Just learned from a friend that our nanny's mother died - two months ago!

[Anonymous]

You do have a wonderful and very professional nanny, OP. I would go the condolence card route with, of course, a loving message of sympathy written from you and DH.

[Anonymous]

Wow. She sounds like a true gem OP. Your family is truly blessed to have such a wonderful nanny in your possession.

She sounds like the utmost professional and keeps her personal and professional lives separate. Some people prefer this set up and it sounds like your nanny is one of them.

Since this happened a few months ago, I wouldn't bring it up now.

Just do not mention it. What you can mention is what a lovely nanny you do have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I'd be astonished at this (and quite honestly, I'm jealous! I wish our nanny had half the discretion of yours!)

I can't see how it could possibly be wrong to express your condolences. Obviously she didn't want to discuss it with you, so you can fully respect that and not pry, while still saying "I just heard that your mom died in October and wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss."

Then leave it at that unless she indicates in some way that she'd talk further. I wouldn't ask her why she didn't tell you.

+ 1. And I am jealous as well - our nanny can't shut up about her personal life. But I would definitely give condolences but ask no questions.

You described her as "elegant" and perhaps she was too emotional to mention it to you without breaking down. I would respect that.

Add me to this list of jealous MBs.

Glad there are so many uncaring MBs here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I'd be astonished at this (and quite honestly, I'm jealous! I wish our nanny had half the discretion of yours!)

I can't see how it could possibly be wrong to express your condolences. Obviously she didn't want to discuss it with you, so you can fully respect that and not pry, while still saying "I just heard that your mom died in October and wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss."

Then leave it at that unless she indicates in some way that she'd talk further. I wouldn't ask her why she didn't tell you.

+ 1. And I am jealous as well - our nanny can't shut up about her personal life. But I would definitely give condolences but ask no questions.

You described her as "elegant" and perhaps she was too emotional to mention it to you without breaking down. I would respect that.

Add me to this list of jealous MBs.

Glad there are so many uncaring MBs here!

Not "uncaring" just tired of the endless cheap drama from young nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus some of you are terrible! "I'm jeolous that your nanny is so awesome she didn't burden you by displaying her sadness at the death of her mother or making you pretend you give a shit!" Disgusting. There is being professional and there is being a robot. Your nanny being evidently sad or not in the best of moods 100% of the time is not a fault, you evil bitches.

Agreed--anyone who says they are jealous and wished their nanny wouldn't be comfortable mentioning that her mother died clearly wants the help to stay in their place and to not have to relate to them as a fellow human being. Gross.

[Anonymous]

You MB, would you mention to your bosses that your parent died? Why or why not? Examine your response with how you feel a nanny in your employ should share her loss with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus some of you are terrible! "I'm jeolous that your nanny is so awesome she didn't burden you by displaying her sadness at the death of her mother or making you pretend you give a shit!" Disgusting. There is being professional and there is being a robot. Your nanny being evidently sad or not in the best of moods 100% of the time is not a fault, you evil bitches.

Agreed--anyone who says they are jealous and wished their nanny wouldn't be comfortable mentioning that her mother died clearly wants the help to stay in their place and to not have to relate to them as a fellow human being. Gross.

No, some of us are simply tired of hearing young nannies go on and on and on about your boyfriends and mothers. Enough. I am your boss and not your friend and this is your place of employment. You could learn a great deal from this very classy and professional nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You MB, would you mention to your bosses that your parent died? Why or why not? Examine your response with how you feel a nanny in your employ should share her loss with you.

I never mentioned to the partners in my firm that my father had died. I never mentioned to them that I had a father or mother or husband or children or a large dog.