Therapy session here for bad AP experiences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a valid reason why the public has such a negative perception of these arrangements. Today at Starbucks I chatted up an 18 year old au pair with three little kids. The poor girl was clearly overwhelmed with her responsibilities.

18yrs old AP? Odd. How did she get to Starbucks and what country was she from?

What difference does it make where she is from? An 18-yr old should not be in charge of three children
, ever. As for how she got to Starbucks, again, what difference does it make if she drove, walked, took Metro, she still should not be in charge of three children.

I do not know this AP but I would bet a considerable amount of money that she never expected to be burdened with so many children and that she is overwhelmed and overworked. The host family shouI'd be reported to proper authorities because what they are doing is clearly outside the scope of the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a valid reason why the public has such a negative perception of these arrangements. Today at Starbucks I chatted up an 18 year old au pair with three little kids. The poor girl was clearly overwhelmed with her responsibilities.

I don't know many 18yr old APs. Most seem to be in their early 20s. To each their own, but I am a HM, and we only started in the AP program once the kids were in school full time, and we only consider candidates 21+. I would have been uneasy with a younger AP, especially with infants and toddlers.

We have several 18-19 year old Au Pairs in my town. Some of them are great, some are them good and some of them are terrible. One of the best Au Pairs I've ever met is a South African girl who is turning 20 soon. She's on her second year here, so came over when she was 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a valid reason why the public has such a negative perception of these arrangements. Today at Starbucks I chatted up an 18 year old au pair with three little kids. The poor girl was clearly overwhelmed with her responsibilities.

18yrs old AP? Odd. How did she get to Starbucks and what country was she from?

You take the cake for the most asinine irrelevant questions. How about, isn't 18 generally too young for that kind of workload?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's a valid reason why the public has such a negative perception of these arrangements. Today at Starbucks I chatted up an 18 year old au pair with three little kids. The poor girl was clearly overwhelmed with her responsibilities.[/quote]

18yrs old AP? Odd. How did she get to Starbucks and what country was she from?[/quote]

What difference does it make where she is from? An 18-yr old should not be in charge of three children
, ever. As for how she got to Starbucks, again, what difference does it make if she drove, walked, took Metro, she still should not be in charge of three children.

I do not know this AP but I would bet a considerable amount of money that she never expected to be burdened with so many children and that she is overwhelmed and overworked. The host family shouI'd be reported to proper authorities because what they are doing is clearly outside the scope of the program. [/quote]

You jump to conclusion without even knowing anything about the family and the relationship with AP. If this AP agreed to come to America, I'd hope she know how many kids she would be taking care of. And why should the family be reported? Have you witnessed any illegal behavior? Or is your conclusion that looking tired and overwhelmed is ground for dismissing a family from the program. You are absurd.

[Anonymous]

Every AP knows exactly how many children each prospective host family has. It's one of the first things you see on the profile. How can you take such a strong stance on something you don't even know the most basic details about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a valid reason why the public has such a negative perception of these arrangements. Today at Starbucks I chatted up an 18 year old au pair with three little kids. The poor girl was clearly overwhelmed with her responsibilities.

18yrs old AP? Odd. How did she get to Starbucks and what country was she from?

You take the cake for the most asinine irrelevant questions. How about, isn't 18 generally too young for that kind of workload?

Poster is probably a liar. No 18yr old AP drover to Starbucks unless she was German. Clearly you are caught in a lie and I won't tip you off. No AP headed on foot or via metro to a Starbucks on a school day with kids who were clearly toddlers/infants.

If you don't know why, it is because you are full of shit and know nothing of the AP program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a valid reason why the public has such a negative perception of these arrangements. Today at Starbucks I chatted up an 18 year old au pair with three little kids. The poor girl was clearly overwhelmed with her responsibilities.

18yrs old AP? Odd. How did she get to Starbucks and what country was she from?

What difference does it make where she is from? An 18-yr old should not be in charge of three children
, ever. As for how she got to Starbucks, again, what difference does it make if she drove, walked, took Metro, she still should not be in charge of three children.

I do not know this AP but I would bet a considerable amount of money that she never expected to be burdened with so many children and that she is overwhelmed and overworked. The host family shouI'd be reported to proper authorities because what they are doing is clearly outside the scope of the program.

You are a flaming moron.

Bush League liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay I know I will be flamed, and you'll probably have my post deleted, but truly and honestly, why do you all expect so much from very young women making very little money? They're sold an experience of getting to travel and experience American culture, then brought here to work lots of hours for little pay, given very little time off to actually have fun, not paid enough to even really go anywhere or do anything, and housed with wealthy families who wanted cheap labor. For real, what did you expect?

I really appreciate how kindly you put this, honestly, and I hope that we can put this to rest once and for all. I think you make a number of assumptions here that are false. Although I am positive that there are many host families who overwork their au pairs or who select 18-year-olds with very little experience and then expect them to act like professional nannies, this is not nearly universally true.

Firstly, au pairs are 18-26 and represent a wide range of experience and maturity levels. I completely agree with you, and have said before, that if you select an 18yo who has only occasionally babysat and expect her to be a professional full-time nanny, then you will be sorely disappointed. On the flip side, there are many many au pairs who arrive in the US with extensive experience, including certifications and degrees, and who are well prepared to take on a full-time child care job. If you want success in the program, you select these young women versus the ones you assume au pairs all are.

Secondly, I wholeheartedly disagree with you that they make very little. You are looking at straight money handed to the au pair and you fail to look at the whole compensation that au pairs get. You also, I think, fail to see that this is a voluntary program, for which the compensation is very clearly laid out prior to selecting into the program, and still, thousands and thousands of au pairs come every year. There are so many more au pairs than there are host families willing to take on the time and expense, the clearly they are being compensated adequately enough to keep coming.

When you take a job, you not only consider your pay, but you also consider the other aspects of your "compensation package." With a professional job, this may include commute, benefits, healthcare coverage, flexible schedule, availability of telework, travel opportunities, opportunities for growth, how it looks on your resume, etc. With an au pair job, included in our compensation is not only $800 to $1,000 in cash each month, but also, free rent, utilities, food, health coverage, $500 toward your education, a flight to and from the US, and most frequently, car insurance coverage, a car to use, and a cell phone for an entire year. Also included are intangibles such as experience to add to your resume when you return home, a huge opportunity for personal growth, the opportunity to be immersed in a new language and return with highly marketable English skills, the support of a host family and a community counselor while living in a foreign country, simply the opportunity to live in the US for a year, which would be impossible for most of these young adults without this program. There is so much more to how au pairs are compensated than what you include - which is the cash a host family hands them. You forget all of the other things host families provide to their au pairs, included things that cost the host family a lot of money and also, those that cost the host family a lot of time.

They are not "brought here" - they choose to do the program and while I agree that the agencies don't fully explain that the program is a WORK program, it is very very clear on the websites that au pairs provide full-time child care. Go take a look at the websites if you don't agree with me. I've applied as a host family with four different agencies, and every single one requires that you fill out exactly the schedule you will ask your au pair to work. That is clear to au pairs upon matching. I completely understand that many host families change the schedules once they get here, but to say that au pairs come to the US expecting to have a year of traveling and fun and are somehow surprised that they're expected to work is frankly fairly insulting to the young women that choose to come. Are there au pairs that don't get the full reality of the program? Absolutely. But there's so so much information about being an au pair (not just through the websites, but through tons of blogs and forums and other resources), that if they come expecting not to have to work, then they're not very astute.

There is also a considerable rematch rate - au pairs go into rematch every day and can always request to be removed from the program or to find a new host family at any time. They are not stuck anywhere ever.

Your assumption that they are given very little time off to actually have fun and that they don't make enough to travel or actually have fun anyway is another falsehood. Again, I'm sure there are host families that ask their au pairs to work tons of hours every day of the week, but note that that is illegal and against the rules of the program. For those of us that follow the rules, our au pairs actually have lots of time off and have lots of extra cash. Our extraordinaire never works weekends and has three-day weekends at least once or twice a month. We pay for all of her living expenses, just like all host families do, so she has $1,000 in cash every month to spend purely on fun and travel. That's more than I have to spend on fun every month, to be sure.

And finally, your assumption that they are "housed with wealthy families who want cheap labor" is another falsehood. Yes, I am sure there are wealthy families who don't want to pay for a nanny and so use the au pair program because it is, yes, cheaper than a full-time live-out nanny. But again, comparing an au pair (who lives in your house and eats your food and drives your car and who requires a lot of assistance and training throughout the year) to a live-out nanny, who is paying all her own living expenses and leaves you alone outside of her work schedule) is apples to oranges. Hosting an au pair costs not only a room in our house and having to share our car and food, but also a total of about $25,000 a year. It is by no means cheap. Having my kids in before/after care or hiring a college student to do the 25 hours a week of care I use my au pair for would be cheaper.

I appreciate your kindness, but I ask you to please check your assumptions before you make judgments about host families and this program.

Thank you for actually answering my question! I continue to disagree with you on many points but appreciate your answer. While they all come voluntarily, I don't think they are given the full picture before doing so. Coming from some of the countries they come from (not all but some) the stipend seems like a lot. Its not a lot, not even minimum wage, and certainly not enough to do any real travel. APs aren't given full access to many of the things you list as benefits, and have a lot of restrictions placed on the use of their free time and living quarters. I just think the program is generally dishonest and unfair to them, and mostly benefitting the majority rich white Americans, and the companies running the program (and pocketing most of their wages). It just screams exploitation to me.

My au pair has saved up enough money to take three weeks at the end of her year and travel to Alaska, Hawaii, California and Washington. Not too shabby! I am envious of her vacation!

[Anonymous]

"My au pair has saved up enough money to take three weeks at the end of her year and travel to Alaska, Hawaii, California and Washington. Not too shabby! I am envious of her vacation!"

Mine too. And he has already been to NY three times (and again this coming weekend), Chicago, San Francisco, Miami, Boston, and Portland, ME. He is careful about how he spends his money (socializes in our basement with groups of friends rather than going to nightclubs) and is frugal about his spending choices (shops at TJ Maxx rather than Hollister), and when he goes away, he does couch-surfing so as to save money on accommodations. He is having a blast this year and will do the California, Nevada, Hawaii circuit during his travel month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"My au pair has saved up enough money to take three weeks at the end of her year and travel to Alaska, Hawaii, California and Washington. Not too shabby! I am envious of her vacation!"

Mine too. And he has already been to NY three times (and again this coming weekend), Chicago, San Francisco, Miami, Boston, and Portland, ME. He is careful about how he spends his money (socializes in our basement with groups of friends rather than going to nightclubs) and is frugal about his spending choices (shops at TJ Maxx rather than Hollister), and when he goes away, he does couch-surfing so as to save money on accommodations. He is having a blast this year and will do the California, Nevada, Hawaii circuit during his travel month.

Considering that I pay for EVERYTHING as it relates to my AP, except clothing and that I have given her frequent flyer miles of mine for tickets ours has traveled a lot as well.

My AP has also hosted other APs when they have come to DC (mine has her own suite) in exchange for trades in San Fran and San Diego.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did they do that necessitates therapy?

[Anonymous]

Your Au Pair is NOT taking home 1k a month.
Let's not try to sugar coat this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your Au Pair is NOT taking home 1k a month.
Let's not try to sugar coat this.

At CCAP they are taking home $800/mo.

I believe that Apia has a program where some are paid more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your Au Pair is NOT taking home 1k a month.
Let's not try to sugar coat this.

No, it's $841.73 (assuming you calculate a month with 4.3 weeks at a weekly pay of $195.75) - food, accommodation, insurance all paid. For a job for which you pretty much do not need any qualification besides having done a bit of babysitting by the side. So it's an entry level job which leaves you more than $840 after having paid for all your basic expenses.

I don't know much about salaries in the US but I can tell you that in my western/central European country of origin, with a good job in university administration and a post-graduate university degree... I do not have that kind of money to spend on fun activities. I pay approximately 40% of my income on rent and utilities, an additional 20-25% on food (that would include items such as shampoo or body lotion which an ap might buy themselves though), 5-10% on insurance (car insurance, liability insurance, household insurance... thankfully I am in a country where I get adequate health insurance through my job), 10% on transportation (bus, train, bike, car - including mendatory inspections and a parking spot which I need to rent). So let's say 75% of my income is spent on necessities (or things that I consider a "necessity") every month. To have 780 Euros (approx. $840) left I would need to earn 3,120 Euros after taxes - in that case I'd have to earn about 5,750 Euros ($6,217) before taxes... which is more than my boss earns per month. That is a salary which in the public service sector not only requires a post graduate degree but a PhD and 10 years of work experience.

My cousin works in after-school care - so a similar field to most au pairs and is also of similar age (27)- after five years of training and five years of work experience she earns not even half of that. After taxes she earns approximately 1,300 Euros, she pays 500 Euros on rent alone. My younger cousing (24) works in a nursery - same five years of training but only 1 year of full-time work experience - and brings home even less.
Again, we are not talking about some third world country but the country with the strongest economy in the EU.
As I said, I have to admit that I have no idea about the average salary of a kindergarten teacher or nursery teacher in the US but if they take home $6,200+ before taxes - where can I sign up for the green card lottery?

Don't misunderstand what I am saying. I am all for paying people well and having been an au pair I am all for paying au pairs an adequate stipend!
Pay them $7.25 per hour - $1,402,88 per month for a 45 hour position - for all that I care. But that would surely not include room and board then? They would have to shell out for their own health insurance? Cover the additional fee their host family might have to pay on their car insurance? We could get rid of the ridiculous $500 for classes then, right? Why not make them live-out au pairs instead of live-in and have them cover all their own expenses from their minimum wage au pair job?
Is there really anyone out there who thinks au pairs would have more money in their pockets if they got paid minimum wage and had to pay for everything themselves? Are all the add ons they receive (accommodation, insurance, car, food and drink, instant access to US upper/upper-middle class) really worth less than $561.15 (not even taking into consideration that they'd surely need to pay a higher percentage of taxes then)? Am I the only one who doubts that?

From an ex-19 year old who watched after four children aged 1 to 13 45-hours per week for a year for only $149, had the best year of her life and traveled extensively (from the East coast to the West coast, visiting 26 states).

[Anonymous]

My au pair is absolutely, without a doubt taking in $1000 a month with free room and board, access to a car with gas, a free phone, and frequent extra pocket money. No one should sugar coat the difficulties of au pair life, but their compensation is a point of fact. (The 1k is for an extraordinare.)