Nanny taking pics of kids...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm curious as to what you all think of this. I raised the pictures tonight and asked that she share them with us. I offered to set up and pay for a Dropbox or other similar file sharing setup. She was highly reluctant, saying she didn't know how, etc. I told her we would show her. She then said "I will give you some but these pictures are for me. I want some just for me."

I had to walk away at that point. We are the parents. There are no pictures of our toddler and baby that we should be denied seeing. She has done this kind of thing before - telling me not to say a certain word to my son because it is "her word" with him.

So, what do I do now? I'm absolutely not ok with this and think it signifies a bigger problem. I am planning on telling her in the morning that her keeping pictures from us is unacceptable and non-negotiable. Any thoughts?

Your nanny is in the wrong. The fact that she doesn't want to share the pics with you is a huge red flag. While she owns the copyright to the photos, she should be sharing them with you. And the whole not wanting you to use certain words with your children? Way too creepy. Your nanny has broken boundaries that should not be broken. You may want to consider finding a new nanny.

May want to consider?

Fire her. No questions asked. And likely I would go a step further and get a lawyer to draft a letter of some type informing her you explicitly have not given your permission to use or publish photos of your minor child and requesting all photos be deleted etc. who knows if it holds water but I would try to scare the crap out of her.

You are right. I was trying to be polite about it. The nanny needs to go. I think they need to get her to sign a confidentiality agreement before firing her. If they don't present it until they fire her, she could post all sorts of photos they didn't want her to post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm curious as to what you all think of this. I raised the pictures tonight and asked that she share them with us. I offered to set up and pay for a Dropbox or other similar file sharing setup. She was highly reluctant, saying she didn't know how, etc. I told her we would show her. She then said "I will give you some but these pictures are for me. I want some just for me."

I had to walk away at that point. We are the parents. There are no pictures of our toddler and baby that we should be denied seeing. She has done this kind of thing before - telling me not to say a certain word to my son because it is "her word" with him.

So, what do I do now? I'm absolutely not ok with this and think it signifies a bigger problem. I am planning on telling her in the morning that her keeping pictures from us is unacceptable and non-negotiable. Any thoughts?

Pp with website here again, this absolutely crossing the line and she has no right to refuse to withhold pictures or tell you how to speak or care for your children. She has an unhealthy relationship going on and it probably stems from her subconsciously thinking she's the mother. You need tell her as the another pp stated, you never gave her permission to take photos of your child and will take her to court. She needs to be replaced immediately. While I understand bonding and taking pictures ( I do it all day) I would never refuse to give them to the parents, never mind tell them how to raise their kids. You never answered my question about age and experience because that might be a huge indicator of why she has such boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She's in her 60s. No kids of her own though and I think that might be part of the over-bonding.

Talking with my husband about how to handle tomorrow...

[Anonymous]

Op based on your conversation with her tonight I would start looking for a new nanny immediately. She does not get to restrict you from interacting with your child however you'd like. She does not get to seek medical advice on your child behalf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put the scale away, op. Tell her you don't want her telling anyone but you and your spouse anything about your kid health.

We had our manny sign a confidentiality agreement. Any pics he takes are to be deleted after being forwarded to us, he's not to discuss our kids with anyone but us or the kids instructors, etc.

This is so sad. I absolutely love my charges. I love sharing stories about my days with them, and bragging about newly reached milestones. I don't share photos on social media, but I do show them off to my friends and family.

Like it or not, your children become an important part of your nanny's life. It is not a typical 9-5 office job, and this job requires becoming emotionally invested in the children. If your nanny doesn't wish to share anecdotes about their time with your children than something is wrong.

*I am not condoning sharing private information or the behavior of OP's nanny.

[Anonymous]

Lets just all agree to ignore the "manny" poster. She proves time and time again that she is a crazy bitch of an employer. OPs nanny is off her rocker, but demanding that all pictures be forwarded to you then deleted? Insane. Demanding that your employee never speak of his job, INSANE. I'm really surprised you've managed to keep this guy around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lets just all agree to ignore the "manny" poster. She proves time and time again that she is a crazy bitch of an employer. OPs nanny is off her rocker, but demanding that all pictures be forwarded to you then deleted? Insane. Demanding that your employee never speak of his job, INSANE. I'm really surprised you've managed to keep this guy around.

She deserves to have her say, just as you do. Face it, she gets on YOUR nerves, not everyone's.

[Anonymous]

How did you find this woman, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put the scale away, op. Tell her you don't want her telling anyone but you and your spouse anything about your kid health.

We had our manny sign a confidentiality agreement. Any pics he takes are to be deleted after being forwarded to us, he's not to discuss our kids with anyone but us or the kids instructors, etc.

I signed a non disclosure for my current family. I don't ever post pics anyways of any of the families I work for, so that's never an issue.
I was allowed to tell a few friends and family members who I work for, but other then that I don't. Even my MB/DB doesn't put pictures up on social media of their kids, none of the extended family does either. Close friends know not to as well.
Because my NF is high profile it happens, I always check for the paparazzi when leaving the house. The only way pics get out there.

[Anonymous]

How many hours a week has she been doing, and for how long? Sorry if I missed that.

[Anonymous]

If you can manage it, let her go tomorrow morning, OP. She is feeling much too possessive of your children.

[Anonymous]

Did you find her on Craig's List or care.com?

[Anonymous]

OP, what happened?

[Anonymous]

Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I think it's odd for her to not be sharing the pictures with you, I also find it odd that you expect her not to share anything with her family. I mean if she posting online without permission thanI understand, but if she visits family and they ask to see a photo of the children she spends so much time with, why is that a problem? I assuming she's full time and has been with them awhile, I don't know why you would be upset if she has such a strong bond that she wants to share a little bit of her life with her family. Your children become a big part a nanny's life if you have a good one. I take tons of pictures of my charges, all the good ones are sent to my employers, I share them on my website, nanny fb page and twitter (I have written consent forms signed by my employers). My grandmother often asks to see pictures of the children because I've cared for them since they were babies, if I let her she would probably send them Christmas gifts but I won't cross that boundary.

The children become a part of your life for a short time and many ppl with close family ties enjoy sharing bits of their life with each other.

However, you are the parent and employer, you have every right to have her sign a confidentiality form that prevents her for sharing any information, down to your child's first name. I'd just find it extreme and would worry you have some dangerous personal issues (stalkers, problems with the law) and that's why you don't want information shared in anyway.

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I was agreeing with everything till you mention your website Facebook and twitter. No. That's too much!!