It does hurt to ask.

[Anonymous]

Every few months my employers ask one too many favors from me and I have to set things straight. Everything is fine for awhile and then it starts up again. I really hate confrontation and have no clue why they continue to push, push, push until I have to say something.

I understand that they are first time parents and I am their only experience with employing a nanny - but, come on - they have jobs! What they are asking no one would agree to in any job.

It does hurt to ask - it hurts me to continue to have these discussions. I'm a great nanny and I work hard (which they know because they have nanny cams). It hurts them because, although not actively looking, I have been keeping my eyes open for a new job only because of this.

I guess I don't really have a question - this is just a vent. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Start actively looking for a new job, OP. What you are describing will never stop.

And I'm so sick of the "first time parent" excuse - if these people have jobs that afford them the financial ability to hire a nanny then they have the intellectual ability to search on the internet for what appropriate behavior and compensation for a nanny is as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start actively looking for a new job, OP. What you are describing will never stop.

And I'm so sick of the "first time parent" excuse - if these people have jobs that afford them the financial ability to hire a nanny then they have the intellectual ability to search on the internet for what appropriate behavior and compensation for a nanny is as well.

+1 I'm so sick of the "I'm a first time mommy" excuse I could vomit.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by "too many favors"? What kind of favors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "too many favors"? What kind of favors?

OP here: I live nearby my employers. I have been asked (and have often) run over on my days off to help out without being paid, doing the baby's laundry at my house on the weekends, changing my schedule without compensation, filling in for a few early morning hours on my day off when MB's MIL cannot watch the baby (paid but the hours are 6 to 9AM), etc. Things I will do without hesitation in an emergency or occasional favor basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "too many favors"? What kind of favors?

OP here: I live nearby my employers. I have been asked (and have often) run over on my days off to help out without being paid, doing the baby's laundry at my house on the weekends, changing my schedule without compensation, filling in for a few early morning hours on my day off when MB's MIL cannot watch the baby (paid but the hours are 6 to 9AM), etc. Things I will do without hesitation in an emergency or occasional favor basis.

That's not a FTM issue. I'm not a FTM but when I was I would NEVER have expected or asked for any of these things. How often though do you agree and how often do you say no? If you like the job otherwise I would think that being firm and saying "no" a few times would make them stop asking. BUT if you don't like the job anyway or you've tried this and they still keep asking then you should look for a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "too many favors"? What kind of favors?

OP here: I live nearby my employers. I have been asked (and have often) run over on my days off to help out without being paid, doing the baby's laundry at my house on the weekends, changing my schedule without compensation, filling in for a few early morning hours on my day off when MB's MIL cannot watch the baby (paid but the hours are 6 to 9AM), etc. Things I will do without hesitation in an emergency or occasional favor basis.

This is ridiculous. Part of the issue is the fact that you've done it.

Tell them a flat out, unequivocal NO. Don't have a discussion about it, just tell them no.

[Anonymous]

MB here and I agree w/ 10:01 - this isn't a first time employer issue, it's a thoughtless employer issue. I would no more have asked these things of our nanny in her first month than I would now in her third year.

You need to learn how to say no, and to be unavailable. Otherwise you are teaching this person that you can be taken advantage of, and clearly she is someone who will do that. Some people are just built that way - she's probably like that w/ friends and family also.

It sounds like you take/do too much for too long until you get fed up. You need to learn to manage it before you get to that point. No one can make you do anything you don't want to but you will need to change the relationship now (harder to change than to set up better from the beginning - but you can do it differently with your next job).

Good luck.

But don't write this off to first time moms please.

[Anonymous]

Agree this is an issue of your MB not having proper boundaries - she will likely be like this with every nanny until one refuses to comply.

Not all FTMs think that they own the Nanny's time all week as yours seems to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "too many favors"? What kind of favors?

OP here: I live nearby my employers. I have been asked (and have often) run over on my days off to help out without being paid, doing the baby's laundry at my house on the weekends, changing my schedule without compensation, filling in for a few early morning hours on my day off when MB's MIL cannot watch the baby (paid but the hours are 6 to 9AM), etc. Things I will do without hesitation in an emergency or occasional favor basis.

You are the problem here. You are a total pushover. I am a first time mom and would NEVER think to ask my nanny to come over to "help" without paying for that help. I would NEVER ask the nanny to do the baby's laundry on the weekend (it's done during the week during working hours). You need to stop doing these things. They only keep asking because you keep saying yes.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you need to actively look for a new position as well as say no to these requests. I would certainly be saying no if I were you.

[Anonymous]

You're letting yourself be taken advantage of, OP. The family has no right to be asking you to do this, but under NO circumstances should you be saying yes.

[Anonymous]

MB is an abuser and you're a doormat. If you ask her, she'll tell you it's the PERFECT combination. For HER.

Get a new job and kiss her ass goodbye.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same sort of situation over scheduling - I have agreed to change my hours too many times and now they are asking me to change virtually every week. I thought I was just being nice and "pitching in" when needed - but they are just taking advantage of me.

Say "no" and don't do any favor for them again - meanwhile, look for another job. I know it's hard - I love my charges so much - but I have to take my own advice and look for another position as well. (Literally my eyes filled with tears even as I wrote that I have to leave the kids).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean by "too many favors"? What kind of favors?

OP here: I live nearby my employers. I have been asked (and have often) run over on my days off to help out without being paid, doing the baby's laundry at my house on the weekends, changing my schedule without compensation, filling in for a few early morning hours on my day off when MB's MIL cannot watch the baby (paid but the hours are 6 to 9AM), etc. Things I will do without hesitation in an emergency or occasional favor basis.

That's not a FTM issue. I'm not a FTM but when I was I would NEVER have expected or asked for any of these things. How often though do you agree and how often do you say no? If you like the job otherwise I would think that being firm and saying "no" a few times would make them stop asking. BUT if you don't like the job anyway or you've tried this and they still keep asking then you should look for a new job.

OP here: I do like my job and LOVE the little girl in my care. I do periodically say no and tell them that what they are asking is unfair - and they agree and back down... for awhile. And then it starts up again, one "emergency" after another. I don't mind jumping in to help occasionally as a favor - that is my point - it's that they take that favor and ask over and over and over again. I don't want to leave because my charge is wonderful and amazing.