Death in Nanny's Family

[Anonymous]

Nanny has already taken 4 weeks vacation and 5 sick days paid. She has also been paid off an additional two weeks while we have been out of town-- so total this year has been 7 weeks. She just told me this morning that her aunt (who has been ill for a long time) died-- she asked to go home early today (paid of course) but not for additional days off and I didn't offer. Do MBs give additional paid time off for the death of a close relative? I know that she wanted me to offer to stay home with the kids tomorrow- or offer additional paid time off-- but I just think that she has already chosen to use all her generous leave- and I shouldn't have to deal with a temp nanny any more this year-- right?

[Anonymous]

When I lost a close relative earlier this year, I was given the rest of the day off, as well as a later day off to travel home for the funeral. Neither of these days were deducted from my annual leave. I also returned to work to a card from the family, and homemade cookies. I was extremely touched. When it comes to things like this, sensitivity and generosity are the way to go. Give her the time she needs and talk about leave later. Maybe she makes up the time, maybe she goes without pay, but give her a chance to grieve.

[Anonymous]

One day you will need someone to go above and beyond for you. Karma is a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your nanny should have planned the death of a family member better, so as not to inconvenience you. Smh

[Anonymous]

OP here- No- that is the thing, I feel like I always am going above and beyond-- high pay, days off-- never deducting pay for early afternoons for dr appointments, late arrivals (she is late ALL the time)-- giving days off if I don't have to work. I think that it is starting to feel like it is always something. Her mother died last month and we gave her a week off paid and a few more days when she didn't feel up to working. Are all the MBs out there giving out weeks of paid time off for things like this? I want to be considerate- but at what point is it too much?

[Anonymous]

Well how dare she inconvenience you with two deaths in her family in such a short time. I mean really!! She should have saved her vacation time.

Not only should her time off be unpaid, while you're at it you might as well tell her she can't go to the funeral. Why should you have to deal with a temp nanny because she's had a death in the family... right?

OP, if she doesn't have time in her contract for doctor's appointments then dock the time. Of course you should be docking her pay for showing up late. You let those go on and then complain when someone dies???

[Anonymous]

No- I am not complaining that someone died-- and if she asks for time off- I will certainly give her time off. I am just considering not OFFERING paid time off. I would not get time off if an aunt died- and so I keep vacation days and sick days for just such an occasion. She told me she was not going to the funeral because it is a long way to travel for the funeral.

[Anonymous]

MB here. I agree with many posters that erring on the side of generosity and kindness is a good policy, but it also sounds like you really have gone above and beyond already. Deaths and the like can't be planned, but chronic lateness - in a work setting where significant consideration has been extended for leave and vacation - would be a red flag for me.

Also, it sounds like you've been doing things that are catching up with you (not tracking leave for doctor's appts, etc...) so you need to reset that presumption w/ this nanny or handle it a little more proactively with the next nanny.

You may be beyond the point of no return with this relationship, perhaps in part because the nanny has abused her privileges, and perhaps in part because you could have handled it better/more cleanly from the beginning.

I don't condemn you as quickly as some of the other posters have, but this may be a difficult lesson to learn as an employer.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

This is why it's important to hire nannies whose entire families are already dead. Just kidding!

An aunt is not an immediate family member. She's already used up all her paid time off. So if she asks for any time off for the funeral of a non-immediate family member it would have to be unpaid.

For comparison, OP, our manny has been with us for 20 months. He gets two weeks paid vacation, one of his choice, one of our choice (we generally give him a choice of three different weeks). We give two paid days off for the death of an immediate family member - in his case that's parents, grandparents or siblings.

I would not give paid time off for the funeral of an aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why it's important to hire nannies whose entire families are already dead. Just kidding!

An aunt is not an immediate family member. She's already used up all her paid time off. So if she asks for any time off for the funeral of a non-immediate family member it would have to be unpaid.

For comparison, OP, our manny has been with us for 20 months. He gets two weeks paid vacation, one of his choice, one of our choice (we generally give him a choice of three different weeks). We give two paid days off for the death of an immediate family member - in his case that's parents, grandparents or siblings.

I would not give paid time off for the funeral of an aunt.

Okay, now you’re just being silly.

[Anonymous]

Her mother and her aunt died within a month of one another that is tragic. I understand that she has used a lot of vacation time and that you have been generous. But she is going through so much right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her mother and her aunt died within a month of one another that is tragic. I understand that she has used a lot of vacation time and that you have been generous. But she is going through so much right now.

That's my thinking too. The dr's appointments and late arrivals are on both of your shoulders. If you are now resenting allowing her paid appointment time, it shouldn't have been allowed. Letting late arrivals slide is a bad thing all around. Would you feel differently about this if those two things weren't happening?

I'm also curious about the days she has off because you're home. Is that your suggestion, or does she ask? If you suggest it, you can't hold it against her now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why it's important to hire nannies whose entire families are already dead. Just kidding!

An aunt is not an immediate family member. She's already used up all her paid time off. So if she asks for any time off for the funeral of a non-immediate family member it would have to be unpaid.

For comparison, OP, our manny has been with us for 20 months. He gets two weeks paid vacation, one of his choice, one of our choice (we generally give him a choice of three different weeks). We give two paid days off for the death of an immediate family member - in his case that's parents, grandparents or siblings.

I would not give paid time off for the funeral of an aunt.

Okay, now you’re just being silly.

Irrelevant. Stop. Just stop. You’re wrong about this. So, so wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP she's going to want to go to the funeral/wake which might be during working hours so no, i wouldn't.

DONT GIVE ANYMORE PAID DAYS OFF!! It will be expected after a while.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it is time to start treating your nanny like a grownup with a job. Grownups know they need to save some paid leave for emergencies, illnesses, etc. If they work on an hourly basis, they don't expect to get paid for hours spent not working once they've exhausted their paid leave. If they work on salary, they expect to make up the work missed due to doctor's appointments and the like during alternative hours.

You said that the aunt has been sick for some time, so in this case, the nanny had even more reason than usual to plan ahead and save some of her leave, just in case.

Give her the time off, of course, because it would be cruel not to. However, there is no reason for you to pay her for the time off if she has already exhausted her very generous leave. If you want to be extra accommodating, you could give her the opportunity to make up the hours at another time that works for you (date nights or whatever).

I am amazed by some of the responses to your question. Why the hell do nannies feel entitled to endless perks and accommodations that even their employers don't get at their own jobs? If the MB's aunt died after a long illness, does anyone think for a minute that the nanny would offer to work extra and without pay (a few unpaid overnights, for example) so the MB could travel to the funeral without the kids?