I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners

[Anonymous]

School teachers are referred to the same way. Good prep before starting school?

[Anonymous]

I'm a silly, fun nanny and manners are non-negotiable to me.
I operate the same way your nanny does. All of my charges have turned into polite young people (not just because of me).
There is no reason a 2 year-old can't say 'please' and 'thank you' and clean his toys up before moving on. You've found yourself a good nanny. Congratulations.

[Anonymous]

I hope you don take credit for it when someone compliments you on what wonderful manners your son has.
Be sure to point out that you were totally against it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don take credit for it when someone compliments you on what wonderful manners your son has.
Be sure to point out that you were totally against it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny andiI think your nanny and most of the PPs are over the top hard asses. I'm pretty relaxed with pleases and thank yous, but I am strict about picking up throughout the day. Nothing is worse than a giant mess at the end of the day when everyone is tired and ready for the next transition. You're also them stepping on random toys all day long too and that's really annoying. Or you're losing parts to things because they get carried off and dropped someplace else.

It sounds like you and your nanny aren't a good fit. I believe kids should just be kids. They need to be taught the "rules" of life, but don't need to have them relentlessly pounded into them every minute of the day. You can be fun and relaxed without be a drill sergeant and still accomplish the same end goal. To say otherwise shows just how relentless and uncompromising you are.

[Anonymous]

I'm a lot like this as well. With time it will be second nature to your son. It just takes time. I'm sure they do fun things as well like bubbles. She is teaching him respect and manners.

[Anonymous]

You think your child shouldn't address your siblings properly or he shouldn't learn the proper address for adults?...He has to address his teacher as Mr/Mrs/Ms or friends parents the same.
Now I know where THOSE kinds of kids come from.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to teach good manners, yet I think your nanny is a little too strict. At your son's age, most especially.

For her to require your son to always say, "Please" even for his lunch is overkill in my opinion.

I understand her wanting him to learn manners and that is wonderful, but too much is too much.

As for the toys, I think it is also overkill that he has to put one toy away before he takes out another.
I am like you...For a two yr. old, I would let him play w/his toys during the day, then clean them up at the end of the day.

It's your call OP, but I would want a more relaxed + laid back nanny for my son.

[Anonymous]

My 2.5yo charge has been saying/signing "please" since before he was 1 anytime he asks for anything. We also have a rule that one toy comes out and goes away before others come out (within reason of course - if he builds a racetrack with his magnatiles he can get some cars out to run on them or Legos to build tunnels with, but no puzzles or art projects for example). Because these have been messaged clearly and consistently by both me and his parents since he was very young I almost never have to remind him anymore - he starts singing the cleanup song on his own when he's ready to switch activities. It sounds like your nanny needs to be strict right now because you haven't taught these things - rest assured that once he learns, she will be able to relax more. Do them both a favor and hold your son to the same firm expectations; you want a polite and tidy child who takes responsibility for themselves. And yes, my charge has been clearing his own dishes, putting out all the napkins, and picking up dropped chunks of food for the trash since he could walk steadily. Kids LOVE responsibility and being challenged to do more. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Sit down with her and go over how you want manners taught. You are the parents and you set the tone on how you want manners taught. If the nanny doesn't listen, it will be time to find a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

I just want to note that there could be a cultural difference here. My family is Creole, southern to the core. Northerners refer to these habits as part of our 'southern charm.' Every adult has an appropriate greeting because they are our elders. Up north people are more likely to say things like they want their kids to be their friends. We just don't have that mentality. A child is not a friend, they are expected to defer to you as the adult in the room. It seems mean to people who have not been raised up like we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note that there could be a cultural difference here. My family is Creole, southern to the core. Northerners refer to these habits as part of our 'southern charm.' Every adult has an appropriate greeting because they are our elders. Up north people are more likely to say things like they want their kids to be their friends. We just don't have that mentality. A child is not a friend, they are expected to defer to you as the adult in the room. It seems mean to people who have not been raised up like we have.

Not all Northerners believe their children are their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note that there could be a cultural difference here. My family is Creole, southern to the core. Northerners refer to these habits as part of our 'southern charm.' Every adult has an appropriate greeting because they are our elders. Up north people are more likely to say things like they want their kids to be their friends. We just don't have that mentality. A child is not a friend, they are expected to defer to you as the adult in the room. It seems mean to people who have not been raised up like we have.

Wha?

I'm a northerner (from New England) and actually children calling adults "Miss Lizzie" or "Mr. Dave" seems too INFORMAL to me. Growing up, we were expected to call adults "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Johnson"---NEVER by their first name in any fashion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note that there could be a cultural difference here. My family is Creole, southern to the core. Northerners refer to these habits as part of our 'southern charm.' Every adult has an appropriate greeting because they are our elders. Up north people are more likely to say things like they want their kids to be their friends. We just don't have that mentality. A child is not a friend, they are expected to defer to you as the adult in the room. It seems mean to people who have not been raised up like we have.

Wha?

I'm a northerner (from New England) and actually children calling adults "Miss Lizzie" or "Mr. Dave" seems too INFORMAL to me. Growing up, we were expected to call adults "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Johnson"---NEVER by their first name in any fashion!

My people are Caribbean and we also have different ways of teaching our children. However, you should not point it out to them because they will just assume you are giving an insult even though you are only saying there are differences. Do not mention these things in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to note that there could be a cultural difference here. My family is Creole, southern to the core. Northerners refer to these habits as part of our 'southern charm.' Every adult has an appropriate greeting because they are our elders. Up north people are more likely to say things like they want their kids to be their friends. We just don't have that mentality. A child is not a friend, they are expected to defer to you as the adult in the room. It seems mean to people who have not been raised up like we have.

Wha?

I'm a northerner (from New England) and actually children calling adults "Miss Lizzie" or "Mr. Dave" seems too INFORMAL to me. Growing up, we were expected to call adults "Mr. Smith" or "Mrs. Johnson"---NEVER by their first name in any fashion!

My people are Caribbean and we also have different ways of teaching our children. However, you should not point it out to them because they will just assume you are giving an insult even though you are only saying there are differences. Do not mention these things in the future.

Bless your heart, there was no insult in my post but you are just determined to find it in there. I made a point of saying there COULD be a cultural difference and that it was only MORE LIKELY but you still read that there and said to yourself "she must be thinking we are all like this and assume we all think the same way." Dear lady, you can't tell me you don't know that southern people have some different ways? Have you ever been down south?

As for pointing out the fact that there are cultural differences, I was only giving an example. Other differences could be based on age, gender, country of origin, all types of things. Being culturally competent means being aware of that fact and not pretending that its not true or assuming someone is insulting you by noting it.