Best way to talk to nanny about an issue?
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Anonymous
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Our nanny has increasingly been taking our kids to either her house or her family's house during the day. It used to be like once a quarter, now it's at least once a week, if not more (I think she's not telling us every time she does it). She sent us a picture last week of our baby on a bed that we didn't recognize and she told me it's her bed at home.
This make me uncomfortable. I can't entirely articulate why though. For her mom's house, part of it is because I know my baby is being passed around to a number of people (she has a big family that often congregates there) and that just isn't ok with me, even though the baby is 9 months and past the initial newborn phase. Any suggestions on how to word this? Am I just being overprotective? It just seems weird to me. |
Anonymous
| This is strange. Not just you. I am a nanny and I will occasionally (rarely) bring charges to my house. For example, the weather turned out really nice and I want to grab my swim suit so I can take them to the pool. Tell her unless a trip out if for the |
Anonymous
| Totally unacceptable. You don't socialize with your family while you're working. Tell her you want her to take the baby places that are for your baby, not for her. |
Anonymous
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I used take my past charges (all 5+) to my house 2x per year for an ice cream sundae party. They liked visiting my apartment. I did this with MB's knowledge and permission.
She definitely shouldn't be at her house that often with you baby. |
Anonymous
| If you are not okay with it, you need to speak up and put an end to it. Your nanny is not a mind reader and if you've never objected before, she has no way of knowing what your comfort level is (and every time you say nothing, she probably assumes that means you are fine with it). Give her clear guidelines about what is okay and what is not okay in terms of where she takes your kids, and ask her to report what she did and where she went with your kids every day so that you have an actual sense of how often these things are happening. |
Anonymous
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The rule should be that you ok wherever she takes the baby - in advance (at least until you have established clear boundaries about what you're comfortable with).
"Nanny, I'd like to talk about something that is making me uncomfortable. I would prefer to know, in advance, if you wish to take the baby anywhere. At some point I am sure we'll want the baby going to the library, the zoo, playgrounds, etc... but it is still too early for that. I am uncomfortable not knowing where the baby is at any given time and would prefer that you stay with her at our house unless I ok it." Then see how she responds. It's also perfectly fine to say that you're a first time mother, and perhaps overprotective, but you still prefer that they stay at home, or only go places that you have okayed. As the employer you need to be able to be clear and direct about your expectations. You don't have to be unpleasant, but you do need to be clear, otherwise this kind of thing will just get worse, and become a bigger issue than it needs to be. Good luck. |
Anonymous
PP here - FWIW I think it's weird and I would be uncomfortable too. But then again, I told our nanny upfront that I need to know where they go - they have a general weekly schedule of activities and when they deviate from it, she tells me, and asks before they go to new places. |
Anonymous
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No way! My employers' always know
where we are, if it is not child related I am not involved period. I just couldn't trust her. If I tell you we are going to the library, you will find me there. I wouldn't be at the mall shopping. |
Anonymous
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You are not being overprotective at all OP. If you do not want your baby at her home, then that is your right.
If I were you, I would simply let your nanny know that you would prefer it if she didn't take your baby to other people's homes except his own. You just don't feel comfortable w/it now. You do not have to go into specifics or anything. And you do not have to be harsh about it either. Keep a smile on your face and let her know you hope she understands. If she continues doing so after you have already told her how you feel about this however, then you have no choice but to let her go. However, let's hope she respects your wishes and follows your orders. |
Anonymous
| Telling her that you don't want the baby at her home is a bit of a slippery slope. She may be offended and think that you feel that you are "better than" her and your family is above her family. I wouldn't think that, but I see how it could be misconstrued if you aren't delicate about it. It's kind of like, "Nanny, you can take care of my kid, but I actually feel uncomfortable about your family" |
Anonymous
Places for a 9 month old? Hmm... that sounds like your nanny would be in the house all day. She needs human interaction. |
Anonymous
I'm of two minds about this. Your baby does not NEED to be at anyone else's house; she does need to be out and about (even at 9mo), but not necessarily at another home. I suspect the reason it makes you a bit uneasy is because there is no oversight at all - no neighbors or other mothers seeing what they're up to, no children's librarian who might mention how sweetly your nanny engaged with your daughter, etc. On the other hand...1) your nanny is certainly lonely for adult interaction and it sounds, with a large family passing her around, like your daughter is very well cared for at her home and 2) a change of scenery and/or toys is really, really beneficial for kids. Even babies. Their attention span is longer and it helps with any anxiety that might exist surrounding new spaces. So. You are the mother, and you can absolutely say something if you want to - and perhaps you do want to ask that she avoid handing the baby around to anyone until she's finished receiving her vaccinations at twelve months? But if I were you I'd do a bit more soul searching to figure out what the issue actually is so you can address that. Instead of saying it makes you uncomfortable, period, you'll be able to articulate why and make more specific requests. In terms of addressing any issues with your nanny, that is my best advice: be very, very clear about your concerns, your wants and needs, and your expectations. Broaching it before you've really sussed out your own feelings is likely to make the nanny defensive because your language will be too vague. |
Anonymous
| I'm a nanny and I don't think OP is out of line at all. I have a great relationship with my NF and often take the children out to a different place last minute; if I plan on going to the pool in the morning but the kids tell me we want to go to the library, we change our plans. I tell my NF at the end of the day and they never have a problem with the change of plans. That being said, we never go to anybody else's house and it would be SUPER weird if I started bringing the kids to my parents house. I would feel very uncomfortable about it if I were an MB. I would simply tell the nanny that you feel uncomfortable having the baby at somebody else's house and you would prefer her to be in your house or at other places meant for children (parks, libraries, pools, etc) |
Anonymous
No. Playgrounds, spray grounds, pools, library, music class, gymboree, etc. All places for babies. |
Anonymous
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I am a nanny and your nanny should not be taking your baby to her home. While it may be difficult to tell her that you don't want your baby at her home, it is certainly acceptable to tell her where you DO want the baby to be during the day and simply leave out her home. Library, park, etc. And since I am assuming that your nanny drives to her home, you can also ask the nanny to limit her driving with the baby in the car.
I do not take my charge to my home and if I ever had to I would absolutely ASK my employer each and every time I had to. You can also tell your nanny that you need to know where the baby is at all times. |