Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For some reason many of the MB/DBs here forget that nannies don't have colleagues. We have days where, in a 10 hour span, you are literally the only adult we will interact with. For some, it is really hard not to want to share (or over-share as the case may be) at the end of our day.

Most of you go to your offices and have people who ask how your day is/cold is feeling/gripe about the broken whatever in the office to you...you know, normal, adult conversation. And yes, I am sure there is also an office busy body who is in everyone's business and over-sharing theirs. This does not make anyone involved bad at their job or significantly less professional, just a bit more annoying when it is in excess.

Nannies are human beings too, with ranges of personalities and needs for interaction. I fail to see why telling your employer/only colleague/parent of the children that you spend the entire day caring for that you have a headache or your that child has a cold is unacceptable and leads to being deemed "unprofessional".
If you don't want to interact personally with another adult, do not invite one into your home 5 days a week.

I completely agree, and I'm the MB who said I wish my nanny had better boundaries.

I'm not talking about needing/wanting some adult contact. I'm talking about not telling me graphic details of your GI distress last night versus the night before, and your prolapsed uterus (and insistence on not doing what you've been medically advised to do). I'm talking about letting me walk in the door and say hello to my children before you drown me in complaints about your landlord's dog's housebreaking problems, and your unfavorable opinion of the new girlfriend of the widowed father whose kids you nannied previously.

Our nanny is extraordinary with kids. Extraordinary, experienced, endlessly patient, loving, safe, reliable, and on and on... But she's not so good in the adult world. And despite the conversations we regularly have to touch base, or reestablish some boundaries, she routinely slips back. It's a price I'm willing to pay for the excellent care my kids get and the peace of mind I have when I'm not home, but better boundaries would be lovely.

You are one smart Mom, and I applaud you for that. None of us does everything perfectly right, and your priorities are exactly where they should be, getting (and keeping!) the best possible substitute childcare, during your absence. Kudos to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

100% Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

100% Agree

Some of us refuse your babywise rules. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nanny has healthy boundaries such as speaking up when she doesn't quite understand the context of something I am saying or asking of her. She also knows when to take charge and when to take a step back.

Where is she from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

You are a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?

She doesn't spend time checking out dcum 10x a day. And she certainly doesn't dig up old, old posts and try to revive them. Much better things to be doing,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?

Anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

You are a doormat.

+2

[Anonymous]

This is the oddest post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

You are a doormat.

+2

?? Sounds like a professional, not a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

You are a doormat.

+2

?? Sounds like a professional, not a doormat.

"I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything"

Any mb that thinks this is an ok relationship to have with a person that takes care of YOUR CHILDREN is out of their mind and a real b!tch. Who uses terms like "the help" in 2016? And then wrapping up this note with "but I'm there if you need me. For anything." Excuse me? Yes this sounds like a grade A doormat or concubine. A professional nanny comes to work on time, is on the same page as the parents with discipline, gives details when necessary, and keeps personal conversation, both ways, friendly and short. But most of all puts the needs of the child first and keeps them safe and entertained throughout the day. I've not seen much mentioned about the actual kids in this above post only tons of brown nosing and butt kissing for an entitled mb.

There are tons of mbs that think it's ok to use the nanny as a built in sounding board when they come home from work to complain about their bosses and co workers or their husbands etc. yet once the nanny tries to converse back the conversation gets shut down immediately. The nanny probably didn't want to share in the first place but felt uncomfortable because the mb is going on and on.

And no nanny should feel less than when it comes to the family she is working for or like they should be there for "anything" other than the job they were hired for. It's ok to help out here and there especially if it's a family that doesn't job creep of take advantage but that doesn't make them any more professional than the nannies that do what they are hired to do. Being there for "anything" and taking cues on when to be dismissed like a lady in waiting to the queen of England is ridiculous and a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

Mothers who love their children stay home with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

Mothers who love their children stay home with them.

Please, no one "stays home" unless you're in a body cast or can't fit through the door. Think about it.

As a professional nanny, I've helped a good number of parents who profoundly love their children. Otherwise they would not have agreed to pay my high wages. Just speaking from my own experiences. Not every parent needs to express their love in the same way, as long as their children know they are UNconditionly loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

Mothers who love their children stay home with them.

Another conversation entirely but correct! Why have kids only to hand them over every morning to another woman to raise so that you can get to work for the entire day only to return for dinner bath and bed? Mom or dad should be home during the young years of a child's life until they can start school. But society dictates couple pop them out to fit in or that both parents must work to maintain a certain lifestyle. If you can afford a full time nanny or full time private school or daycare, you can afford to stay home and pay yourself the salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

Mothers who love their children stay home with them.

Another conversation entirely but correct! Why have kids only to hand them over every morning to another woman to raise so that you can get to work for the entire day only to return for dinner bath and bed? Mom or dad should be home during the young years of a child's life until they can start school. But society dictates couple pop them out to fit in or that both parents must work to maintain a certain lifestyle. If you can afford a full time nanny or full time private school or daycare, you can afford to stay home and pay yourself the salary.

I will never understand why nannies bite the hand that feeds them by saying things such as the above.
Also, not true. What's the difference between doctor parents with kids, that spend all weekends and nights as a family, but have a nanny, and a family that needs two incomes and sends the kids to daycare?
I had a child and worked. I had to. Almost everyone has to. Does that mean I didn't love her enough? Are you kidding? My daughter and I have an amazing relationship, and she turned out wonderful. She knows her parents adored her.
By your standard, all women except the rich do not love their children. Women who are poor. Women who work. Women who use the help of others to raise their children.
I'm a mother and a nanny. Your labeling of working mothers as unloving is wrong and unkind.