focus more on money than my child...advice, please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, to clear things up - this is what I originally stated: "I asked her how the day went as I was walking her to the door, and she replied along the lines of "Fine. So, are you going to send a check each time or...?"

...The walk from my office to the front door was taking minute or two as she was gathering her things, so more than a one-word response would have very easily been possible. Even 5 words. "Fine" is not a satisfactory. response. She wanted to stay to talk about money, which had already established. No one was asked to work overtime. I am not abusive. And, we'd already agreed that if I am late for some reason, she'd be paid in 15-minute increments to compensate -- so, if even if I am 5 minutes late, she will be paid for .

She is not "poor". She is partially supported by her parents while she establishes herself. I am paying her $2 more an hour than my friend had been, because I felt she was underpaid for the work required.

Right. But did you ask her ahead of time? She might have had plans immediately after work that day.

Exactly. Please stop assuming that nannies have nothing to do after their workday. You don't own her. Please stop it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you guarantee her hours? If so, then her canceling on your to work other hours is completely gaming the system, and she sounds pretty dumb if she flat out told you this. However if you haven't guaranteed her hours, I don't think its wrong for her to occasionally take a (significantly) higher paying gig for the day. I had a crappy boss once, that refused to guarantee my hours, and I made it work for a while but if I was offered a higher paying gig for the day, I would tell her I couldn't make it that day. When you hire a nanny you pay for her services and her availability. If you don't guarantee pay, you open yourself up to competition for her time if she's in demand.

Even if the hours weren't guaranteed the nanny made a commitment to be there on that particular day. It is wrong for her to take a higher paying job when she already made a commitment to the OP for those hours. OP is already paying the nanny more than the nanny's previous employer. This nanny does sound money hungry. That's a concern b/c if she did this once it's conceivable she'll do it again. I wouldn't want to employ someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you guarantee her hours? If so, then her canceling on your to work other hours is completely gaming the system, and she sounds pretty dumb if she flat out told you this. However if you haven't guaranteed her hours, I don't think its wrong for her to occasionally take a (significantly) higher paying gig for the day. I had a crappy boss once, that refused to guarantee my hours, and I made it work for a while but if I was offered a higher paying gig for the day, I would tell her I couldn't make it that day. When you hire a nanny you pay for her services and her availability. If you don't guarantee pay, you open yourself up to competition for her time if she's in demand.

Even if the hours weren't guaranteed the nanny made a commitment to be there on that particular day. It is wrong for her to take a higher paying job when she already made a commitment to the OP for those hours. OP is already paying the nanny more than the nanny's previous employer. This nanny does sound money hungry. That's a concern b/c if she did this once it's conceivable she'll do it again. I wouldn't want to employ someone like that.

How many have you employed, in how many years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you guarantee her hours? If so, then her canceling on your to work other hours is completely gaming the system, and she sounds pretty dumb if she flat out told you this. However if you haven't guaranteed her hours, I don't think its wrong for her to occasionally take a (significantly) higher paying gig for the day. I had a crappy boss once, that refused to guarantee my hours, and I made it work for a while but if I was offered a higher paying gig for the day, I would tell her I couldn't make it that day. When you hire a nanny you pay for her services and her availability. If you don't guarantee pay, you open yourself up to competition for her time if she's in demand.

Even if the hours weren't guaranteed the nanny made a commitment to be there on that particular day. It is wrong for her to take a higher paying job when she already made a commitment to the OP for those hours. OP is already paying the nanny more than the nanny's previous employer. This nanny does sound money hungry. That's a concern b/c if she did this once it's conceivable she'll do it again. I wouldn't want to employ someone like that.

I agree w/ this. OP - it doesn't sound like a comfortable fit to me. If my nanny were behaving this way I would be very uneasy. I expect to pay good wages for good care, that's a baseline, but I also expect (assuming the compensation package is fair) that the caregiver will actually care about my child. I wouldn't hire (or retain) someone who didn't show the kind of personal commitment, love of kids, etc... that I think is required for a nanny.

Yours doesn't sound like care of/feelings for the child are much of a priority and that would be a deal breaker for me, as would an inability to rely on her to show up for work on days when she'd committed to me. So I'd find someone else w/ very little guilt.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I'm all for searching for a better sitter, but within reason. You should first determine how many different primary caregivers are too many. Because at some point, you are most certainly doing more harm to your child, than good. That should be your primary concern. And what can you do differently next time around, as not to repeat the same mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to hear about your child's day, you ask about your child's day BEFORE the nanny's day is done. What entitles you to free services at your whim?

Hello, you get what you pay for. No more.

If you think you're entitled to free services, you can march down to the welfare office, just like everyone else needing free services. What's the matter with you?

Is there even a contract here? If not, what do you expect?

What goes around, comes around.

OP routinely demands nanny to stay late, without nanny's permission.

And without paying OT.

Good for the nanny.

You go, girl!!

Oh shut up. Way to stretch the truth and make assumptions, loser!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm all for searching for a better sitter, but within reason. You should first determine how many different primary caregivers are too many. Because at some point, you are most certainly doing more harm to your child, than good. That should be your primary concern. And what can you do differently next time around, as not to repeat the same mistakes.

That's kind've dramatic. Kids switch care providers all the time in preschool, daycare, etc. The child will forget nanny within days. There are much better care providers out there that will actually make a difference and be worth the money spent on childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do you guarantee her hours? If so, then her canceling on your to work other hours is completely gaming the system, and she sounds pretty dumb if she flat out told you this. However if you haven't guaranteed her hours, I don't think its wrong for her to occasionally take a (significantly) higher paying gig for the day. I had a crappy boss once, that refused to guarantee my hours, and I made it work for a while but if I was offered a higher paying gig for the day, I would tell her I couldn't make it that day. When you hire a nanny you pay for her services and her availability. If you don't guarantee pay, you open yourself up to competition for her time if she's in demand.

Even if the hours weren't guaranteed the nanny made a commitment to be there on that particular day. It is wrong for her to take a higher paying job when she already made a commitment to the OP for those hours. OP is already paying the nanny more than the nanny's previous employer. This nanny does sound money hungry. That's a concern b/c if she did this once it's conceivable she'll do it again. I wouldn't want to employ someone like that.

If you don't guarantee hours, then your arrangement is just that, not guaranteed. She's not guaranteed pay, and you're not guaranteed access to her availability. I'd also question how competitive the pay is that OP is offering, considering her nanny was able to beat that rate by $5/hour. That's pretty significant. I don't think you'll have to worry about firing her OP, she won't be sticking around long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm all for searching for a better sitter, but within reason. You should first determine how many different primary caregivers are too many. Because at some point, you are most certainly doing more harm to your child, than good. That should be your primary concern. And what can you do differently next time around, as not to repeat the same mistakes.

That's kind've dramatic. Kids switch care providers all the time in preschool, daycare, etc. The child will forget nanny within days. There are much better care providers out there that will actually make a difference and be worth the money spent on childcare.

High turnover of primary caregivers IS dramatic for a little child. Why not take a course or two in early childhood devlopement and learn a few parenting skills.

I guarantee you, you'll soon learn that stability for a young child is paramount. Children who are denied that fundamental right, often suffer lifelong pain and hardship. Well into adulthood, they battle emotional and psychological damage done to them during their early childhood development. I suspect that some posters here, who keep the revolving nanny door well-oiled, were themselves victims of similar early trauma. Hence, the constant irritation with each incoming/outgoing nanny. They themselves are frequently unable to sustain longterm relationships that are challenging and demand hard work. The mother-nanny relationship is the easiest to severe again and again, with no end in sight. And the little child falls though the cracks of this horrific routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm all for searching for a better sitter, but within reason. You should first determine how many different primary caregivers are too many. Because at some point, you are most certainly doing more harm to your child, than good. That should be your primary concern. And what can you do differently next time around, as not to repeat the same mistakes.

That's kind've dramatic. Kids switch care providers all the time in preschool, daycare, etc. The child will forget nanny within days. There are much better care providers out there that will actually make a difference and be worth the money spent on childcare.

High turnover of primary caregivers IS dramatic for a little child. Why not take a course or two in early childhood devlopement and learn a few parenting skills.

I guarantee you, you'll soon learn that stability for a young child is paramount. Children who are denied that fundamental right, often suffer lifelong pain and hardship. Well into adulthood, they battle emotional and psychological damage done to them during their early childhood development. I suspect that some posters here, who keep the revolving nanny door well-oiled, were themselves victims of similar early trauma. Hence, the constant irritation with each incoming/outgoing nanny. They themselves are frequently unable to sustain longterm relationships that are challenging and demand hard work. The mother-nanny relationship is the easiest to severe again and again, with no end in sight. And the little child falls though the cracks of this horrific routine.

*sever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm all for searching for a better sitter, but within reason. You should first determine how many different primary caregivers are too many. Because at some point, you are most certainly doing more harm to your child, than good. That should be your primary concern. And what can you do differently next time around, as not to repeat the same mistakes.

That's kind've dramatic. Kids switch care providers all the time in preschool, daycare, etc. The child will forget nanny within days. There are much better care providers out there that will actually make a difference and be worth the money spent on childcare.

High turnover of primary caregivers IS dramatic for a little child. Why not take a course or two in early childhood devlopement and learn a few parenting skills.

I guarantee you, you'll soon learn that stability for a young child is paramount. Children who are denied that fundamental right, often suffer lifelong pain and hardship. Well into adulthood, they battle emotional and psychological damage done to them during their early childhood development. I suspect that some posters here, who keep the revolving nanny door well-oiled, were themselves victims of similar early trauma. Hence, the constant irritation with each incoming/outgoing nanny. They themselves are frequently unable to sustain longterm relationships that are challenging and demand hard work. The mother-nanny relationship is the easiest to severe again and again, with no end in sight. And the little child falls though the cracks of this horrific routine.

Please shut up troll. *the story telling troll can also be identified by post that take up more space than they need to, with a bunch of extra empty lines*

Cue her returning with a sarcastic response about me shutting down discussions.....

[Anonymous]

Control freak alert. Did you get her permission to speak?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Control freak alert. Did you get her permission to speak?

You can always be counted on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Control freak alert. Did you get her permission to speak?

You can always be counted on

Why don't you put on your think cap for a change, and participate in some adult discussion? Unlike your self, I will not tell you to shut up or call you a troll every time your view varies from mine, provided you offer some thoughtful content for people to discuss and debate, should they desire. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm all for searching for a better sitter, but within reason. You should first determine how many different primary caregivers are too many. Because at some point, you are most certainly doing more harm to your child, than good. That should be your primary concern. And what can you do differently next time around, as not to repeat the same mistakes.

That's kind've dramatic. Kids switch care providers all the time in preschool, daycare, etc. The child will forget nanny within days. There are much better care providers out there that will actually make a difference and be worth the money spent on childcare.

High turnover of primary caregivers IS dramatic for a little child. Why not take a course or two in early childhood devlopement and learn a few parenting skills.

I guarantee you, you'll soon learn that stability for a young child is paramount. Children who are denied that fundamental right, often suffer lifelong pain and hardship. Well into adulthood, they battle emotional and psychological damage done to them during their early childhood development. I suspect that some posters here, who keep the revolving nanny door well-oiled, were themselves victims of similar early trauma. Hence, the constant irritation with each incoming/outgoing nanny. They themselves are frequently unable to sustain longterm relationships that are challenging and demand hard work. The mother-nanny relationship is the easiest to severe again and again, with no end in sight. And the little child falls though the cracks of this horrific routine.

Please shut up troll. *the story telling troll can also be identified by post that take up more space than they need to, with a bunch of extra empty lines*

Cue her returning with a sarcastic response about me shutting down discussions.....

It sounds like she tells people to "shut up" about a 100 times a day.