Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

Mothers who love their children stay home with them.

Another conversation entirely but correct! Why have kids only to hand them over every morning to another woman to raise so that you can get to work for the entire day only to return for dinner bath and bed? Mom or dad should be home during the young years of a child's life until they can start school. But society dictates couple pop them out to fit in or that both parents must work to maintain a certain lifestyle. If you can afford a full time nanny or full time private school or daycare, you can afford to stay home and pay yourself the salary.

I will never understand why nannies bite the hand that feeds them by saying things such as the above.
Also, not true. What's the difference between doctor parents with kids, that spend all weekends and nights as a family, but have a nanny, and a family that needs two incomes and sends the kids to daycare?
I had a child and worked. I had to. Almost everyone has to. Does that mean I didn't love her enough? Are you kidding? My daughter and I have an amazing relationship, and she turned out wonderful. She knows her parents adored her.
By your standard, all women except the rich do not love their children. Women who are poor. Women who work. Women who use the help of others to raise their children.
I'm a mother and a nanny. Your labeling of working mothers as unloving is wrong and unkind.

Do you really know ANY parent who doesn't work? I don't.

[Anonymous]

I'll bite. I've encountered both employers who want to keep it strictly professional, to employers who get too personal. I think there the best between professional and personal. A nanny is such a personal job, it's only right to have that. For me, I give my job 100%. I'm prompt, reliable, attentive, active, etc. I treat my charge with the best level of love and care he would receive if mom were at home. I take care of his needs, but I don't mind doing extra small housekeeping or running an errand. Once MB was so sick and contagious. My charge and I swung the store on our way back from a class. I picked her up some Gatorade, coconut water, Popsicle, and soup ( reimbursed). If I'm out ( after work), I will pick up a new bottle brush or dish soap for the next day. I return, my MB always picks up small gifts for me. We have a nice personal relationship but nothing too in-depth. They know a little about my boyfriend and family. They always initiate " What are you doing this weekend, or How your weekend?". We have a nice caring, relationship. I feel like we have a good level of respect.

On the other hand, I had one woman who refused to discuss any weekend plans ( what my charge did). I then worked with one family who was way too personal for my liking. The parents walked around in robes ( nothing underneath), the mom went into detail a number of times about her IBS, mentioned how her son " Loves boobs just like his dad because X can't stay away from them either". I also had one family who talked in-depth about finances, her sister's mental illness, her husbands sex life ( I kid you not!), and how she hated her husband was in school and didn't have a job so she could be a SAHM.

I think everyone has their own idea what constitutes a personal relationship. I prefer to work in a position where I have a healthy balance of both. I want to like my employers, feel comfortable in their home, and vice versa. I want to be respected for the work I do. I'm not a doormat, but I don't mind doing small things to make their life a little easier. I come from a big family, where I was raised like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll bite. I've encountered both employers who want to keep it strictly professional, to employers who get too personal. I think there the best between professional and personal. A nanny is such a personal job, it's only right to have that. For me, I give my job 100%. I'm prompt, reliable, attentive, active, etc. I treat my charge with the best level of love and care he would receive if mom were at home. I take care of his needs, but I don't mind doing extra small housekeeping or running an errand. Once MB was so sick and contagious. My charge and I swung the store on our way back from a class. I picked her up some Gatorade, coconut water, Popsicle, and soup ( reimbursed). If I'm out ( after work), I will pick up a new bottle brush or dish soap for the next day. I return, my MB always picks up small gifts for me. We have a nice personal relationship but nothing too in-depth. They know a little about my boyfriend and family. They always initiate " What are you doing this weekend, or How your weekend?". We have a nice caring, relationship. I feel like we have a good level of respect.

On the other hand, I had one woman who refused to discuss any weekend plans ( what my charge did). I then worked with one family who was way too personal for my liking. The parents walked around in robes ( nothing underneath), the mom went into detail a number of times about her IBS, mentioned how her son " Loves boobs just like his dad because X can't stay away from them either". I also had one family who talked in-depth about finances, her sister's mental illness, her husbands sex life ( I kid you not!), and how she hated her husband was in school and didn't have a job so she could be a SAHM.

I think everyone has their own idea what constitutes a personal relationship. I prefer to work in a position where I have a healthy balance of both. I want to like my employers, feel comfortable in their home, and vice versa. I want to be respected for the work I do. I'm not a doormat, but I don't mind doing small things to make their life a little easier. I come from a big family, where I was raised like that.

I will also say I have glowing references. I've been told how " effortlessly" you make taking of an infant look. How " gracefully" you do your job. I really love my job. I was raised with Mid-West values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

Mothers who love their children stay home with them.

Another conversation entirely but correct! Why have kids only to hand them over every morning to another woman to raise so that you can get to work for the entire day only to return for dinner bath and bed? Mom or dad should be home during the young years of a child's life until they can start school. But society dictates couple pop them out to fit in or that both parents must work to maintain a certain lifestyle. If you can afford a full time nanny or full time private school or daycare, you can afford to stay home and pay yourself the salary.

I will never understand why nannies bite the hand that feeds them by saying things such as the above.
Also, not true. What's the difference between doctor parents with kids, that spend all weekends and nights as a family, but have a nanny, and a family that needs two incomes and sends the kids to daycare?
I had a child and worked. I had to. Almost everyone has to. Does that mean I didn't love her enough? Are you kidding? My daughter and I have an amazing relationship, and she turned out wonderful. She knows her parents adored her.
By your standard, all women except the rich do not love their children. Women who are poor. Women who work. Women who use the help of others to raise their children.
I'm a mother and a nanny. Your labeling of working mothers as unloving is wrong and unkind.

You're taking an unnecessary offense. The post above clearly stated either parent. Mom or dad. This post was not about women. The he focus was on the child and an actual parent being their primary provider during their formative years versus daycare or a nanny. Get off of that uncalled for feminist soapbox.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

Mothers who love their children stay home with them.

Another conversation entirely but correct! Why have kids only to hand them over every morning to another woman to raise so that you can get to work for the entire day only to return for dinner bath and bed? Mom or dad should be home during the young years of a child's life until they can start school. But society dictates couple pop them out to fit in or that both parents must work to maintain a certain lifestyle. If you can afford a full time nanny or full time private school or daycare, you can afford to stay home and pay yourself the salary.

I will never understand why nannies bite the hand that feeds them by saying things such as the above.
Also, not true. What's the difference between doctor parents with kids, that spend all weekends and nights as a family, but have a nanny, and a family that needs two incomes and sends the kids to daycare?
I had a child and worked. I had to. Almost everyone has to. Does that mean I didn't love her enough? Are you kidding? My daughter and I have an amazing relationship, and she turned out wonderful. She knows her parents adored her.
By your standard, all women except the rich do not love their children. Women who are poor. Women who work. Women who use the help of others to raise their children.
I'm a mother and a nanny. Your labeling of working mothers as unloving is wrong and unkind.

You're taking an unnecessary offense. The post above clearly stated either parent. Mom or dad. This post was not about women. The he focus was on the child and an actual parent being their primary provider during their formative years versus daycare or a nanny. Get off of that uncalled for feminist soapbox.

The parent is the primary provider. The nanny is not . What is the difference between a family who can have a parent stay home and those that work? If the child is loved, zero. Get off your working parents are bad parents soapbox. I hope you are not a nanny.

[Anonymous]

The primary care provider is the person who provides the most hours of care during the child's waking hours.

Sometimes it's a parent or other relative. Sometimes it's a person the family hires if they prefer to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?[/quote]

She doesn't F around on DCUM all day and night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.

You are a doormat.

+2

?? Sounds like a professional, not a doormat.

"I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything"

Any mb that thinks this is an ok relationship to have with a person that takes care of YOUR CHILDREN is out of their mind and a real b!tch. Who uses terms like "the help" in 2016? And then wrapping up this note with "but I'm there if you need me. For anything." Excuse me? Yes this sounds like a grade A doormat or concubine. A professional nanny comes to work on time, is on the same page as the parents with discipline, gives details when necessary, and keeps personal conversation, both ways, friendly and short. But most of all puts the needs of the child first and keeps them safe and entertained throughout the day. I've not seen much mentioned about the actual kids in this above post only tons of brown nosing and butt kissing for an entitled mb.

There are tons of mbs that think it's ok to use the nanny as a built in sounding board when they come home from work to complain about their bosses and co workers or their husbands etc. yet once the nanny tries to converse back the conversation gets shut down immediately. The nanny probably didn't want to share in the first place but felt uncomfortable because the mb is going on and on.

And no nanny should feel less than when it comes to the family she is working for or like they should be there for "anything" other than the job they were hired for. It's ok to help out here and there especially if it's a family that doesn't job creep of take advantage but that doesn't make them any more professional than the nannies that do what they are hired to do. Being there for "anything" and taking cues on when to be dismissed like a lady in waiting to the queen of England is ridiculous and a doormat.

This. I will do a lot for my MB but if she ever referred to me as 'The help' or treated me with anything less than respect I would be out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?

Interesting. Do parents want the sitter to take orders from their kid?