Other toddler in share is a bit of a bully

[Anonymous]

The target (and harmed) person of an aggressor is called a victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41 is nuts if she thinks bully behavior is normal.

Pick up a child development book, it's age appropriate behavior.

Is it acceptable? Absolutely not, but it's not abnormal.

How many bites do you think are "age appropriate"?
Or is that irrelevant in your book?

Interesting that when I participated in an international study group regarding such childhood development questions, only the Americans said biting was considered normal. The Europeans were appalled. They had not witnessed normal toddlers biting each other.

How many bites are acceptable?

[Anonymous]

I should rephrase. How many bites should be tolerated until the aggressor is removed?

[Anonymous]

I'm the 20:41 poster. (And not the PP of any of the other posts here.)

I'm not saying I think "bullying" is normal. I think that hitting and pushing is completely normal behavior in a toddler and should not be labeled "bullying." While it's not okay and needs to be dealt with, it is not done to harm another child or with any real understanding of the other person's feelings. Toddlers simply want what they want and have a single-track mind, and they lack a fully-developed sense of empathy that would enable them to really understand that hitting another person hurts them and that the person has feelings.

Hitting and pushing need to be dealt with by the adult in charge, but there is no need to pull a kid out of a nanny share because of this if the nanny is handling the situation. It will take some time for the child to learn that this is not acceptable behavior and be able to control themselves enough to stop doing it. Toddler have VERY little impulse control, especially when tired or hungry.

I also believe that biting is very different from hitting and pushing and needs to be dealt with more seriously. The OP did not specifically note that there was biting going on. I think that biting is a less "natural" behavior than flailing one's arms to push someone away when wanting a toy. It needs to be dealt with through close attention to prevent it, as well as quick and serious reprimands if it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41 is nuts if she thinks bully behavior is normal.

Pick up a child development book, it's age appropriate behavior.

Is it acceptable? Absolutely not, but it's not abnormal.

How many bites do you think are "age appropriate"?
Or is that irrelevant in your book?

Interesting that when I participated in an international study group regarding such childhood development questions, only the Americans said biting was considered normal. The Europeans were appalled. They had not witnessed normal toddlers biting each other.

Wanna show me your sources?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41 is nuts if she thinks bully behavior is normal.

Pick up a child development book, it's age appropriate behavior.

Is it acceptable? Absolutely not, but it's not abnormal.

How many bites do you think are "age appropriate"?
Or is that irrelevant in your book?

Interesting that when I participated in an international study group regarding such childhood development questions, only the Americans said biting was considered normal. The Europeans were appalled. They had not witnessed normal toddlers biting each other.

Wanna show me your sources?

Find some European people and ask them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 18-month old DD is in a nanny share with another 19-month old girl who is a bit tough. She pulls my DD's hair, hits her, etc. She's otherwise a sweet kid and obviously doesn't know what she's doing for the most part, and the nanny and her parents are good about disciplining, but I worry a little bit about my DD, who is quieter and just takes it (though crying), for the most part. I keep telling myself that if she had a sibling, this could happen as well, but should I be more worried about the long-term effects as they spend every day together?

Did the bully behavior stop or did you split?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

This is the best advice. I think so often that we don't want to be 'helicopters' that we do a disservice to our kids. DS is 2 and is in a daycare. One of the kids is just plain aggressive. Constantly kicking kids, knocking them down, biting teacher. Daycare has video in room that we can watch from work. The first bumps I just rolled with, kids are kids. But my guy was coming home 2x per week with injuries. I finally spoke up and the teachers were thrilled. Other parents had been murmuring about the same aggressive kid. Long story long- the family was asked to leave daycare.
You are the expert in your kid. And not all kids can handle group settings at this age. Your kid doesn't need to learn how to make excuses for violent behavior. At any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

This is the best advice. I think so often that we don't want to be 'helicopters' that we do a disservice to our kids. DS is 2 and is in a daycare. One of the kids is just plain aggressive. Constantly kicking kids, knocking them down, biting teacher. Daycare has video in room that we can watch from work. The first bumps I just rolled with, kids are kids. But my guy was coming home 2x per week with injuries. I finally spoke up and the teachers were thrilled. Other parents had been murmuring about the same aggressive kid. Long story long- the family was asked to leave daycare.
You are the expert in your kid. And not all kids can handle group settings at this age. Your kid doesn't need to learn how to make excuses for violent behavior. At any age.

Kudos to you for being a good parent and for doing the sometimes unpleasant work of parenting.