Friend comes over every day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't keep a nanny who had a problem with this or wanted extra pay because my 10 year old has a well-behaved friend over every day. By the age of 10, most kids have a best friend from the neighborhood who becomes a daily companion. Although reciprocity is nice, at 21:47, the OP said that her charge is not allowed to play at the friend's house because he has asthma and the friend lives with a smoker.

The nanny needs to check with her employer to see how they want her to handle trips away from home when the 10 year old has his friend over. Personally, I would probably say that I'd prefer her to stay around the house because the ten year old is not going to want to leave his friend to go to a playground with his nanny and younger siblings. In other words, accommodating the friend is part of caring for the 10 year old, which is itself part of this particular job.

So the kids can't play outside over at the other kids house? Or do kids not do that anymore, do they have to be inside at all times? While I think it is great that the kid has a friend to play with everyday, if the nanny will be taking the kids out for activities etc, she doesn't want to constantly be telling the other kid he has to go home now either. I think it is unfair to treat the friend as a reason to have to stay close to home.

OP, if you end up wanting to do regular outings, perhaps try and schedule regular playdates with the friend, or set up time restrictions. If there are certain hours you want to go out to playgrounds etc (say after a naptimes etc), then you should say that the friend can come over daily between x-z pm. If certain days you like to go to a reading at the library that conflicts with that time, then mention that say Wednesdays are not good or better between y-z hours instead. Dealing with 3 kids and then adding a 4th (the friend) should be trying to make things easier. But since OP does also have an infant and a toddler, they will be wanting to get out of the house and do things that the 10 yr old will have to give up time with his friend for. The 10 yr old should ALSO be getting time out of the house to do stuff, so telling the OP to stay close to home is really not the best suggestion.

I think figuring out what type of play schedule would work for you and then sending it home with the kid makes the most sense. That could be because I am just a schedule type of person though, so maybe it is not something that would work for you. But if so, you can make one up and have him leave it on his fridge. He can then be like, it's Tuesday and 3pm, is Danny available to have me come over at this point and check the schedule. Not saying you ALWAYS have to be available at those times, but just as a way for the kid to check the most probable times that he could come over to play. I think that is easier than having the kid show up 20 minutes before you plan on leaving for somewhere and then having to explain that he can't stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't keep a nanny who had a problem with this or wanted extra pay because my 10 year old has a well-behaved friend over every day. By the age of 10, most kids have a best friend from the neighborhood who becomes a daily companion. Although reciprocity is nice, at 21:47, the OP said that her charge is not allowed to play at the friend's house because he has asthma and the friend lives with a smoker.

The nanny needs to check with her employer to see how they want her to handle trips away from home when the 10 year old has his friend over. Personally, I would probably say that I'd prefer her to stay around the house because the ten year old is not going to want to leave his friend to go to a playground with his nanny and younger siblings. In other words, accommodating the friend is part of caring for the 10 year old, which is itself part of this particular job.

Wait, what? The younger kids should miss out on trips to the playground so the 10yo can play with the friend he sees every day?

I don't believe you're a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't keep a nanny who had a problem with this or wanted extra pay because my 10 year old has a well-behaved friend over every day. By the age of 10, most kids have a best friend from the neighborhood who becomes a daily companion. Although reciprocity is nice, at 21:47, the OP said that her charge is not allowed to play at the friend's house because he has asthma and the friend lives with a smoker.

The nanny needs to check with her employer to see how they want her to handle trips away from home when the 10 year old has his friend over. Personally, I would probably say that I'd prefer her to stay around the house because the ten year old is not going to want to leave his friend to go to a playground with his nanny and younger siblings. In other words, accommodating the friend is part of caring for the 10 year old, which is itself part of this particular job.

Wait, what? The younger kids should miss out on trips to the playground so the 10yo can play with the friend he sees every day?

I don't believe you're a parent.

Yes, I am a parent. Yes, I view the ten year old's play needs, which include downtime with friends at home, as being just important as those of the babies.

The nanny is presumably with the infant and toddler all day while the ten year old is in school. So, at least during the school year, the ten year old's friend should only be an issue in the late afternoon. If this is really about the kids and not about the nanny feeling like she should have unfettered autonomy, I see no reason why the nanny can't arrange her schedule so that playground and baby activities take place during school hours and at home play comes in the after-school hours. Now, depending on what camps the ten year old has planned, summer may require some sort of scheduled limitations on the friend's presence. But again, the parents need to be involved in working out a schedule that accommodates age-appropriate activities for all three kids, including the ten year old's at-home play with his friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't keep a nanny who had a problem with this or wanted extra pay because my 10 year old has a well-behaved friend over every day. By the age of 10, most kids have a best friend from the neighborhood who becomes a daily companion. Although reciprocity is nice, at 21:47, the OP said that her charge is not allowed to play at the friend's house because he has asthma and the friend lives with a smoker.

The nanny needs to check with her employer to see how they want her to handle trips away from home when the 10 year old has his friend over. Personally, I would probably say that I'd prefer her to stay around the house because the ten year old is not going to want to leave his friend to go to a playground with his nanny and younger siblings. In other words, accommodating the friend is part of caring for the 10 year old, which is itself part of this particular job.

Wait, what? The younger kids should miss out on trips to the playground so the 10yo can play with the friend he sees every day?

I don't believe you're a parent.

Yes, I am a parent. Yes, I view the ten year old's play needs, which include downtime with friends at home, as being just important as those of the babies.

The nanny is presumably with the infant and toddler all day while the ten year old is in school. So, at least during the school year, the ten year old's friend should only be an issue in the late afternoon. If this is really about the kids and not about the nanny feeling like she should have unfettered autonomy, I see no reason why the nanny can't arrange her schedule so that playground and baby activities take place during school hours and at home play comes in the after-school hours. Now, depending on what camps the ten year old has planned, summer may require some sort of scheduled limitations on the friend's presence. But again, the parents need to be involved in working out a schedule that accommodates age-appropriate activities for all three kids, including the ten year old's at-home play with his friend.

Ah, I see what you're saying.

I still disagree, because I work 7-7 and let me tell you, if we couldn't get out of the house at 3/4pm those last few hours of the day would be hell for everyone, not just me. And I don't think it's fair to say that this nanny's job includes supervising an unknown child, because if it does that should have been brought up at the interview. If there were an accident where the guest child was injured at your house while the nanny was there, that is an enormous liability for both you and her to take on without ever bothering to talk to her about it.

But, I think you're right that a serious conversation about their schedule, her willingness to host these play dates, and the needs of all the children would allow for a solution where everyone's half satisfied and half miserable - which I think is what we call an ideal compromise!