Is this micromanaging?

[Anonymous]

We ask our nanny to make sure that our son doesn't sleep past 4 and our daughter past 4:30. We've said this multiple times, mostly when she ignores our wishes. I called her on it today and said "you are ignoring what we want you to do" and she said we were micromanaging her. I disagree strongly but wanted to get some opinions.

[Anonymous]

seems reasonable. Also sounds like she needs to put them down earlier. Most parents don't want their kids sleeping past 3.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here, this is not micromanaging AT ALL

[Anonymous]

I'm a nanny as well - and your nanny is wrong. Please tell her I said so.

[Anonymous]

No, that is not micromanaging. Have you asked her what time they go down? Is she putting them down at the same time as you and they're just sleeping longer or do you have to wake them from their naps on the weekends also? If she's putting them down later, ask why and advise on how you'd like to adjust. If not, formal warning and reiterate they must be up no later than X in order to go to bed on time.

However, I know a nanny whose charge has been put to bed at 11pm or later his entire life for the sake of his parents' social lives. Every day is a series of emotional meltdowns and physical assaults (by him). His parents don't believe he even needs a nap anymore and tell her not to bother (they've been saying this since before he turned 1). Since he sleeps until 9am he often goes down to nap around 2-3 and (since she knows he is consistently sleep deprived) she will let him sleep as late as he wants on her watch (often until 5p). IMO she is taking better care of his developmental needs than his parents are, but yes, technically she is ignoring their requests. This is all to say NO you are not micromanaging and assuming all else is equal (kids aren't sick and go to bed at a reasonable hour) she should be following your instructions. If there is weird sleep deprivation principles going on in your household, though, like the family I know, you will have a difficult time finding any good nanny willing to subject children to an absurd sleep routine that ignores all of their physical, emotional, and developmental needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, that is not micromanaging. Have you asked her what time they go down? Is she putting them down at the same time as you and they're just sleeping longer or do you have to wake them from their naps on the weekends also? If she's putting them down later, ask why and advise on how you'd like to adjust. If not, formal warning and reiterate they must be up no later than X in order to go to bed on time.

However, I know a nanny whose charge has been put to bed at 11pm or later his entire life for the sake of his parents' social lives. Every day is a series of emotional meltdowns and physical assaults (by him). His parents don't believe he even needs a nap anymore and tell her not to bother (they've been saying this since before he turned 1). Since he sleeps until 9am he often goes down to nap around 2-3 and (since she knows he is consistently sleep deprived) she will let him sleep as late as he wants on her watch (often until 5p). IMO she is taking better care of his developmental needs than his parents are, but yes, technically she is ignoring their requests. This is all to say NO you are not micromanaging and assuming all else is equal (kids aren't sick and go to bed at a reasonable hour) she should be following your instructions. If there is weird sleep deprivation principles going on in your household, though, like the family I know, you will have a difficult time finding any good nanny willing to subject children to an absurd sleep routine that ignores all of their physical, emotional, and developmental needs.

Yeah, that's not us. If I have a mom "thing" i'm obsessed about, it's my kids' sleep. And I'm too tired to have a social life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think your nanny is out of line. If she has issues getting the kids up before then, she should explain why it is a problem--does she feel they consistently need to sleep then, or are you just catching her on days that are exceptional for some reason? Whatever her issue is, this request is not micromanaging. I would have a larger conversation about whether she feels micromanaged in general and what she feels needs to happen with sleep, but telling you that you don't get to issue direct orders is not okay. You get to make the call.

And I say this as a bossy and opinionated nanny myself. I went through a phase of defying orders by letting the twins I nannied for sleep later than their mom prefered because she never put them to bed as early as she planned to. BUT, I had a conversation with her where I explained my concerns and told her that I was not comfortable waking kids from a nap when I had seen signs of being overtired all morning. We agreed that I would try her way for one week and track behavior and if the kids were showing signs of being progressively more overtired as the week went on, then I could do it my way. I was "breaking the rules," but only because we had had a conversation and ahe eventually agreed to let me do it my way because she could see the exhaustion both in the log and in their evening behavior.

[Anonymous]

That's not micromanaging at all, you have to work together with her on the schedule. You put them to bed at the correct time, she sticks to the nap schedule. This way they have a routine and get enough rest. I think it's pretty standard anyway and common knowledge not to let them nap past the afternoon because then they have trouble sleeping at night.

[Anonymous]

Why the hell did you hire her?

[Anonymous]

This sounds pretty reasonable and quite normal to me OP.

Considering her response however, I DO have to ask you a question here to be fair, Do you also give her other instructions besides this? I.e., Feed them at 10 and 1, take them to the park at 11:30, read them stories at 12, etc.

Or does she pretty much get to plan the day as she likes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds pretty reasonable and quite normal to me OP.

Considering her response however, I DO have to ask you a question here to be fair, Do you also give her other instructions besides this? I.e., Feed them at 10 and 1, take them to the park at 11:30, read them stories at 12, etc.

Or does she pretty much get to plan the day as she likes?

OP here. Not really. I tell her how much to feed the baby but the rest is pretty much hers to plan.

[Anonymous]

Based on your other responses you aren't micromanaging your child's nanny at all but, it does sound like she doesn't respect your decision regarding your child's sleep. I would give a formal reprimand (in writing) and if she still doesn't change then start searching for a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you need to look into why she is letting them sleep that long. Does she put them down late and is there a genuine reason for that? I.e i have school pick up at 12 and then hve to come back and give them lunch so nap can never happen before a certain time regardless of how tired they are.
Her response isnt on though at all.

[Anonymous]

She prob wants them to sleep as long as possible on her time so she can relax.

[Anonymous]

Kids really should wake up on their own. Restful sleep and consolidated sleep are important and you really don't want to be waking kids up on a daily basis. Seeing as they are still sleeping, they need that sleep.

Can she put them down earlier so that they are done their naps earlier? That seems to be the issue. The schedule needs to be reworked