What she does when I'm not there

[Anonymous]

I have employed a nanny since last fall for my infant. She gets paid on the books (now) and is putting in some overtime as I travel. For the majority of the last several months, I have been WFH. There have been weeks that I care more for the baby during the day - because I want to, snow days, etc. It's my baby, so of course it's not generally a problem.
I was also careful not to task her with responsibilities outside of her nanny role. (She washes his bottles, loads her and his dishes in the dishwasher, cleans toys, but no laundry or any other type of cleaning). I have two cameras - not hidden, set up in the house. I see her playing games/texting a fair amount when the kid is awake. I'm not looking for a french immersion program for my baby or anything, but I'd like to see some structured play, reading and daily walks (weather permitting). Is that too much to ask? I try to manager her like I manage other adults in the workplace (though I know it's not exactly the same) but what I see is promises and head-nodding, but not a lot of follow through/ consistency. This past week I asked for a summary of activities and schedule, since I'm not there. I got it twice - then nothing. And she never writes anything down (which is a personal pet peeve). I'm reluctant to be too adversarial with her. She's pretty sensitive and I can be a bit harsh when annoyed, so I've been hanging back while borderline seething.

Any suggestions or sage advice to get her on a reasonable track and schedule with the baby?

[Anonymous]

If you've given her multiple warnings, I think you have your answer. This is not going to change. She is not suddenly going to become the nanny you desire, and I don't think your expectations are unreasonable. It sounds as though it is time to replace her.

[Anonymous]

She doesn't sound like she is, or wants to be a professional in this field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have employed a nanny since last fall for my infant. She gets paid on the books (now) and is putting in some overtime as I travel. For the majority of the last several months, I have been WFH. There have been weeks that I care more for the baby during the day - because I want to, snow days, etc. It's my baby, so of course it's not generally a problem.
I was also careful not to task her with responsibilities outside of her nanny role. (She washes his bottles, loads her and his dishes in the dishwasher, cleans toys, but no laundry or any other type of cleaning). I have two cameras - not hidden, set up in the house. I see her playing games/texting a fair amount when the kid is awake. I'm not looking for a french immersion program for my baby or anything, but I'd like to see some structured play, reading and daily walks (weather permitting). Is that too much to ask? I try to manager her like I manage other adults in the workplace (though I know it's not exactly the same) but what I see is promises and head-nodding, but not a lot of follow through/ consistency. This past week I asked for a summary of activities and schedule, since I'm not there. I got it twice - then nothing. And she never writes anything down (which is a personal pet peeve). I'm reluctant to be too adversarial with her. She's pretty sensitive and I can be a bit harsh when annoyed, so I've been hanging back while borderline seething.

Any suggestions or sage advice to get her on a reasonable track and schedule with the baby?

How clear have you been when you ask her to do something? In other words, when you wanted her to keep track of the schedule/activities did you say "If you could keep track of what you are doing with DC this week that would be helpful" or did you say "here is a log I'd like you to use to write down each activity and when DC eats/sleeps etc." I think you need to sit down and have a polite but clear discussion with her of exactly what you would like. If you continue to quietly seethe you're not helping her do what you want and you are just going to get more annoyed until you explode. Tell her some things you like about how she is/what she does with DC and then tell her the areas you'd like to see some improvement. Then see if she can improve. If not, you may need to start considering someone else. Playing games/texting while she is supposed to be playing with DC is presumably not what you are paying her for.

[Anonymous]

If things aren't working well with your nanny, find a new one! You gave addressed it and maybe you should address your issues sternly. Then move on. You can find someone you feel great about and shouldn't have to settle too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have employed a nanny since last fall for my infant. She gets paid on the books (now) and is putting in some overtime as I travel. For the majority of the last several months, I have been WFH. There have been weeks that I care more for the baby during the day - because I want to, snow days, etc. It's my baby, so of course it's not generally a problem.
I was also careful not to task her with responsibilities outside of her nanny role. (She washes his bottles, loads her and his dishes in the dishwasher, cleans toys, but no laundry or any other type of cleaning). I have two cameras - not hidden, set up in the house. I see her playing games/texting a fair amount when the kid is awake. I'm not looking for a french immersion program for my baby or anything, but I'd like to see some structured play, reading and daily walks (weather permitting). Is that too much to ask? I try to manager her like I manage other adults in the workplace (though I know it's not exactly the same) but what I see is promises and head-nodding, but not a lot of follow through/ consistency. This past week I asked for a summary of activities and schedule, since I'm not there. I got it twice - then nothing. And she never writes anything down (which is a personal pet peeve). I'm reluctant to be too adversarial with her. She's pretty sensitive and I can be a bit harsh when annoyed, so I've been hanging back while borderline seething.

Any suggestions or sage advice to get her on a reasonable track and schedule with the baby?

How clear have you been when you ask her to do something? In other words, when you wanted her to keep track of the schedule/activities did you say "If you could keep track of what you are doing with DC this week that would be helpful" or did you say "here is a log I'd like you to use to write down each activity and when DC eats/sleeps etc." I think you need to sit down and have a polite but clear discussion with her of exactly what you would like. If you continue to quietly seethe you're not helping her do what you want and you are just going to get more annoyed until you explode. Tell her some things you like about how she is/what she does with DC and then tell her the areas you'd like to see some improvement. Then see if she can improve. If not, you may need to start considering someone else. Playing games/texting while she is supposed to be playing with DC is presumably not what you are paying her for.

+1 to above PP

I would sit down and have a review with her where you highlight the things she does well and discuss areas where you would like to see improvement. I also suggest implementing a nanny log where she can record how her day with your child is going. Mine includes meals (time, what and how much baby ate), diaper changes (time, pee/poop, anything abnormal), nap times, and activities. Its a great way that MB, DB & I stay on the same page.

[Anonymous]

MB here. The odds of this situation improving to a point where you are happy with her performance strike me as pretty unlikely.

I think you need a new nanny.

[Anonymous]

Could she be bored? I know it's terrible but for almost a year I want able to drive my charge anywhere, and was working almost 11 hour days. I did read to him regularly and go for walks and play some but there were definitely times I was on my phone and letting him entertain himself because as an adult you get tired of playing baby games at a certain point. Being able to take him to activities had helped me and the little one out lot as far as boredom goes. As for the notes...can you print or create a daily log for her to fill out? If you like her I would consider these changes but she really might just not be a great nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for the insight and perspective. I am going to take a shot at being more of a micro-manager, starting with outlining a log. But I will keep my eyes open for other options. My baby is small, so I know things aren't as critical, but as he develops, I think the structured time will be something he will crave and need.

And for FWIW, I did do a 6 month evaluation with her, where I did the good and not so good. At that time our major issue was chronic tardiness (10-15 minutes most days), which if I wasn't WFH could have been a big deal and sometimes did impede my ability to start my day. That issue has self resolved. I just hate when people are limited in their capacity to do things. i.e., get there on time but slack off during the day. sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still employing this person? They are continually late, not doing what you ask, and ignoring your child. You don't need to manage this person, you need to fire her. Nothing is going to change no matter how much you micromanage her and she will end up resenting you for it.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old is your baby?

[Anonymous]

OP, the purpose of having a camera in the house is to make sure your child is not abused or neglected in any way. It is not there to see how much time your nanny spends playing w/your child, and how much time she spends texting people on her phone.

I am sorry to sound so harsh, but it just irks me when I see people abuse this.

If you are going to have a camera or cameras set up in the home, use them for the intended purpose please and not to micromanage.

For your other issues, I suggest you find another nanny.
It doesn't sound like a suitable fit for me.

I think it's personality differences and that you both are not suited for each other.

It doesn't mean you are a bad boss or that she is a bad nanny.
It's just that you both have your own unique ways of doing things and you both do not seem to know how to do things in a mutual and agreeable manner.

I would give her 2 weeks notice and let her know you will offer her a letter of recommendation.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the purpose of having a camera in the house is to make sure your child is not abused or neglected in any way. It is not there to see how much time your nanny spends playing w/your child, and how much time she spends texting people on her phone.

I am sorry to sound so harsh, but it just irks me when I see people abuse this.

If you are going to have a camera or cameras set up in the home, use them for the intended purpose please and not to micromanage.

For your other issues, I suggest you find another nanny.
It doesn't sound like a suitable fit for me.

I think it's personality differences and that you both are not suited for each other.

It doesn't mean you are a bad boss or that she is a bad nanny.
It's just that you both have your own unique ways of doing things and you both do not seem to know how to do things in a mutual and agreeable manner.

I would give her 2 weeks notice and let her know you will offer her a letter of recommendation.

Good luck.

I don't understand why you keep saying this. The camera can serve multiple purposes, and those purposes are at the discretion of the employer. OP checks on the cameras and she isn't liking what she sees. She has every right to say something about it. And I disagree with your final statement completely. She is being fired, not let go, and for cause. This is not a "fit" issue, this is a nanny not doing her job and OP should by no means offer a letter of recommendation for a nanny she wouldn't recommend.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, 20:45 offers some very bad advice, OP.

Cameras are used for whatever reasons the parent deems appropriate. The only "abuse" of a camera is to locate one in a bathroom or bedroom. Otherwise, OP, use your cameras as you see fit and be very wary of a nanny who suggests otherwise.

Also, if she is a bad fit, replace her. It seems strange to offer a letter of recommendation to someone you need to replace because she is not a good nanny. Yes, being late, not following your instructions, and spending time texting while your baby is awake are all signs she is not a professional nanny.

Don't settle for excuses like "personality differences". Failing to engage with your child is a basic nanny failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, 20:45 offers some very bad advice, OP.

Cameras are used for whatever reasons the parent deems appropriate. The only "abuse" of a camera is to locate one in a bathroom or bedroom. Otherwise, OP, use your cameras as you see fit and be very wary of a nanny who suggests otherwise.

Also, if she is a bad fit, replace her. It seems strange to offer a letter of recommendation to someone you need to replace because she is not a good nanny. Yes, being late, not following your instructions, and spending time texting while your baby is awake are all signs she is not a professional nanny.

Don't settle for excuses like "personality differences". Failing to engage with your child is a basic nanny failure.

I'm a nanny and I agree with this 100%. Aside from an emergency, there is no reason any nanny should text while your baby is awake.