Toddler got out of house and into street - fire nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No nanny in her right mind is going to tell you a child escaped. Lots of dramatic nannies and mbs here. Sit down and have a very serious talk with your child's nanny. Whos to say the next nanny will be any better. Accidents do happen all the time.

Nanny here and if you are a nanny, you aren’t a good one. If an accident happens on my watch I absolutely tell the parents, along with some ideas of what we can do to prevent. I do not lie to my employers, and little issues or big ones. Trust is imperitive!

Um no! I absolutely tell the parents about everything that requires a bandaid or is more severe, including having a child escape!

[Anonymous]

I'm a little confused by the conversation when you got home. She told you you needed a gate. You didn't ask why? Or continue the conversation? It seems like she tried to open the door, and then backed down?

I used to be a nanny many years ago, and had basically the opposite. The parents I was nannying for went to France for two weeks. Another young woman and I were switching off taking care of the kids. I came one day, about the time that the youngest was usually napping. So, I didn't think anything when I only saw 2 out of the 3 kids. The other nanny and I spent a few minutes downloading the information about the day, and then before she left I said "and the little one's upstairs?" and she said "No, she's playing in the next room." I said "she wasn't when I came in." and we both started looking. I went to the back door, which was open, so I went outside and the gate to the alley was open too. At that point I was panicking, and running up and down the street. I came back into the house to call 911 (this was in college, pre cell phone) and the other nanny was just coming downstairs. Apparently the kid had fallen asleep on her sister's bed, and rolled off so she was caught between the bed and the wall. She didn't wake up so she didn't cry.

We did tell the parents, but not until they came home. To be honest, if we hadn't known that the older siblings saw us searching, I don't know what we'd have done, but in our case the kid was never in danger. She was safe in the house the whole time.

I'm honestly not sure what I'd do in the situation you describe.

[Anonymous]

Unacceptable and I cannot believe anyone would be able to reconcile this one. OP, I was not a nanny, but I did stay home with DS for two years. When my child was that young, I was aware of what the dangers were in my house, what my son was capable of, and how long he could be left alone. I remember at that age, I did not leave him alone unless he was contained. If I had to use the restroom, he'd go in the pack and play. If I was doing laundry, he would come with me. Maybe I'd take a gamble, like if we were upstairs and someone rang the doorbell, I MIGHT run down the stairs to check the door while keeping an ear out and then run back up the stairs. I am not a perfect parent and have had close calls with my child, but I can honestly say I cannot think of a single situation where he could have escaped the house. It's just one of those things - with a child that young and that mobile, I want someone who has that level of situational awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies so far. The nanny is only watching this one toddler, who is 1.5 years old. When she responded to my husband's text last night, she just said "yes, the toddler got out the backdoor, I was looking for her in the house and calling her name." No details about what she was doing while the toddler escaped (maybe bathroom? DD's laundry?), how long she was missing, the fact that she made it to the road and a stranger brought her home, etc.

I agree with PPs that the biggest issue is not telling us. When we arrived home, she did tell us out of nowhere that our daughter is fast and that we need to get a gate on the front driveway. But she didn't tell us why she was saying that. She has had honesty issues in the past, but it was just white lies about things that don't matter, things to try to build herself up. We really like her aside from this and don't think we could find a better nanny in terms of engaging with our DD. So we're leaning towards keeping her but wondering if that would be totally crazy at this point?

As further background, we had a nanny before her who we let go for being a bad fit (cell phone use, not engaging with DD). That is making it more difficult for us to consider firing this nanny. But of course I don't want to put my daughter in danger or work with a nanny who will conceal things. Would love more opinions on whether it would be crazy to not fire her for this. Thanks.

Did you ask her why she was telling you DD was fast/you need a gate? If yes, and she didn’t say, then she lied directly. If no, she sort of tried to tell you and you ignored it. The former is a bigger deal even than just not telling you, the latter makes me wonder why on earth you didn’t ask her and think there is more going on here in terms of your dynamic with her.

[Anonymous]

If trust is broken you will have to make a change.

If trust is not broken and you can move fw from this, no change.

Our neighbors kid had a bad accident in the playground, complete w teeth knocked out. They lost trust in their nanny and her judgment and her abilities.

[Anonymous]

No way I would keep a nanny on after she let my kid escape from the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No nanny in her right mind is going to tell you a child escaped. Lots of dramatic nannies and mbs here. Sit down and have a very serious talk with your child's nanny. Whos to say the next nanny will be any better. Accidents do happen all the time.

You're insane. My 2 year old fell out of her high chair because our nanny took the tray off to wash it, but she wasn't strapped in. Nanny called me at work and took her in to the the doctor to get her checked out. Honesty and trustworthiness are absolutely essential in a nanny/parent relationship. Kid was fine, but I think my nanny almost had a heart attack when it happened.

OP, I would 100% fire a nanny who lied to me about my child escaping into the street. I could never trust her after that.

[Anonymous]

Accidents happen-its how you handle it later on that is telling. the fact she didnt tell you until you brought it up is the reason i would let her go.

[Anonymous]

Yeah no sorry if I lost a kid I wouldn't tell my boss either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If trust is broken you will have to make a change.

If trust is not broken and you can move fw from this, no change.

Our neighbors kid had a bad accident in the playground, complete w teeth knocked out. They lost trust in their nanny and her judgment and her abilities.

Nanny had no business picking the kid up and putting them on apparatus too big for the child. I’ve seen accidents due that so often, though thankfully not as severe. Adults need to back off and let kids play at their current capability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah no sorry if I lost a kid I wouldn't tell my boss either.

I called a former DB when two kids who were biking weren’t back 5 minutes after return time (6 and 8). He said give them 10 minutes, leave the younger kids (asleep) with 10 year old (awake, with cell phone) and call police if I couldn’t find them within 30 minutes. I can’t imagine not notifying a parent that an 8 year old was missing, let alone a toddler!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah no sorry if I lost a kid I wouldn't tell my boss either.

I called a former DB when two kids who were biking weren’t back 5 minutes after return time (6 and 8). He said give them 10 minutes, leave the younger kids (asleep) with 10 year old (awake, with cell phone) and call police if I couldn’t find them within 30 minutes. I can’t imagine not notifying a parent that an 8 year old was missing, let alone a toddler!

Yes, but in this case, it sounds like the babysitter didn't know the child was missing until moments before the child was found. If I found out that a child in my charge was missing and had potentially gone out towards a street, going there would be the first thing I'd do. Stopping to call the parents would have given the kid time to be run over.

So, this isn't a situation where the nanny made a decision about calling parents while the kid was missing. I'm not justifying the nanny's decision, but it's entirely different from not telling someone while their kid was missing.

[Anonymous]

Update OP?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, some of these responses are insane.

Yes! It’s a fireable offense. I’m a nanny and usually go out of my way to side with other nannies. But the child could have been killed, this goes beyond simple mistake. Know where your charge is at all times.

Not only did the child escape, but it must have been for long enough for the child to get into the road. Also, she lied. She didn’t tell you at the end of the day and lying is forable in my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Once you lose trust in a nanny, you really can't get it back.