Change Pocketing/Personal Expenses -How to handle?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PPs. MAJOR red flag. I would consider re-matching over this. I think it will only get worse as the year progresses.

[Anonymous]

Oof. BAD attitude. Immediate call to LLC and serious reset conversation. She sounds entitled and immature, and unfortunately those don’t tend to be traits au pairs “mature out of” very quickly. Good luck!

Oh, and I would totally stop buying her coffee when you’re out. You can let her know you’ll stop that as you do t want to confuse her regarding what should be personal expenses or how she should expect YOUR cash to be used. SCOWL.

[Anonymous]

An extra $30 is a nice bonus to a $200 weekly stipend. One she should be GIVEN not take for herself. This was stealing.

You NEED to involve your LCC as evidence for your likely eventual rematch. A morally bankrupt and entitled girl like this will pull some other crap during the year which you might not shrug off so easily.

[Anonymous]

Our ap was going to buy herself a warmer winter coat last week and I gave her $30 (all the cash I had) to supplement her own money. That is an acceptable use of my money. Helping herself to change from buying supplies for me is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oof. BAD attitude. Immediate call to LLC and serious reset conversation. She sounds entitled and immature, and unfortunately those don’t tend to be traits au pairs “mature out of” very quickly. Good luck!

Oh, and I would totally stop buying her coffee when you’re out. You can let her know you’ll stop that as you do t want to confuse her regarding what should be personal expenses or how she should expect YOUR cash to be used. SCOWL.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof. BAD attitude. Immediate call to LLC and serious reset conversation. She sounds entitled and immature, and unfortunately those don’t tend to be traits au pairs “mature out of” very quickly. Good luck!

Oh, and I would totally stop buying her coffee when you’re out. You can let her know you’ll stop that as you do t want to confuse her regarding what should be personal expenses or how she should expect YOUR cash to be used. SCOWL.

+100

This is that tension between family member and au pair. For a niece babysitter you would totally buy coffee if you are having one. Apparently you are creating a monster, tho.

[Anonymous]

Op, you’re AP doesn’t have respect for you and clearly doesn’t appreciate what you’re giving her. I wouldn’t put up with that sassy crap in my house. As your children get older, you don’t want them to witness or imitate that, either.

[Anonymous]

every single suggestion in this thread is going to lead to a tough year after you are so confrontational.

We had an AP who was bad with money so we started using a paypal type app and instead of giving her cash to spend (which seemed to disappear and anyway I didn’t want to track receipts) she would report each expense as it came up.

She was overall pretty honest and a wonderful AP.

Also she’s telling the truth. Maxing out hours is crappy.

[Anonymous]

Maxing out hours is crappy?! AP signed up for a program that requires 45 hrs of work per week. If she happens to work less, she should view it as a bonus, not an entitlement.
Maybe this AP is unhappy and would rather be a driver in a family with older kids, but blaming the HF for her complaints is misguided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maxing out hours is crappy?! AP signed up for a program that requires 45 hrs of work per week. If she happens to work less, she should view it as a bonus, not an entitlement.
Maybe this AP is unhappy and would rather be a driver in a family with older kids, but blaming the HF for her complaints is misguided.

It doesn’t “require” 45 it protects APs from ever working *more than* 45, and AP is right that it is not the norm to max out. If you don’t believe me ask your LCC.

[Anonymous]

AP could be scheduled to work up to 45 hours every week, nothing wrong with that. LCC agrees and there is no “norm” with hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her response was that other HFs cover bath and body products and she had a coffee which I buy her all of the time when we are out shopping (true), so she didn't think it was a big deal. And then she said she works 45 hours a week and all of her friends work like 20 hours, if that. Again, this is probably our fault for not explicitly stating what we won't pay for in the handbook, we just put the stuff that we would pay for.

Your asking her to work to the terms of her contract does not give her the right to steal from you. Her response is really troubling. I would not put up with her granting herself extras based on what she perceives as her misfortune to be hosted by your family (which sounds generous as to personal gas, etc).

[Anonymous]

Did ask multiple people at au pair company before entering program re: norm and was told that people with infants routinely "max out" and that people who know this ahead of matching and accept this are usually fine with it because they want to work with babies. They also get paid more for being infant qualified/extraordinaire. We also let her take her all over the place shopping malls, etc., lunch dates with other au pairs. because we know it's grind to stay home with a baby.

[Anonymous]

go into rematch. i find her attitude to be insulting. we try to screen really heavily during the matching/interview phase on how AP handles perk comparisons with other APs I had one AP last year who was "woe is me" because she had to watch my one child (who was in pre-school for half a day and also napped after cominghome)! apparently her AP friends told her that when there's more than one child, they can play together so you can relax more. this kind of attidue just doesn't bode well.

and if they don't want to work up to 45 hours, then don't come!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AP could be scheduled to work up to 45 hours every week, nothing wrong with that. LCC agrees and there is no “norm” with hosting.

So it is in fact not the norm to max out or there would be a norm—namely squeezing every minute out of APs. Instead you’re on the far end of the curve.