How to let nanny go

[Anonymous]

We are going to let our nanny go. Her contract (1 year) is up this month and it is not a good fit. She hasn't done anything terrible -- it's more just the sum of some small things that make her not right for our family (and us for her).

I'm looking for any recommendations on how best to do this. Should we tell her on a Friday and pay her severance then, making that her last day? Or let her know that we won't need her back after her vacation (which begins mid-August, thereby giving her a month+ to find new work)? If we did the latter, we would not provide severance, as we would still pay her through her vacation which takes her to the 2nd week of September.

Also, what kind of details would you provide her about why? She is older and sensitive and I'm kind of inclined to tell her that my mom will be taking care of the kids just so that she isn't personally wounded, but I don't know if that's just a cop out on my end. She is very bonded with our kids and I'd like to make this as least hurtful as possible for her.

Any advice is welcome.

[Anonymous]

I'm super honest. So I'd tell her in a Friday and say we don't think we're the best fit for each other so we've decided to go in a different direction. Then I'd hand her her final paycheck with whatever severance you're giving, ask for keys back and invite her to say goodbye to the kids.

I would give one weeks pay as severance.

[Anonymous]

Some combination of notice and severance amounting to a month seems appropriate. That is the notice period in my contract and the minimum I would expect given no actual fault of my own. Please give her more time than a few minutes to digest the news and say goodbye. Agree with Pp to do it on a Friday, but I see no reason not to let her come back at another time to say goodbye. Some MBs just really don't give a damn about the women they ask to love and care for their children every day. She LOVES your kids. Let her say a proper goodbye.

[Anonymous]

My families have all given me three or more weeks notice and I worked through the notice period. I'd be hurt and confused if they showed up with my check, demanded the keys and only gave me a minute to say goodbye to the kids without me being able to collect my thoughts, take them on a special outing etc. If you don't trust her to work through a notice period then why would you trust her now?

[Anonymous]

The termination procedure you describe makes since if there is a safety issue or a serious rift. Then you would not want to nanny to stay around. I would be up front about the reason and also hand her a positive reference letter at the start of the notice period. For a no fault termination, I would expect a positive reference.

How will you talk to potential employers about your reason for terminating the contract?

[Anonymous]

I would go with the second option since she didn't do anything damaging. Nannies do not make much money and it makes it hard to save. Be as considerate as possible in this termination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The termination procedure you describe makes since if there is a safety issue or a serious rift. Then you would not want to nanny to stay around. I would be up front about the reason and also hand her a positive reference letter at the start of the notice period. For a no fault termination, I would expect a positive reference.

How will you talk to potential employers about your reason for terminating the contract?

I'll be honest -- that she is safe, she plays with them, feeds them, etc, but that she wasn't a good fit for our family because our children are very outdoors focused (she is not) and she is better suited for a first time mom or someone who wants a lot of input/direction/guidance (not the case for us, and it's become a real issue).

[Anonymous]

MB here and I agree with 12:51 - I'd go with paying her through her vacation and not having her come back after that. That's assuming that things are cordial and calm enough that you're ok w/ her being in your house/watching the kids etc... for the remaining time. You should also be prepared for the possibility that she'll be upset and just want to leave that day. But if possible, take the high and gentle road.

Re an explanation, perhaps you could just say that the families' needs are changing and you couldn't in good faith renew her contract for another year. Hand her a reference letter that compliments what you can compliment, and then focus on thanking her for her good work this year, wishing her the best, reiterating the month paid notice etc... Don't get dragged into specifics, or into having to fabricate lies you'll feel crummy about (and she will probably see through).

If really pressed you could couch the truth in a nice way. "You know, I think you would be so fantastic for a first time mom for instance. We increasingly are needing ways for our kids to be outside/actively engaged in their activities, etc... So I just don't think we're a great fit, but that's not a reflection on you - just the reality of our changing/growing family's needs."

[Anonymous]

Make Friday her last day. Give her a check that includes two weeks severance and ask for your keys back. Offer her a reference letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of notice and severance amounting to a month seems appropriate. That is the notice period in my contract and the minimum I would expect given no actual fault of my own. Please give her more time than a few minutes to digest the news and say goodbye. Agree with Pp to do it on a Friday, but I see no reason not to let her come back at another time to say goodbye. Some MBs just really don't give a damn about the women they ask to love and care for their children every day. She LOVES your kids. Let her say a proper goodbye.

Would you need to come back to a real office a couple times to say goodbye to your coworkers? Those kids are her JOB, act like it. She should't need to make a huge deal about saying good bye

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of notice and severance amounting to a month seems appropriate. That is the notice period in my contract and the minimum I would expect given no actual fault of my own. Please give her more time than a few minutes to digest the news and say goodbye. Agree with Pp to do it on a Friday, but I see no reason not to let her come back at another time to say goodbye. Some MBs just really don't give a damn about the women they ask to love and care for their children every day. She LOVES your kids. Let her say a proper goodbye.

Would you need to come back to a real office a couple times to say goodbye to your coworkers? Those kids are her JOB, act like it. She should't need to make a huge deal about saying good bye

Right. A nanny should treat the children she cares for like a job. When they fall, I should do nothing more than stand them back up. No need to remember their birthdays, or holidays. I should simply put them in the crib for naps, and leave them until nap time is over, even if they are scared or upset. There's no need for me to ask them how their day at preschool went, what they learned, and I certainly don't need to arrange play dates with their friends. A good nanny cares deeply for the children she is paid to...CARE for. Give her an opportunity to say good bye. It isn't that hard, and the PP who scoffs at the idea I hope to goodness you are a troll. If not, I wish you luck dealing with whatever demons make you incapable of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of notice and severance amounting to a month seems appropriate. That is the notice period in my contract and the minimum I would expect given no actual fault of my own. Please give her more time than a few minutes to digest the news and say goodbye. Agree with Pp to do it on a Friday, but I see no reason not to let her come back at another time to say goodbye. Some MBs just really don't give a damn about the women they ask to love and care for their children every day. She LOVES your kids. Let her say a proper goodbye.

Would you need to come back to a real office a couple times to say goodbye to your coworkers? Those kids are her JOB, act like it. She should't need to make a huge deal about saying good bye

Right. A nanny should treat the children she cares for like a job. When they fall, I should do nothing more than stand them back up. No need to remember their birthdays, or holidays. I should simply put them in the crib for naps, and leave them until nap time is over, even if they are scared or upset. There's no need for me to ask them how their day at preschool went, what they learned, and I certainly don't need to arrange play dates with their friends. A good nanny cares deeply for the children she is paid to...CARE for. Give her an opportunity to say good bye. It isn't that hard, and the PP who scoffs at the idea I hope to goodness you are a troll. If not, I wish you luck dealing with whatever demons make you incapable of empathy.

Nobody said you shouldnt have the chance to say goodbye. Your chance is on your way out of the house though. There's no way I'm firing someone and THEN letting them take my children out of my sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of notice and severance amounting to a month seems appropriate. That is the notice period in my contract and the minimum I would expect given no actual fault of my own. Please give her more time than a few minutes to digest the news and say goodbye. Agree with Pp to do it on a Friday, but I see no reason not to let her come back at another time to say goodbye. Some MBs just really don't give a damn about the women they ask to love and care for their children every day. She LOVES your kids. Let her say a proper goodbye.

Would you need to come back to a real office a couple times to say goodbye to your coworkers? Those kids are her JOB, act like it. She should't need to make a huge deal about saying good bye

Right. A nanny should treat the children she cares for like a job. When they fall, I should do nothing more than stand them back up. No need to remember their birthdays, or holidays. I should simply put them in the crib for naps, and leave them until nap time is over, even if they are scared or upset. There's no need for me to ask them how their day at preschool went, what they learned, and I certainly don't need to arrange play dates with their friends. A good nanny cares deeply for the children she is paid to...CARE for. Give her an opportunity to say good bye. It isn't that hard, and the PP who scoffs at the idea I hope to goodness you are a troll. If not, I wish you luck dealing with whatever demons make you incapable of empathy.

Agreed. If I treated my charge like any other job I would be a terrible nanny. The fact that another human being gets to snot, poop, and throw up on me alone would be out of the question. When a coworker gets sick you can expect them to stay in their cubicle. When my charge gets sick I can expect them to spend even more time in my arms needing extra cuddles. This is not your average job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of notice and severance amounting to a month seems appropriate. That is the notice period in my contract and the minimum I would expect given no actual fault of my own. Please give her more time than a few minutes to digest the news and say goodbye. Agree with Pp to do it on a Friday, but I see no reason not to let her come back at another time to say goodbye. Some MBs just really don't give a damn about the women they ask to love and care for their children every day. She LOVES your kids. Let her say a proper goodbye.

Would you need to come back to a real office a couple times to say goodbye to your coworkers? Those kids are her JOB, act like it. She should't need to make a huge deal about saying good bye

Right. A nanny should treat the children she cares for like a job. When they fall, I should do nothing more than stand them back up. No need to remember their birthdays, or holidays. I should simply put them in the crib for naps, and leave them until nap time is over, even if they are scared or upset. There's no need for me to ask them how their day at preschool went, what they learned, and I certainly don't need to arrange play dates with their friends. A good nanny cares deeply for the children she is paid to...CARE for. Give her an opportunity to say good bye. It isn't that hard, and the PP who scoffs at the idea I hope to goodness you are a troll. If not, I wish you luck dealing with whatever demons make you incapable of empathy.

Nobody said you shouldnt have the chance to say goodbye. Your chance is on your way out of the house though. There's no way I'm firing someone and THEN letting them take my children out of my sight.

No one said let her take the kids out of sight. Saying you're fired, give my keys, and get out, all in the same breath makes you a cold and heartless bitch. Breaking someone's heart like that with no regard for their feelings is some seriously bad karma, and you DO reap what you sow. Your nanny would need to find a new job, but you will still be a terrible unhappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some combination of notice and severance amounting to a month seems appropriate. That is the notice period in my contract and the minimum I would expect given no actual fault of my own. Please give her more time than a few minutes to digest the news and say goodbye. Agree with Pp to do it on a Friday, but I see no reason not to let her come back at another time to say goodbye. Some MBs just really don't give a damn about the women they ask to love and care for their children every day. She LOVES your kids. Let her say a proper goodbye.

Would you need to come back to a real office a couple times to say goodbye to your coworkers? Those kids are her JOB, act like it. She should't need to make a huge deal about saying good bye

Right. A nanny should treat the children she cares for like a job. When they fall, I should do nothing more than stand them back up. No need to remember their birthdays, or holidays. I should simply put them in the crib for naps, and leave them until nap time is over, even if they are scared or upset. There's no need for me to ask them how their day at preschool went, what they learned, and I certainly don't need to arrange play dates with their friends. A good nanny cares deeply for the children she is paid to...CARE for. Give her an opportunity to say good bye. It isn't that hard, and the PP who scoffs at the idea I hope to goodness you are a troll. If not, I wish you luck dealing with whatever demons make you incapable of empathy.

Nobody said you shouldnt have the chance to say goodbye. Your chance is on your way out of the house though. There's no way I'm firing someone and THEN letting them take my children out of my sight.

No one said let her take the kids out of sight. Saying you're fired, give my keys, and get out, all in the same breath makes you a cold and heartless bitch. Breaking someone's heart like that with no regard for their feelings is some seriously bad karma, and you DO reap what you sow. Your nanny would need to find a new job, but you will still be a terrible unhappy person.

But ... nobody said to do that and not allow the nanny to say goodbye to the kids.