Death in Nanny's Family

[Anonymous]

You guys are being harsh to OP. She seems pretty generous with the extra days off. Of course a death is not expected but in reality if you are hired for a job and keep asking for days off it's an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP, your nanny already has an extremely generous paid time off benefit. I might actually suggest using this as an opportunity to discuss further requests for paid time off. I wouldn't just ignore it and hope she doesn't ask.

"Nanny, I'm truly sorry to hear about your aunt. I'm happy to stay home with the kids tomorrow so that you can go the funeral. However, we really need to talk about paid time off. I understand that things come up, but you have already exhausted the five weeks off that we agreed I would pay for. Additionally, I have approved extra paid time off X number of times when you have requested part of the day off. At this point, I understand if you want to take a day off for the funeral, but please understand that it will be unpaid. Additionally, any time requested through the end of the year will also be unpaid. Thank you for understanding my wish to honor our original contract."

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses. There was never a question of NOT giving her any time off that she asks for-- she always has an option of taking unpaid leave. I was just unsure about offering paid time off, not to attend the funeral (because she says she is not going), but just to not work and stay home. I agree that it is time to really discuss the fact that I feel like I have been very lenient regarding days off, extra time off, etc. I am really trying to be understanding and flexible- but am starting to feel taken advantage of and need to communicate that being asked to rearrange our schedules two to three times a month is taxing and difficult. I think it is bad timing that this seems to be the straw that broke the camels back regarding paid time off......

[Anonymous]

OP, your nanny already has an extremely generous paid time off benefit. I might actually suggest using this as an opportunity to discuss further requests for paid time off. I wouldn't just ignore it and hope she doesn't ask.

"Nanny, I'm truly sorry to hear about your aunt. I'm happy to stay home with the kids tomorrow so that you can go the funeral. However, we really need to talk about paid time off. I understand that things come up, but you have already exhausted the five weeks off that we agreed I would pay for. Additionally, I have approved extra paid time off X number of times when you have requested part of the day off. At this point, I understand if you want to take a day off for the funeral, but please understand that it will be unpaid. Additionally, any time requested through the end of the year will also be unpaid. Thank you for understanding my wish to honor our original contract."

I agree with this poster. Definitely allow the time off, but specify it will be unpaid and speak to her about future time off.

And yes, OP's nanny should definitely saved up some vacation days for an emergency. That's what most of us do at our jobs.

[Anonymous]

She's not even going to the funeral, OP? Then why does she need time off?

It does sound like you're being taken advantage of. Is this nanny stellar in other ways? If not, you might need to change nannies. Rearranging your schedule two or three times a month sounds like a deal breaker to me.

[Anonymous]

Yes the nanny has had generous time off. OP has allowed that, though. Give her a few days to recover from her recent loss. When she's more back to herself, sit down and discuss time off and how it needs to be handled. Suggest that she save a few vacation days in case of emergency for example. If your contract doesn't allow paid time for appointments, don't give her paid time for appointments. Always, always dock for her being late. I would also address that issue and make sure she takes it seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the responses. There was never a question of NOT giving her any time off that she asks for-- she always has an option of taking unpaid leave. I was just unsure about offering paid time off, not to attend the funeral (because she says she is not going), but just to not work and stay home. I agree that it is time to really discuss the fact that I feel like I have been very lenient regarding days off, extra time off, etc. I am really trying to be understanding and flexible- but am starting to feel taken advantage of and need to communicate that being asked to rearrange our schedules two to three times a month is taxing and difficult. I think it is bad timing that this seems to be the straw that broke the camels back regarding paid time off......

Wait, she's not even going to the funeral? So she's not upset enough to go to the funeral, but she is upset enough that she needs time off to sit at home? You're being taken advantage of OP. You were too lenient in the past and now she thinks it's ok.

[Anonymous]

You were too lenient in the past and now she thinks it's ok.

This is what it sounds like to me, too.

[Anonymous]

Another nanny who is taking advantage of her employer. If she takes anymore time off from work, let her know it will be unpaid.

[Anonymous]

+1 to 10:11. She should have saved some vacation if a close relative was ill. That said most companies' bereavement policies do not cover aunts. Mine covers only parents, sibling, I think grandparents and I would guess a child. Does not even cover in-law versions of those categories although it is not too reasonable to expect your spouse to go without you to say your MIL's funeral.

[Anonymous]

It could be that the death of this aunt, (even if she wasn't close to her) might of hit her hard as its happened so close to her mum dying.
You don't need to pay her to sit at home though

[Anonymous]

I get the feeling your nanny is taking full advantage of your kindness OP.

You have been more than generous w/her so far and while I sympathize w/her dilemma, I would not pay her anymore.
She can have the time off and keep her job, but no more paid unworked hours.

She sounds greedy to me.....

[Anonymous]

It took 3 nannies before I learned to be consistent about using PTO and documenting on the payslip how much was left. As a human being, I know it sucks if she's used up all her PTO for personal emergencies, but I give a generous amount, and it's what I can afford to cover. Once I started giving additional paid days/half days to my first two nannies, it was hard to ever ask them to use thrir PTO without feeling like a bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why it's important to hire nannies whose entire families are already dead. Just kidding!

An aunt is not an immediate family member. She's already used up all her paid time off. So if she asks for any time off for the funeral of a non-immediate family member it would have to be unpaid.

For comparison, OP, our manny has been with us for 20 months. He gets two weeks paid vacation, one of his choice, one of our choice (we generally give him a choice of three different weeks). We give two paid days off for the death of an immediate family member - in his case that's parents, grandparents or siblings.

I would not give paid time off for the funeral of an aunt.

+1 I wouldn't either, and neither would the company I work for. Standard business practice is immediate family only, vacation or unpaid leave for all others.

[Anonymous]

I'm a former nanny and I think paying her for more time off is crazy. I work for a resort company now and I have a set number of paid bereavement days. Beyond those I can use my PTO. Nannies have an odd sense of entitlement.