Other toddler in share is a bit of a bully

[Anonymous]

This is totally normal toddler behavior. Have you talked with the nanny about it? What does she say? How does she handle it?

How do you know it's going on? Do you see it, or has the nanny told you about it? Have you talked with the other parents?

It's likely that your kid is dishing out at least a little of it from time to time, too. Normal kids this age just do this. As long as the nanny is watching closely in situations where this might occur (like when they are both showing an interest in the same toy, tired, etc.) and taking steps to make sure it stops immediately, then it's fine.

I don't think that a time out is necessarily called for at this age. It really depends on how it's happening. If the kid is intentionally hitting yours and thinks it's funny, then a more serious conversation may be needed, but if she just wants a toy and isn't noticing the other kid grabbing for it, then this is really different and just needs some reminding. Both are developmentally normal for toddlers.

The only thing I would really be concerned about is that the nanny is showing your child plenty of attention and love and letting her know this isn't her fault when it happens -- and focusing on stopping it and being clear with the other child. Beyond that, don't freak out about it. I don't think this is a case of a child being a bully and another being constantly "victimized."

[Anonymous]

20:41 is nuts if she thinks bully behavior is normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:41 is nuts if she thinks bully behavior is normal.

Pick up a child development book, it's age appropriate behavior.

Is it acceptable? Absolutely not, but it's not abnormal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41 is nuts if she thinks bully behavior is normal.

Pick up a child development book, it's age appropriate behavior.

Is it acceptable? Absolutely not, but it's not abnormal.

How many bites do you think are "age appropriate"?
Or is that irrelevant in your book?

Interesting that when I participated in an international study group regarding such childhood development questions, only the Americans said biting was considered normal. The Europeans were appalled. They had not witnessed normal toddlers biting each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, the other kid is not a bully. She's a toddler. Stop using that language, and stop thinking about it in those terms.

You don't say how common this behavior is, but it's not going to damage your child to have her hair pulled a few times, if the parents and nanny are making appropriate efforts to discipline the other child. Maybe just ask the nanny to build some time in the day where the kids aren't playing so near each other.

If your kid was on the receiving end of hair pulling, then you might feel differently. This is how bullying starts.

Actually, my kid was on the receiving end of biting. Of course, I didn't want her to get bitten, but I wasn't stupid enough to think that the other kid, who was a little younger, was a bully, or even a bully in the making. I understood that biting, hitting, and pushing are not unusual behaviors in toddlers. Since the biter's caregivers were on top of things and providing appropriate discipline, the biting stopped and the kid is now one my child's best friends. If you truly think a child under two is a bully, you know nothing about child development.

So, I repeat--if the nanny and the kid's parents are consistently and appropriately disciplining the kid, you can expect this behavior to pass. If they aren't, then I would be concerned. But it sounds like they are. In that case, I would just continue to watch to ensure that progress is being made. Your kid will be fine--indeed, she will be able to see that when someone hits her, they are disciplined, and that she is not left to fend for herself.

Yeah, sometimes people want to cross their fingers like you. How about if your kid needs stitches, compliments of that poor innocent biter/hitter? You're either a whimp, or the protective parent of a bully child. Which is it?

Where do you even come up with this stuff? You are seriously unhinged, PP, and I doubt are connected to children in any way. Just go away.

NP here and you're sounding like the more aggressive on in this exchange. Take a breathe. One can simultaneously (1) understand that most kids hit or bite some one at some point and (2) expect something to be done about it. It's okay.

Actually, I'm the parent of the kid who was bitten, but I didn't post the "unhinged" comment. There are multiple posters in this thread.

And my kid has never bitten or hit another kid. I just don't think that a toddler who bites is a monster in the making. Kids with limited verbal skills and poor impulse control (i.e., toddlers) sometimes engage in aggressive behavior out of frustration, and it's the job of parents and other caregivers to teach them appropriate behavior. It doesn't do any good to get hysterical about "bullying" and "victimization." What's needed is to properly discipline the other child so that they learn not to hit/push/pull hair. For typical kids, this really doesn't take very long, if you are firm and consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20:41 is nuts if she thinks bully behavior is normal.

Pick up a child development book, it's age appropriate behavior.

Is it acceptable? Absolutely not, but it's not abnormal.

How many bites do you think are "age appropriate"?
Or is that irrelevant in your book?

Interesting that when I participated in an international study group regarding such childhood development questions, only the Americans said biting was considered normal. The Europeans were appalled. They had not witnessed normal toddlers biting each other.

Well, the American Psychological Association and the National Association for the Education of Young Children disagree with you.

http://families.naeyc.org/learning-and-development/child-development/understanding-and-responding-children-who-bite
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/02/biting.aspx

By the way, "normal" does not mean "good" or "acceptable" or "positive." It means that it is not unusual for young toddlers to do this. It means that many children need to be taught not to do it.

[Anonymous]

How many bites should be tolerated? No limit, huh? Political correctness at the expense of a defenseless child. And the parent of the victimized child should believe her child is safe in that environment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

What kind of person allows a little child to be repeatedly bitten by the same aggressor every time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

What kind of person allows a little child to be repeatedly bitten by the same aggressor every time?

You obviously haven't been around multiple children of the same age very often. It's not like the biting happens on a schedule, and short of standing over the kids every single second, there will be times when a bite can't be stopped from happening.

Really children who are bitten are now "victims"? Life is going to be harsh for you and your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

What kind of person allows a little child to be repeatedly bitten by the same aggressor every time?

You obviously haven't been around multiple children of the same age very often. It's not like the biting happens on a schedule, and short of standing over the kids every single second, there will be times when a bite can't be stopped from happening.

Really children who are bitten are now "victims"? Life is going to be harsh for you and your kids.

Sounds like your kid likes to bite, but not on a schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

What kind of person allows a little child to be repeatedly bitten by the same aggressor every time?

You obviously haven't been around multiple children of the same age very often. It's not like the biting happens on a schedule, and short of standing over the kids every single second, there will be times when a bite can't be stopped from happening.

Really children who are bitten are now "victims"? Life is going to be harsh for you and your kids.

Sounds like your kid likes to bite, but not on a schedule.

I don't have a kid, nice try though. I've taken care of hundreds in my life though. You?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

What kind of person allows a little child to be repeatedly bitten by the same aggressor every time?

You obviously haven't been around multiple children of the same age very often. It's not like the biting happens on a schedule, and short of standing over the kids every single second, there will be times when a bite can't be stopped from happening.

Really children who are bitten are now "victims"? Life is going to be harsh for you and your kids.

Sounds like your kid likes to bite, but not on a schedule.

I don't have a kid, nice try though. I've taken care of hundreds in my life though. You?

Hundreds as well, both in and out of the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

What kind of person allows a little child to be repeatedly bitten by the same aggressor every time?

You obviously haven't been around multiple children of the same age very often. It's not like the biting happens on a schedule, and short of standing over the kids every single second, there will be times when a bite can't be stopped from happening.

Really children who are bitten are now "victims"? Life is going to be harsh for you and your kids.

Sounds like your kid likes to bite, but not on a schedule.

I don't have a kid, nice try though. I've taken care of hundreds in my life though. You?

Hundreds as well, both in and out of the classroom.

Then you should know better than to use the word victim when speaking about a 19 month old who was bitten by their playmate. Or do you really live in that sheltered of a bubble?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would simply not allow a child to be repeatedly victimized. Period. Excuses don't change that.

What kind of person allows a little child to be repeatedly bitten by the same aggressor every time?

You obviously haven't been around multiple children of the same age very often. It's not like the biting happens on a schedule, and short of standing over the kids every single second, there will be times when a bite can't be stopped from happening.

Really children who are bitten are now "victims"? Life is going to be harsh for you and your kids.

Sounds like your kid likes to bite, but not on a schedule.

I don't have a kid, nice try though. I've taken care of hundreds in my life though. You?

Hundreds as well, both in and out of the classroom.

Then you should know better than to use the word victim when speaking about a 19 month old who was bitten by their playmate. Or do you really live in that sheltered of a bubble?

What would you like to call that child?