What type of family am I working for?

[Anonymous]

I started out with a family 11 months ago. Everything seems to be going real well besides the few hiccups here and there. For the past few weeks I am starting to have a real hard time with both bosses. I care for a 10 months old and a 3.5 year old. My 10 month old isn't a textbook baby. He isn't one to take to any type of daily routine. MB really wants him on one so I customized a few routines that would work. She gives me he go on one of them. Works perfectly until the weekend. She doesn't follow it because of her social events. My charge has bad reflux and can't eat large quantized therefore eats every 2 hours except at night. MB wanted to change that which was a total disaster. I've been trying to accommodate her wishes but my charge is miserable. She has said on several occasions certain schedules aren't convenient for her weekends out and him eating often isn't as well. I feel MB is putting her social arrangements before her children which isn't fair at all. My other charge is a very easy 3.5 year old. She definitely " goes with the flow" of things. I feel bad for her. MB cares more about her events and won't follow routines because they don't fit into her plans. It's becoming increasingly frustrating. DB and MB are currently separated and its been tough enough for them to switch houses every few weeks. Any tips? I hope I am not judging but I feel my MB is very selfish and cares more about her errands/events than her children.

[Anonymous]

First, you are absolutely judging her. You need to let go of what you think about her parenting and find a way to support her in what she says she wants. What she wants is a baby who is more flexible. She is not a first-time mom, and it is entirely possible that she was spoiled within easy first baby and simply thinks that you are not as good at getting the baby on a routine as their previous nanny must have been. I would ask for a time for her to sit down and talk to you. Let her know that you understand how important a routine is and that as a newly single mom she probably has very busy weekends and is doing her best to fit it all in. Talk to her about what you think is reasonable: how often do you think the baby needs to eat? What routine do you think would be best for the baby in an ideal world? Now, instead of assuming that the mom should just throw everything else in her life out the window and do what you think is ideal from the babies perspective, assume that the baby is part of a family unit and that your job is to figure out away to get his needs met while also fitting into that unit. Create a game plan that is based on both the babies needs and what your employer is telling you she needs. Present that plan to her. If you think that that plan is still going to be unworkable for her (if you think that what she is wanting is simply not realistic for your charge), I would talk to her about some other possibilities, such as hiring a mother's helper for some weekend hours so that the baby can get through this stage. How old is your charge? Because ReFLEX and eating problems are absolutely things that the charge should be growing out of in the next six months if he/she is an infant. If you present it to your boss as a situation where she might have to hire extra support short-term so that her baby can make the smoothest transition toward long-term health and happiness, she may be more open to that then you simply telling her that this is what her baby needs and expecting her to bend over backwards indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, you are absolutely judging her. You need to let go of what you think about her parenting and find a way to support her in what she says she wants. What she wants is a baby who is more flexible. She is not a first-time mom, and it is entirely possible that she was spoiled within easy first baby and simply thinks that you are not as good at getting the baby on a routine as their previous nanny must have been. I would ask for a time for her to sit down and talk to you. Let her know that you understand how important a routine is and that as a newly single mom she probably has very busy weekends and is doing her best to fit it all in. Talk to her about what you think is reasonable: how often do you think the baby needs to eat? What routine do you think would be best for the baby in an ideal world? Now, instead of assuming that the mom should just throw everything else in her life out the window and do what you think is ideal from the babies perspective, assume that the baby is part of a family unit and that your job is to figure out away to get his needs met while also fitting into that unit. Create a game plan that is based on both the babies needs and what your employer is telling you she needs. Present that plan to her. If you think that that plan is still going to be unworkable for her (if you think that what she is wanting is simply not realistic for your charge), I would talk to her about some other possibilities, such as hiring a mother's helper for some weekend hours so that the baby can get through this stage. How old is your charge? Because ReFLEX and eating problems are absolutely things that the charge should be growing out of in the next six months if he/she is an infant. If you present it to your boss as a situation where she might have to hire extra support short-term so that her baby can make the smoothest transition toward long-term health and happiness, she may be more open to that then you simply telling her that this is what her baby needs and expecting her to bend over backwards indefinitely.

Sorry, but you're nuts. Why would you support a selfish parent? That's crazy and dishonest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, you are absolutely judging her. You need to let go of what you think about her parenting and find a way to support her in what she says she wants. What she wants is a baby who is more flexible. She is not a first-time mom, and it is entirely possible that she was spoiled within easy first baby and simply thinks that you are not as good at getting the baby on a routine as their previous nanny must have been. I would ask for a time for her to sit down and talk to you. Let her know that you understand how important a routine is and that as a newly single mom she probably has very busy weekends and is doing her best to fit it all in. Talk to her about what you think is reasonable: how often do you think the baby needs to eat? What routine do you think would be best for the baby in an ideal world? Now, instead of assuming that the mom should just throw everything else in her life out the window and do what you think is ideal from the babies perspective, assume that the baby is part of a family unit and that your job is to figure out away to get his needs met while also fitting into that unit. Create a game plan that is based on both the babies needs and what your employer is telling you she needs. Present that plan to her. If you think that that plan is still going to be unworkable for her (if you think that what she is wanting is simply not realistic for your charge), I would talk to her about some other possibilities, such as hiring a mother's helper for some weekend hours so that the baby can get through this stage. How old is your charge? Because ReFLEX and eating problems are absolutely things that the charge should be growing out of in the next six months if he/she is an infant. If you present it to your boss as a situation where she might have to hire extra support short-term so that her baby can make the smoothest transition toward long-term health and happiness, she may be more open to that then you simply telling her that this is what her baby needs and expecting her to bend over backwards indefinitely.

MB used to be a stay-at-home mom so they never had a previous nanny. I've done all the above you have said and I am still at a dead end. MB will be up for it until she has a party to go to or a new boyfriend and everything turns to hell. It's exhausting dealing with going back and forth on all of this. I can't efficiently and effectively do my job if she isn't willing to help work with me on this. My charge is 15 months. He has severe reflux among another sensitive condition which makes it harder on him to eat enough at one sitting or going more than 2 hours between eating.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell her what you want. If she doesn't care, she doesn't care. Get a new job.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP, but you're off base here. The child is part of a family unit. The family consists of multiple people, all of whom have needs to be met on the weekend. At 10 months, the baby should be on a schedule that permits the MB to meet the needs of her entire family on the weekends, and that includes her own needs. It may take the baby some time to adjust, but that is no different from tummy time, sleep training, weaning, and a lot of other thresholds that adults must nudge babies across.

[Anonymous]

Is your charge 10 months or 15 months, OP?

Or wait, were you hoping we wouldn't notice you slip up there?

You're not, but if you were real I'd agree with the PP: at 10 OR 15 months the child is part of a family unit that needs to function. If the doctor doesn't think he needs to eat every two hours he doesn't, and I'm SURE you'd have included that in a previous post were that the case. (No adding it belatedly, it only gives you away.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your charge 10 months or 15 months, OP?

Or wait, were you hoping we wouldn't notice you slip up there?

You're not, but if you were real I'd agree with the PP: at 10 OR 15 months the child is part of a family unit that needs to function. If the doctor doesn't think he needs to eat every two hours he doesn't, and I'm SURE you'd have included that in a previous post were that the case. (No adding it belatedly, it only gives you away.)

You sure did catch ms troll. She can't keep her lies straight. Her stories are always grossly embellished. Sick. Sick. Sick.