How to avoid a “my way or the highway” nanny

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the issues, op? Red shirt vs blue shirt or more like nanny says, "we pick up our toys"? HUGE difference.

The issues were everything it seemed like.

She had one way of doing things and wanted her opinions not only voiced but followed.

Day 1 she came in and told us to throw away our Dreft. We used it with our oldest, no issues. She said anything that fragranced is bad and recommended several other brand that were expensive.

She was super controlling over how we did sleep training. Adamant about not doing any form of CIO “too early” but had this insane routine we had to keep consistent with every night. It just didn’t work. It’s easy to make suggestions when you are not the one losing sleep! We have a 2-year-old and did the same things with her and it worked out. She’s a good sleeper! We didn’t want to make changes to how we did things, because what we do works.

Told us 2-year-old needed to be PT immediately. Told us how to do it. Basically wanted us to take up our whole weekend with this extreme method. Toddler wasn’t ready.

When our baby was ready for solids she was militant about what she should and shouldn’t eat. “No cereal! Flavor the food! Homemade! No, don’t give her that!”

It got old, and despite her being a great nanny I was getting very tired of her unwanted corrections.

Eh... the nanny was right, OP. Sorry. Dreft is awful and your 2 yr old should be potty trained. I don't know how old your baby is but CIO is abusive, IMO, before object permanence at around 8 months. I am not a fan of cereal either and homemade is easy and more nutritious - herbs and spices are good for a developing palate.

However I don't doubt that it was unpleasant for you and it sounds like she had no clue how to suggest better ways to you and why.

I happen to agree with your nanny (except for CIO) but YOU are the parents and therefore have the final say. You might need someone who can give you input without sounding bossy or demanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many nannies have you already had? Something tells me there isn't much stability with you.

+1 And I mean this with all kindness and understanding -- I think you might do better and be happier with daycare. I am an MB, btw.

Either daycare or several PT sitters. The less time they have with your child, the less concern there would be about when you decide it's convenient to potty train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple schools of thought on these things you mention and a nanny who is a good fit for you will accommodate them instead of ordering you around like a drill sergeant. I have a lovely nanny with 10+ years experience who is autonomous enough to make good decisions in our absence, has a lot of helpful suggestions (of which we take probably 80%), but defers to us or asks us on things that are parenting preferences. in exchange we give her free rein as long as our general philosophy and major safety/health related preferences are followed . You can definitely find such a nanny who will be a valued partner!

A nanny should understand that just as she would not like being micromanaged, parents don't want an "expert" to criticize and nitpick every parenting decision they make. That is what mothers in law are for and they are FREE.

I agree 100% with all of the above -- and I actually think the nanny in question here was right in everything that she told you (dictated to you).

Our pediatrician recommends CIO after 6 mos of age, as well as iron fortified cereal for breastfed babies. But what does she know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple schools of thought on these things you mention and a nanny who is a good fit for you will accommodate them instead of ordering you around like a drill sergeant. I have a lovely nanny with 10+ years experience who is autonomous enough to make good decisions in our absence, has a lot of helpful suggestions (of which we take probably 80%), but defers to us or asks us on things that are parenting preferences. in exchange we give her free rein as long as our general philosophy and major safety/health related preferences are followed . You can definitely find such a nanny who will be a valued partner!

A nanny should understand that just as she would not like being micromanaged, parents don't want an "expert" to criticize and nitpick every parenting decision they make. That is what mothers in law are for and they are FREE.

I agree 100% with all of the above -- and I actually think the nanny in question here was right in everything that she told you (dictated to you).

Our pediatrician recommends CIO after 6 mos of age, as well as iron fortified cereal for breastfed babies. But what does she know?

Most nannies know that pediatricians know a lot less than the godlike omniscience that parents give them credit for. I have seen all kinds of misdiagnoses, or misleading advice based on peds who are trying to steer parents towards the ped’s own preference, or peds who give counsel that is outdated or uninformed. But yes, your doctor said it so definitely follow it blindly. I am sure every pediatrician out there is an expert in every area of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple schools of thought on these things you mention and a nanny who is a good fit for you will accommodate them instead of ordering you around like a drill sergeant. I have a lovely nanny with 10+ years experience who is autonomous enough to make good decisions in our absence, has a lot of helpful suggestions (of which we take probably 80%), but defers to us or asks us on things that are parenting preferences. in exchange we give her free rein as long as our general philosophy and major safety/health related preferences are followed . You can definitely find such a nanny who will be a valued partner!

A nanny should understand that just as she would not like being micromanaged, parents don't want an "expert" to criticize and nitpick every parenting decision they make. That is what mothers in law are for and they are FREE.

I agree 100% with all of the above -- and I actually think the nanny in question here was right in everything that she told you (dictated to you).

Our pediatrician recommends CIO after 6 mos of age, as well as iron fortified cereal for breastfed babies. But what does she know?

Most nannies know that pediatricians know a lot less than the godlike omniscience that parents give them credit for. I have seen all kinds of misdiagnoses, or misleading advice based on peds who are trying to steer parents towards the ped’s own preference, or peds who give counsel that is outdated or uninformed. But yes, your doctor said it so definitely follow it blindly. I am sure every pediatrician out there is an expert in every area of parenting.

Agree. Before any smart parent asks a pediatrician for parenting advice, they should ask how much actual experience do they have with child care. Physicians have spent their years in medical training learning how to make sick children better, not so much how to keep healthy children healthy.

[Anonymous]

Nannies will get nowhere with the argument that they know better than parents, or pediatricians (!).

That kind of approach doesn't work in any workplace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nannies will get nowhere with the argument that they know better than parents, or pediatricians (!).

That kind of approach doesn't work in any workplace.

I'll never forget one of my infantcare jobs when the parents were candid enough to tell me that they had no clue about anything because neither one of them had ever even held a baby before. One Friday evening as I was about to leave for my weekend off, I handed off the baby to the father. (The mother was out-of-town.) He looked at me like a deer in headlights, and said: "What do I do???"

So you, my friend, may speak for yourself, but certainly not for all parents who value expert guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies will get nowhere with the argument that they know better than parents, or pediatricians (!).

That kind of approach doesn't work in any workplace.

I'll never forget one of my infantcare jobs when the parents were candid enough to tell me that they had no clue about anything because neither one of them had ever even held a baby before. One Friday evening as I was about to leave for my weekend off, I handed off the baby to the father. (The mother was out-of-town.) He looked at me like a deer in headlights, and said: "What do I do???"

So you, my friend, may speak for yourself, but certainly not for all parents who value expert guidance.

OP has a 2-year-old. She's not a rookie parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple schools of thought on these things you mention and a nanny who is a good fit for you will accommodate them instead of ordering you around like a drill sergeant. I have a lovely nanny with 10+ years experience who is autonomous enough to make good decisions in our absence, has a lot of helpful suggestions (of which we take probably 80%), but defers to us or asks us on things that are parenting preferences. in exchange we give her free rein as long as our general philosophy and major safety/health related preferences are followed . You can definitely find such a nanny who will be a valued partner!

A nanny should understand that just as she would not like being micromanaged, parents don't want an "expert" to criticize and nitpick every parenting decision they make. That is what mothers in law are for and they are FREE.

I agree 100% with all of the above -- and I actually think the nanny in question here was right in everything that she told you (dictated to you).

Our pediatrician recommends CIO after 6 mos of age, as well as iron fortified cereal for breastfed babies. But what does she know?

Our pediatrician advised against CIO until well over 8 months and said iron fortified cereal was only for exclusively breast fed babies. But what does he know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nannies will get nowhere with the argument that they know better than parents, or pediatricians (!).

That kind of approach doesn't work in any workplace.

Nannies may well know better but it doesn't matter. That is why this nanny quit. That is exactly what happens in any workplace - you don't agree so you leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies will get nowhere with the argument that they know better than parents, or pediatricians (!).

That kind of approach doesn't work in any workplace.

Nannies may well know better but it doesn't matter. That is why this nanny quit. That is exactly what happens in any workplace - you don't agree so you leave.

And the kid gets another nanny! Selfish parents are disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple schools of thought on these things you mention and a nanny who is a good fit for you will accommodate them instead of ordering you around like a drill sergeant. I have a lovely nanny with 10+ years experience who is autonomous enough to make good decisions in our absence, has a lot of helpful suggestions (of which we take probably 80%), but defers to us or asks us on things that are parenting preferences. in exchange we give her free rein as long as our general philosophy and major safety/health related preferences are followed . You can definitely find such a nanny who will be a valued partner!

A nanny should understand that just as she would not like being micromanaged, parents don't want an "expert" to criticize and nitpick every parenting decision they make. That is what mothers in law are for and they are FREE.

I agree 100% with all of the above -- and I actually think the nanny in question here was right in everything that she told you (dictated to you).

Our pediatrician recommends CIO after 6 mos of age, as well as iron fortified cereal for breastfed babies. But what does she know?

Most nannies know that pediatricians know a lot less than the godlike omniscience that parents give them credit for. I have seen all kinds of misdiagnoses, or misleading advice based on peds who are trying to steer parents towards the ped’s own preference, or peds who give counsel that is outdated or uninformed. But yes, your doctor said it so definitely follow it blindly. I am sure every pediatrician out there is an expert in every area of parenting.

LOL. So if my nanny and doctor disagree, I should listen to the nanny with no questions asked? You people are unreal. Get over yourselves.

Fantastic illustration of the Dunning-Kruger effect here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple schools of thought on these things you mention and a nanny who is a good fit for you will accommodate them instead of ordering you around like a drill sergeant. I have a lovely nanny with 10+ years experience who is autonomous enough to make good decisions in our absence, has a lot of helpful suggestions (of which we take probably 80%), but defers to us or asks us on things that are parenting preferences. in exchange we give her free rein as long as our general philosophy and major safety/health related preferences are followed . You can definitely find such a nanny who will be a valued partner!

A nanny should understand that just as she would not like being micromanaged, parents don't want an "expert" to criticize and nitpick every parenting decision they make. That is what mothers in law are for and they are FREE.

I agree 100% with all of the above -- and I actually think the nanny in question here was right in everything that she told you (dictated to you).

Our pediatrician recommends CIO after 6 mos of age, as well as iron fortified cereal for breastfed babies. But what does she know?

Most nannies know that pediatricians know a lot less than the godlike omniscience that parents give them credit for. I have seen all kinds of misdiagnoses, or misleading advice based on peds who are trying to steer parents towards the ped’s own preference, or peds who give counsel that is outdated or uninformed. But yes, your doctor said it so definitely follow it blindly. I am sure every pediatrician out there is an expert in every area of parenting.

LOL. So if my nanny and doctor disagree, I should listen to the nanny with no questions asked? You people are unreal. Get over yourselves.

Fantastic illustration of the Dunning-Kruger effect here.

Check your reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nannies will get nowhere with the argument that they know better than parents, or pediatricians (!).

That kind of approach doesn't work in any workplace.

I'll never forget one of my infantcare jobs when the parents were candid enough to tell me that they had no clue about anything because neither one of them had ever even held a baby before. One Friday evening as I was about to leave for my weekend off, I handed off the baby to the father. (The mother was out-of-town.) He looked at me like a deer in headlights, and said: "What do I do???"

So you, my friend, may speak for yourself, but certainly not for all parents who value expert guidance.

OP has a 2-year-old. She's not a rookie parent.

Some 12 year olds have dumb parents. What's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are multiple schools of thought on these things you mention and a nanny who is a good fit for you will accommodate them instead of ordering you around like a drill sergeant. I have a lovely nanny with 10+ years experience who is autonomous enough to make good decisions in our absence, has a lot of helpful suggestions (of which we take probably 80%), but defers to us or asks us on things that are parenting preferences. in exchange we give her free rein as long as our general philosophy and major safety/health related preferences are followed . You can definitely find such a nanny who will be a valued partner!

A nanny should understand that just as she would not like being micromanaged, parents don't want an "expert" to criticize and nitpick every parenting decision they make. That is what mothers in law are for and they are FREE.

I agree 100% with all of the above -- and I actually think the nanny in question here was right in everything that she told you (dictated to you).

Our pediatrician recommends CIO after 6 mos of age, as well as iron fortified cereal for breastfed babies. But what does she know?

Most nannies know that pediatricians know a lot less than the godlike omniscience that parents give them credit for. I have seen all kinds of misdiagnoses, or misleading advice based on peds who are trying to steer parents towards the ped’s own preference, or peds who give counsel that is outdated or uninformed. But yes, your doctor said it so definitely follow it blindly. I am sure every pediatrician out there is an expert in every area of parenting.

LOL. So if my nanny and doctor disagree, I should listen to the nanny with no questions asked? You people are unreal. Get over yourselves.

Fantastic illustration of the Dunning-Kruger effect here.

Where did anyone say you should listen to the nanny (or anyone else) no questions asked. If your experienced, educated nanny says A and the pediatrician says B, you ask both for more information and to cite their sources and you check other reputable sources as well. Mayo clinic is a good online source as well as healthychildren.org (run by the AAP). But what do I know? I’ve only been working with children professionally and hands-on for a decade.