What she does when I'm not there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have employed a nanny since last fall for my infant. She gets paid on the books (now) and is putting in some overtime as I travel. For the majority of the last several months, I have been WFH. There have been weeks that I care more for the baby during the day - because I want to, snow days, etc. It's my baby, so of course it's not generally a problem.
I was also careful not to task her with responsibilities outside of her nanny role. (She washes his bottles, loads her and his dishes in the dishwasher, cleans toys, but no laundry or any other type of cleaning). I have two cameras - not hidden, set up in the house. I see her playing games/texting a fair amount when the kid is awake. I'm not looking for a french immersion program for my baby or anything, but I'd like to see some structured play, reading and daily walks (weather permitting). Is that too much to ask? I try to manager her like I manage other adults in the workplace (though I know it's not exactly the same) but what I see is promises and head-nodding, but not a lot of follow through/ consistency. This past week I asked for a summary of activities and schedule, since I'm not there. I got it twice - then nothing. And she never writes anything down (which is a personal pet peeve). I'm reluctant to be too adversarial with her. She's pretty sensitive and I can be a bit harsh when annoyed, so I've been hanging back while borderline seething.

Any suggestions or sage advice to get her on a reasonable track and schedule with the baby?

How clear have you been when you ask her to do something? In other words, when you wanted her to keep track of the schedule/activities did you say "If you could keep track of what you are doing with DC this week that would be helpful" or did you say "here is a log I'd like you to use to write down each activity and when DC eats/sleeps etc." I think you need to sit down and have a polite but clear discussion with her of exactly what you would like. If you continue to quietly seethe you're not helping her do what you want and you are just going to get more annoyed until you explode. Tell her some things you like about how she is/what she does with DC and then tell her the areas you'd like to see some improvement. Then see if she can improve. If not, you may need to start considering someone else. Playing games/texting while she is supposed to be playing with DC is presumably not what you are paying her for.

+1 to above PP

I would sit down and have a review with her where you highlight the things she does well and discuss areas where you would like to see improvement. I also suggest implementing a nanny log where she can record how her day with your child is going. Mine includes meals (time, what and how much baby ate), diaper changes (time, pee/poop, anything abnormal), nap times, and activities. Its a great way that MB, DB & I stay on the same page.

I think you have to hire a illegal nanny,their do everything like slave,if you don't trust her live this poor nanny alone,why did you put camera? I think you make her so miserable...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your baby?

OP, you still out there?

[Anonymous]

If your baby is over 6 months old it is critical that she is being engaged during the day. She needs to be talked to and she needs to be exploring her world. This is a big deal if the nanny is not engaging your child.

[Anonymous]

"no reason any nanny should text while your baby is awake"

OK I'm not a nanny or current MB but I agree a nanny should not be texting frequently but "never" during baby's working hours is overkill. Anyone met a parent who doesn't text while their kids are 'awake'? Come on

[Anonymous]

I have to agree that a home video camera installed to film a nanny while on duty is to ensure that the child is not being abused or neglected. We have all seen those videos on T.V. where those horrid nannies are seen shaking and hitting crying infants thus why families set up these cameras.

These cameras are not to be set up so a parent can sit at their desk all day and monitor how often a nanny text messages someone or how often a nanny plays or doesn't play with their child. If a parent had time to do all of that, then what would be the purpose of going to work everyday?

[Anonymous]

"I think you have to hire a illegal nanny,their do everything like slave,if you don't trust her live this poor nanny alone,why did you put camera? I think you make her so miserable... "

Well the camera is showing OP that her employee is not doing what she is supposed to be doing. That is entirely a reasonable role for the camera particularly in a case like nannying where the employee works entirely unsupervised so that it is hard to know what she is really doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"no reason any nanny should text while your baby is awake"

OK I'm not a nanny or current MB but I agree a nanny should not be texting frequently but "never" during baby's working hours is overkill. Anyone met a parent who doesn't text while their kids are 'awake'? Come on

I am a nanny and I disagree with you. I agree with the PP nanny - aside from emergencies, there is no reason for a nanny to ever text or talk on the phone while the baby is awake and little time to do it while the baby is asleep (I have baby laundry, cleaning toys, setting up play-dates, making baby food and cleaning up afterwards, cleaning baby's bathroom, etc. to do when the baby is asleep - I do not have the time to text!) It doesn't matter what the parents do - we aren't substitute parents - we are teachers and caregivers and should act professionally/responsibly. Caring for children is our job and unless the texting is related to childcare, it has no place in our work hours. Limit texting and phone calls to your lunch break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"no reason any nanny should text while your baby is awake"

OK I'm not a nanny or current MB but I agree a nanny should not be texting frequently but "never" during baby's working hours is overkill. Anyone met a parent who doesn't text while their kids are 'awake'? Come on

I am a nanny and I disagree with you. I agree with the PP nanny - aside from emergencies, there is no reason for a nanny to ever text or talk on the phone while the baby is awake and little time to do it while the baby is asleep (I have baby laundry, cleaning toys, setting up play-dates, making baby food and cleaning up afterwards, cleaning baby's bathroom, etc. to do when the baby is asleep - I do not have the time to text!) It doesn't matter what the parents do - we aren't substitute parents - we are teachers and caregivers and should act professionally/responsibly. Caring for children is our job and unless the texting is related to childcare, it has no place in our work hours. Limit texting and phone calls to your lunch break.

NP poster and I agree that this is overkill. A child will not wilt because the attention isn't on them for two seconds. We are raising a generation of kids that don't know what to do without a screen or someone in their face entertaining them. A nanny can be professional and send a text here and there, to her employers or otherwise. If I don't check my phone now and then (because it is not on my person constantly) how I would I see my MBs texts? Acting professionally doesn't mean never ever doing anything not related to your job. No one is on 100% of the time and that is an unrealistic expectation to set, and you will drive yourself crazy if that is the standard you hold for yourself. This is not to excuse OPs nanny's behavior, which is beyond every once in a while, and on a level OP is uncomfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"no reason any nanny should text while your baby is awake"

OK I'm not a nanny or current MB but I agree a nanny should not be texting frequently but "never" during baby's working hours is overkill. Anyone met a parent who doesn't text while their kids are 'awake'? Come on

I am a nanny and I disagree with you. I agree with the PP nanny - aside from emergencies, there is no reason for a nanny to ever text or talk on the phone while the baby is awake and little time to do it while the baby is asleep (I have baby laundry, cleaning toys, setting up play-dates, making baby food and cleaning up afterwards, cleaning baby's bathroom, etc. to do when the baby is asleep - I do not have the time to text!) It doesn't matter what the parents do - we aren't substitute parents - we are teachers and caregivers and should act professionally/responsibly. Caring for children is our job and unless the texting is related to childcare, it has no place in our work hours. Limit texting and phone calls to your lunch break.

NP poster and I agree that this is overkill. A child will not wilt because the attention isn't on them for two seconds. We are raising a generation of kids that don't know what to do without a screen or someone in their face entertaining them. A nanny can be professional and send a text here and there, to her employers or otherwise. If I don't check my phone now and then (because it is not on my person constantly) how I would I see my MBs texts? Acting professionally doesn't mean never ever doing anything not related to your job. No one is on 100% of the time and that is an unrealistic expectation to set, and you will drive yourself crazy if that is the standard you hold for yourself. This is not to excuse OPs nanny's behavior, which is beyond every once in a while, and on a level OP is uncomfortable with.

This is just my opinion, NP, and how I handle my career as a nanny. Yes, I text and return calls to my employers and other parents/nannies for play-dates but that is it. I was a kindergarten teacher prior to becoming a nanny and would never have even thought of texting or answering a text while I was in my classroom whether the kids were doing "seat-work", resting, or in recess. I have the same self-expectation in my job as a nanny. I do have my phone on me at all times as my employers don't have a land-line. On this, I am 100% and feel very strongly about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"no reason any nanny should text while your baby is awake"

OK I'm not a nanny or current MB but I agree a nanny should not be texting frequently but "never" during baby's working hours is overkill. Anyone met a parent who doesn't text while their kids are 'awake'? Come on

I am a nanny and I disagree with you. I agree with the PP nanny - aside from emergencies, there is no reason for a nanny to ever text or talk on the phone while the baby is awake and little time to do it while the baby is asleep (I have baby laundry, cleaning toys, setting up play-dates, making baby food and cleaning up afterwards, cleaning baby's bathroom, etc. to do when the baby is asleep - I do not have the time to text!) It doesn't matter what the parents do - we aren't substitute parents - we are teachers and caregivers and should act professionally/responsibly. Caring for children is our job and unless the texting is related to childcare, it has no place in our work hours. Limit texting and phone calls to your lunch break.

NP poster and I agree that this is overkill. A child will not wilt because the attention isn't on them for two seconds. We are raising a generation of kids that don't know what to do without a screen or someone in their face entertaining them. A nanny can be professional and send a text here and there, to her employers or otherwise. If I don't check my phone now and then (because it is not on my person constantly) how I would I see my MBs texts? Acting professionally doesn't mean never ever doing anything not related to your job. No one is on 100% of the time and that is an unrealistic expectation to set, and you will drive yourself crazy if that is the standard you hold for yourself. This is not to excuse OPs nanny's behavior, which is beyond every once in a while, and on a level OP is uncomfortable with.

Same non-texting nanny again - and, yes, I do strongly believe in independent play and not providing constant narration or engaged play. You're right - it is very important that even a six-month-old learns to entertain him or herself. However, when my charge is doing his independent play, I am doing other related childcare work in his room or sometimes watching him from the doorway (where he can't see me) to note his progress on his own.

Again, this is just me. I might be more strident than others on this issue but it is how I honestly feel.

[Anonymous]

OP here. - Sorry, I didn't come back the other day.


My baby is almost a year. She's been with him since around 4 months. Though this is the longest stretch of day to day solo care for her with him. To address a couple of things that were brought up. I have the cameras for the purpose of making sure he's being properly cared for. Not to invade her privacy or stalk her. I probably check the cameras a couple of times a week. My husband works from home sometimes, my parents stop by intermittently and unexpectedly, so I feel I'm covered for anything that may be off with the care. A couple of things about my child's behavioral patterns: He doesn't like to engage with others that much when playing in his 'zone'. Whether it's us, the nanny or other small kids, if he has a toy and is engrossed, if you attempt to intervene or change course, he will many times abandon the toy and go to something else. I had a little bit of a hard time accepting that he may desire 'alone' time like real people do, but it seems to be the case, at least right now. So, there are often times that I will let him play/crawl around while I fold laundry or do something else. I'm fine with that for her and us. But I try not to do any screen time when he's on the loose, because I think it's too easy to get distracted keeping me from providing proper supervision.

So I guess I have a problem with the game playing/texting more than maybe I'd have a problem with her reading...Sounds kinda petty.

She is extremely loving with him (as witnessed on the video) and he adores her. I want to trust her to be a responsible adult, but she does need more guidance. FWIW, I have gotten ZERO of those daily updates I requested so far this week....I'll take care of that tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Maybe make up a spread-sheet type log with some of the activities you'd like to see her do on it: reading, structured play, outings, etc..

Frankly, though, by a year old, babies are VERY interactive. There's so much you can do with them. She doesn't seem very clued in.

[Anonymous]

Tell her if X, Y, and Z aren't happening 2-3 times per week, she's out in 2 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have employed a nanny since last fall for my infant. She gets paid on the books (now) and is putting in some overtime as I travel. For the majority of the last several months, I have been WFH. There have been weeks that I care more for the baby during the day - because I want to, snow days, etc. It's my baby, so of course it's not generally a problem.
I was also careful not to task her with responsibilities outside of her nanny role. (She washes his bottles, loads her and his dishes in the dishwasher, cleans toys, but no laundry or any other type of cleaning). I have two cameras - not hidden, set up in the house. I see her playing games/texting a fair amount when the kid is awake. I'm not looking for a french immersion program for my baby or anything, but I'd like to see some structured play, reading and daily walks (weather permitting). Is that too much to ask? I try to manager her like I manage other adults in the workplace (though I know it's not exactly the same) but what I see is promises and head-nodding, but not a lot of follow through/ consistency. This past week I asked for a summary of activities and schedule, since I'm not there. I got it twice - then nothing. And she never writes anything down (which is a personal pet peeve). I'm reluctant to be too adversarial with her. She's pretty sensitive and I can be a bit harsh when annoyed, so I've been hanging back while borderline seething.

Any suggestions or sage advice to get her on a reasonable track and schedule with the baby?

You're right OP, it is not the same. Period. You cannot compare her to your other employees because this dynamic is so much different than any corporation.

It bothers me that you have cameras set up and that you watch and evaluate her often. She probably assumes since you have the cameras and are watching her all day, then she doesn't need to give you a summary of activities and schedule. It sounds to me like you want a detailed business report. Again, you cannot run her like you run your other employees OP. Not the same dynamic. Why should she write anything down? Isn't everything on tape anyway? I don't get it.

It seems you want everything...You want your baby stimulated which is reasonable. You want your nanny up to par continuously which she must be (ask anyone being video taped all the time on the job being scrutinized by their boss at all times) and you want a full-on daily report of everything at day's end. I hope you are paying her a pretty penny for all of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, 20:45 offers some very bad advice, OP.

Cameras are used for whatever reasons the parent deems appropriate. The only "abuse" of a camera is to locate one in a bathroom or bedroom. Otherwise, OP, use your cameras as you see fit and be very wary of a nanny who suggests otherwise.

Also, if she is a bad fit, replace her. It seems strange to offer a letter of recommendation to someone you need to replace because she is not a good nanny. Yes, being late, not following your instructions, and spending time texting while your baby is awake are all signs she is not a professional nanny.

Don't settle for excuses like "personality differences". Failing to engage with your child is a basic nanny failure.

I'm a nanny and I agree with this 100%. Aside from an emergency, there is no reason any nanny should text while your baby is awake.

I work with 10+ families in my off hours and frequently contacted via text for same day care. I'm always going to respond and wouldn't work for a family that would not let me, especially considering they text me in my off hours as well.