I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners

[Anonymous]

Your nanny is doing you a favor. She is correcting bad habits that you son has been taught.

I am from Haiti. I have been a nanny in the DC area for 20 years. These problems with children are more common then in my country. I believe it's just because our life was not so easy. We had too many important things to worry about to be so soft with our kids feelings. I like some of what I have learned about American parenting but some stuff I feel is not healthy for the kids. A lot of parents read things on the internet about how to train their kids. Also, families in the U.S. seem to live farther apart. At home we have tradition. We have many elders from our family in the same house or the next house helping with our kids so they have to show them the respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note that there could be a cultural difference here. My family is Creole, southern to the core. Northerners refer to these habits as part of our 'southern charm.' Every adult has an appropriate greeting because they are our elders. Up north people are more likely to say things like they want their kids to be their friends. We just don't have that mentality. A child is not a friend, they are expected to defer to you as the adult in the room. It seems mean to people who have not been raised up like we have.

Wha?

I'm a northerner (from New England) and actually children calling adults "Miss Lizzie" or "Mr. Dave" seems too INFORMAL to me. Growing up, we were expected to call adults "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Johnson"---NEVER by their first name in any fashion!

My people are Caribbean and we also have different ways of teaching our children. However, you should not point it out to them because they will just assume you are giving an insult even though you are only saying there are differences. Do not mention these things in the future.

Bless your heart, there was no insult in my post but you are just determined to find it in there. I made a point of saying there COULD be a cultural difference and that it was only MORE LIKELY but you still read that there and said to yourself "she must be thinking we are all like this and assume we all think the same way." Dear lady, you can't tell me you don't know that southern people have some different ways? Have you ever been down south?

As for pointing out the fact that there are cultural differences, I was only giving an example. Other differences could be based on age, gender, country of origin, all types of things. Being culturally competent means being aware of that fact and not pretending that its not true or assuming someone is insulting you by noting it.

You don't have to be from the South to know "bless your heart" is an insult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the difference between a nanny and a babysitter is that a nanny takes responsibility for the child's development while the babysitter takes responsibility for today. What your nanny is doing is child raising not just child watching.

Most brilliant DCUM post of the day. Thank you.
OP should count her lucky stars and kiss the nanny's feet.

[Anonymous]

OP is a disfunctional parent.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm an MB and I have taught my children from a young age (less than 2) to say please and thank you but I'm not as strict as it sounds like your nanny is about it. People tell me ALL the time how polite my children are because they always say "please" and "thank you" but when they were 2 I didn't correct them EVERY time they forgot it. If they were really thirsty and forgot to say "please" when they asked for water I let it go.

I'm also a REALLY neat person and hate any mess and I do encourage my children to clean up one toy before taking out another one but I always make it fun, singing songs when we were cleaning up etc and I always said, "let's do it together" rather than just standing there ordering them to do it.

I think it comes down to the way in which your nanny teaches them manners. If she does it kindly and makes it pleasant and fun I don't see a problem. If she is super strict, never smiles, doesn't try to make chores like cleaning up fun, I could see why you wouldn't like it and I would probably move on to another nanny.