Work from home mom

[Anonymous]

I have been working with my current family for only 8 months now as their full-time nanny. During the interview process I was told that the mom would be working from home Tuesdays/Thursdays until the end of the year (I started in July). Currently, that schedule has not changed and mom will occasionally work from home 3 days out of the week. This has made my job difficult because the baby who is almost 11 months is at the stage where she is upset every time mom walks out of the room which is often and I'm left to calm her down. This morning the 3 year old was acting up and he snatched a toy from his baby sister and I calmly explained to him that he can't do that and asked him to give the toy back. He flipped out crying and within seconds mom was upstairs as if there were a fire. This also happens a lot where mom comes in when I am trying to handle a situation. I have been a nanny for 5 years and in truth I don't know how to approach mom about my concerns without her feeling she needs to replace me or get offended. I want to express my concerns without making it seem that I don't want her around as I understand this may raise red flags if a nanny says to employers I don't want you around. I would appreciate any parent feedback or hear from nannies who have been in a similar situation.

[Anonymous]

So sorry op. parents at home is an awful situation. I've been lucky in the past of having understanding parents who basically hide from their child in an office during the day and then maybe around 4 pm let me go early and take the child to the park or on an outing. The toddler at the time never new the mom was even home.

[Anonymous]

If you can't build or develop a relationship with the mother such that you and she can talk about things like this then you need to find another position.

[Anonymous]

You need to speak with the mother and make it clear that during work hours, she needs to make herself scarce. While it is obviously beneficial to you if she isn't around as much, it is mostly for the child. The children will obviously be confused about who is in charge, what their schedule will be like, etc. Children need routine and having a mom pop in whenever she feels like it will hurt everybody in the long run

[Anonymous]

The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.

[Anonymous]

I work from home. I have three kids. If I hear one of them screaming bloody murder, I let it go for a few minutes, then I usually go downstairs to see if the nanny would like some help while she deals with the situation. I let it go longer with the older two, but not so long with the baby (she's breastfeeding, so often that's the answer anyway).

We've talked about this, and she will text me if she REALLY needs help, but she usually seems grateful when I come down. The kids are fine when I leave, though. It's their regular routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.

Having a parent home that a child can not see or spend time with is torture to a child. Basically child abuse. My mom hates me so much that she will only check on me if I cry. So I cry and make everyone around me miserable. The mindset of a 4 yr old. I have no issue if a parent is home. But know your place. Thankfully most do. And the whole nanny is sleeping, having friends over, on the phone the whole time . Really yes I talk more and text more when the parents are gone. But sleep and have people over that's not the norm pretty extreme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.

Having a parent home that a child can not see or spend time with is torture to a child. Basically child abuse. My mom hates me so much that she will only check on me if I cry. So I cry and make everyone around me miserable. The mindset of a 4 yr old. I have no issue if a parent is home. But know your place. Thankfully most do. And the whole nanny is sleeping, having friends over, on the phone the whole time . Really yes I talk more and text more when the parents are gone. But sleep and have people over that's not the norm pretty extreme.

Not the PP you are responding but it is not true that having a parent at home is torture for a child, especially an older child, or that it is child abuse. That is so ridiculous I don't even know how to respond.

OP - your issue is not that your MB works from home but that it doesn't sound like you are on the same page. I work from home one day a week. I usually lock myself into the study but DC (2.5) is welcome to visit me briefly if I am not on the phone. He knows he knocks, he comes and gets a hug or a cuddle or whatever he needs at that moment, and then he and his nanny go off to do whatever they were doing. I do take breaks to be with them. I try to identify in advance for DC when I will take a break, so he knows I will either join him for lunch, or read him a pre-nap story or whatever. He does sometimes melt down when I leave, but I don't usually just run out of the room. Usually his nanny and I transition him together into whatever he's doing next - I help put his shoes on and they go to the park, or I sit with him while she prepares the snack and then, oh look, here she is to have snack with you! It has worked well for us. And sometimes I do come running when he cries but it's usually to kiss a boo boo. He doesn't typically get upset with her and come running to me because she and I have the same rules. If I come down and she has put him in a time out, he has to wait till it's over for a hug, etc.

I'd have a conversation with your MB about your issues in those terms. I agree with a PP that telling her to make herself scarce or complaining that she is home is going to raise red flags - it would for me too. Instead I would identify concrete problems and ask her how she'd like you to handle them - and also offer specific solutions and suggestions. If she's totally resistant to helping figure things out, it may be time to move on. But I think most reasonable parents are happy to come up with reasonable solutions when problems are presented in a thoughtful and mature way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.

You are precisely the kind of parent no nanny wants to work for. Your generalized contempt for all nannies is all over your post. If this is what you think of all nannies, you really ought to consider other childcare solutions. Its not healthy to cycle through caregivers like a pair of socks, which I'm sure is exactly what you're doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.

Having a parent home that a child can not see or spend time with is torture to a child. Basically child abuse. My mom hates me so much that she will only check on me if I cry. So I cry and make everyone around me miserable. The mindset of a 4 yr old. I have no issue if a parent is home. But know your place. Thankfully most do. And the whole nanny is sleeping, having friends over, on the phone the whole time . Really yes I talk more and text more when the parents are gone. But sleep and have people over that's not the norm pretty extreme.

Your post doesn't make any sense. It's absurd to say that having a parent home is torture or child abuse. With that said though I don't agree with the first PP either. I'm an MB who sometimes works from home and I do everything I can to stay out of the way. When the nanny comes I say goodbye to the children as if I was leaving to go to work but instead I'm going upstairs. If I need to come downstairs for something I try to do it when they are in another room or when they leave the house so they don't see me. If I absolutely can't wait then I come in and out quickly and if the children ask me for something I tell them to ask the nanny. If someone cries I let her handle it because I know that she is perfectly capable of dealing with it and comforting them. It won't help to have me swooping in and taking over just to leave again.

OP, I'm sorry you have to deal with this but it could be that MB just doesn't realize the problems this is causing. When you talk to her I would approach it from the standpoint of what is better for the children, not that it's difficult for you. I think that would probably go over better. Try to come up with a thoughtful plan but don't suggest she stay away completely. Maybe something like she can come in when they are having lunch to spend time with them but when lunch is over she goes back to work as the children move on to the next activity. Be prepared though that she might not respond well and may just want a nanny who doesn't care how often she comes in. In that case you may be better moving on anyway. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm the one who posted above that I work from home with 3 kids).

Maybe my kids just don't like me that much, but they don't seem to mind when I leave, however often I come down. They really like their nanny, and she does fun things with them all day long. I just work. We get a couple of hours of together time early in the morning before she gets here, and then they're perfectly happy to go play with her.

Again, this is just the way it's always been for them. OP, I think the child will adjust, and so will MB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.



You are precisely the kind of parent no nanny wants to work for. Your generalized contempt for all nannies is all over your post. If this is what you think of all nannies, you really ought to consider other childcare solutions. Its not healthy to cycle through caregivers like a pair of socks, which I'm sure is exactly what you're doing.

NP here and you are really off your meds, immediate PP. The poster you're bullying had not expressed any contempt for nannies and your suggestion that they cycle through caregivers is both odd and presumptive.

So, you have a personal issue with working with parents who work at home. Fine. But own it as your issue and stop with trying to make it a legit issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.



You are precisely the kind of parent no nanny wants to work for. Your generalized contempt for all nannies is all over your post. If this is what you think of all nannies, you really ought to consider other childcare solutions. Its not healthy to cycle through caregivers like a pair of socks, which I'm sure is exactly what you're doing.

NP here and you are really off your meds, immediate PP. The poster you're bullying had not expressed any contempt for nannies and your suggestion that they cycle through caregivers is both odd and presumptive.

So, you have a personal issue with working with parents who work at home. Fine. But own it as your issue and stop with trying to make it a legit issue.

Her post was dripping with contemptuous generalizations. You don't understand what contempt or bullying are, clearly. And I said nothing about work at home parents. I really don't care. I commented on that particular poster's attitude toward nannies in general, and stated that if that is how she views us as a whole, she'd be better off going with another option. Do people who hate driving buy sports cars? Do people who fear water buy boats? She doesn't like nannies or at least she thinks very little of us, so why oh why do you employ one? She likely is cycling through caregivers, and that truly isn't healthy for her kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.

Having a parent home that a child can not see or spend time with is torture to a child. Basically child abuse. My mom hates me so much that she will only check on me if I cry. So I cry and make everyone around me miserable. The mindset of a 4 yr old. I have no issue if a parent is home. But know your place. Thankfully most do. And the whole nanny is sleeping, having friends over, on the phone the whole time . Really yes I talk more and text more when the parents are gone. But sleep and have people over that's not the norm pretty extreme.

Sorry, nanny, but the MBs place in her own home and with respect to her own children is wherever she damn well wants to be. Actually, it sounds like you are having a little trouble learning your place.

As for the idea that having a parent working from home is child abuse, that is simply another nonsense moronic argument from a nanny who resents having to be on her toes while she is, um, working. Most kids with WAHPs learn pretty quickly that mom might pop downstairs for lunch with the kids but nanny is in charge. Mine never had an issue with this, because for them, it was (and is) normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The OP probably has a job because the mom works from home, so the idea that the mom is going to "make herself scarce" to make the nanny more comfortable is absurd.
Many of the nannies here have the idea that there should be no challenges in a job other than those the child presents. Nowhere is it written than nannies are to be purely autonomous employees who do not have to be considerate of the parents when they are present.
It honestly does raise red flags to me when so many nannies have this attitude that if a parent dares to be present, then the job is suddenly a nightmare. WTF? It definitely makes me think that the concern for the child is feigned, when so few people ask how to make it easier on the child, but rather, how to make it easier on the nanny by removing the parent. OP needs to be able to communicate her concerns with the parent, and come to a conclusion about how to handle it together. The answer is not going to be for the mom to say, "well let me just leave and not see my children all day, despite the fact that I chose a career that allows me to work from home for the very reason that I can see and participate in my children's lives during the day.... because that makes it so much easier and convenient for you nanny"
Sure, I can understand why some nannies shy away from these positions. Most people would love a job that involves no interaction with a boss or supervisor where you can spend your day on your cell phone, looking at your lap top, reading books, sleeping on the couch, having friends over etc.... But when you did not apply for and accept a job where the mom works exclusively out of the home, you can not expect to then make it such after you start working.



You are precisely the kind of parent no nanny wants to work for. Your generalized contempt for all nannies is all over your post. If this is what you think of all nannies, you really ought to consider other childcare solutions. Its not healthy to cycle through caregivers like a pair of socks, which I'm sure is exactly what you're doing.

NP here and you are really off your meds, immediate PP. The poster you're bullying had not expressed any contempt for nannies and your suggestion that they cycle through caregivers is both odd and presumptive.

So, you have a personal issue with working with parents who work at home. Fine. But own it as your issue and stop with trying to make it a legit issue.

Her post was dripping with contemptuous generalizations. You don't understand what contempt or bullying are, clearly. And I said nothing about work at home parents. I really don't care. I commented on that particular poster's attitude toward nannies in general, and stated that if that is how she views us as a whole, she'd be better off going with another option. Do people who hate driving buy sports cars? Do people who fear water buy boats? She doesn't like nannies or at least she thinks very little of us, so why oh why do you employ one? She likely is cycling through caregivers, and that truly isn't healthy for her kid.

I'm a PP who disagreed with this MBs post but I think you are wrong about her contempt for nannies. I didn't get that at all from her post. I think you are being overly sensitive about this.