expect a commitment from them for the whole year and not griping about how their friend’s host family has a bigger house than we do. I feel it helps weed out these “comparison shoppers” to know that we won’t tolerate that kind of attitude.

[Anonymous]

My AP complains that she only works 20 hours a week so she is bored which makes her homesick. Sometimes this program feels like a no win situation.

[Anonymous]

I had 3 APs and all worked 45 hours a week. I had no idea others didn't. I'm a single-mom-teacher and i needed every minute of that 45 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So it is in fact not the norm to max out or there would be a norm—namely squeezing every minute out of APs. Instead you’re on the far end of the curve.

Every family is different, and every AP has different responsibilities, hours, etc. What is your deal with “norm” or “far end of the curve”? Do you believe in a dominant culture that is the “norm”? I’m guessing you are of white privilege.

Because I am aware that (by definition) people who squeeze every minute are at an extreme of families I must be white?! Are you a well person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had 3 APs and all worked 45 hours a week. I had no idea others didn't. I'm a single-mom-teacher and i needed every minute of that 45 hours.

Well now you know. It’s very common for APs to work only before and aftercare, far less than 45 hours.

[Anonymous]

I live in Montgomery County and have been hosting for 5 years. Out of my current AP’s 10+ friends, there are only two AP’s who work the max hours (~20%). All of the Other AP’s work a “split” schedule (including my AP) unless it’s a snow day, school’s out, etc.

Of course you can definitely have an AP who is home all day with a baby / toddler, but that is definitely not the norm for this area. We had a nanny until our youngest was in PK FY, and then switched to an AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had 3 APs and all worked 45 hours a week. I had no idea others didn't. I'm a single-mom-teacher and i needed every minute of that 45 hours.

It's common enough, especially during summer vacations and with families who have very young children. The program rules would have changed if they could have attracted enough 20 hour/week families to match with all the APs. But these would likely be families with SAHMs and many of those can't afford APs. So the program would have shrunk quite a bit, which was not in the agencies' interest.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP (from MoCo) and forgot to mention that working the max hours has *nothing* to do with her snotty attitude though. I would cut that crap out immediately. Time for a reset discussion with LCC included. If you do not nip this type of behavior (and nonchalant and snippy attitude) ASAP it is bound to get worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had 3 APs and all worked 45 hours a week. I had no idea others didn't. I'm a single-mom-teacher and i needed every minute of that 45 hours.

Well now you know. It’s very common for APs to work only before and aftercare, far less than 45 hours.

Ummmm no, you’re wrong. What’s common in YOUR cohort for YOUR kids age group is not necessarily how it works for everyone. Don’t chide people for using the program the way it’s intended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had 3 APs and all worked 45 hours a week. I had no idea others didn't. I'm a single-mom-teacher and i needed every minute of that 45 hours.

Well now you know. It’s very common for APs to work only before and aftercare, far less than 45 hours.

Ummmm no, you’re wrong. What’s common in YOUR cohort for YOUR kids age group is not necessarily how it works for everyone. Don’t chide people for using the program the way it’s intended.

NP. When we started with the program, we pretty much used close to 45h/week. Our APs did not complain and, given that we are still in touch with them years later, I infer that they truly enjoyed their time with us (they sure seemed happy at the time). They had babies/toddlers, who loved them unconditionally. There was no disciplining, no talking back, no attitude issues that may come with older children. They had pretty much every single weekend free and they almost never had to work at night, simply because we had no hours left. This was something that was communicated clearly during the matching and we had very successful years with our APs. Our current AP works fewer hours, because kids are in school. And it's a different scenario all around. I don't think our first few APs would have been happy with it and vice versa. The bottom line is that is has to be a good match. APs are young and it's easy to single out one aspect of the program. But at the end, it's a packaged deal. If low hours is the number one priority for the OP's AP, then rematch may be the only solution.

OP, I suggest you let go off the change pocketing and concentrate on the bigger issue here: resentment. I would sit down with your AP and calmly explain the package that you are offering. And if your AP is not happy with it, it may be time to part ways. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had 3 APs and all worked 45 hours a week. I had no idea others didn't. I'm a single-mom-teacher and i needed every minute of that 45 hours.

Well now you know. It’s very common for APs to work only before and aftercare, far less than 45 hours.

HFs require APs for different reasons and schedule are widely different. Working 20h split schedule is not for all APs. My AP is very outgoing and I have met a dozen of her APs friends.
She works split schedule, less than 45 hours, however most of her friends work 45h, 8-5pm everyday, no weekend and they love it (they take core of smaller kids). They love being off after 5pm and not worrying about working on weekend and they also love taking care of smaller kids. My AP has a split schedule and works less but she is off around 730-8pm. I think she will actually prefer working 8-5pm to hang out with her friends. But she doesn't complain. Also she has two friends who do mostly drive duties, they like but told me it is hard because the kids are older and don't usually care for the AP. So many APs actually prefer working 8-5pm, other split schedule and other driving duties. What matters is that they are aware of their schedule before matching.

So don't make other HMs feel bad because you need/want your AP to work less hour. If HMs follow the rules (no more than 45h) while treating their APs well, they shouldn't have to apologize for that! All APs can't have the same schedule and same perks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had 3 APs and all worked 45 hours a week. I had no idea others didn't. I'm a single-mom-teacher and i needed every minute of that 45 hours.

Well now you know. It’s very common for APs to work only before and aftercare, far less than 45 hours.

Yes, and it's very common for those without without "before and aftercare" to use all day care and the full 45 hours, and it's very common for those who work nights and weekends to use very different hours from yours. and there are those who work holidays, including Thanksgiving (who was working those Black Friday hours? SO many in retail, medical, first responders, entertainment, etc.). But you would never understand that many people in this country don't conform to your ideas of "norm" and "very common".