This forum scares me...

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I'm a SAHM of a baby and am probably going to try to go back to work sometime in the next year. While it is not set in stone yet, as details come out, it is become a stronger and stronger possibility. DH and I would be able to pay on the higher end (at least according to this boards) and with DH's work schedule being strictly 8:30-6:30 (including commute) and mine being 7-4ish, we would only need a nanny for 40 hours a week and would seldom, if ever, need overtime. Now, the more I read some of these threads, the more scared I am of hiring a nanny. There are some great nannies who post on here, but I'm scared of getting the ones who bad mouth me behind my back, or who think I'm not involved in my kid's life, etc etc. Plus, I feel like as a first time MB, I'll probably make mistakes and then my nanny will think I'm the biggest bitch in the world. I don't know. DH and I were discussing it over dinner last night and I've realized how much this forum has made me second guess whether or not we should get a nanny. So nannies and MBs, please tell me that this forum isn't nearly as bad as it comes across and that you are happy with your arrangements!! I'd much rather DS have a nanny and have the one on one experience as well as have someone who truly cares about him during those 40 hours.

[Anonymous]

Honest question: have you spent much time in the main forum? If you have, you know that the nastiness is not unique to the nanny forum. What I mean is, there are always jerks that come out in an anonymous forum, and I wouldn't judge an entire industry on a few crazies active here.

A couple of truths for you:
You will make misstep, and so will she

You will not always love her or everything she does

She will not always love everything you do, and she will flat out disagree/dislike some of your decisions, but hopefully she will respect your wishes anyway

She will not think you're perfect, and everyone vents about their boss. If you can't handle that, never become an employer.

Its really not as bad or as difficult as it seems here, as you really only see everyone's complaints. I have a wonderful relationship with my employers, we drafted a work agreement and made clear expectations upfront, and things have gone so smoothly we literally NEVER look at it. Be clear, be fair, and be realistic, and you'll be fine. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I'm a SAHM of a baby and am probably going to try to go back to work sometime in the next year. While it is not set in stone yet, as details come out, it is become a stronger and stronger possibility. DH and I would be able to pay on the higher end (at least according to this boards) and with DH's work schedule being strictly 8:30-6:30 (including commute) and mine being 7-4ish, we would only need a nanny for 40 hours a week and would seldom, if ever, need overtime. Now, the more I read some of these threads, the more scared I am of hiring a nanny. There are some great nannies who post on here, but I'm scared of getting the ones who bad mouth me behind my back, or who think I'm not involved in my kid's life, etc etc. Plus, I feel like as a first time MB, I'll probably make mistakes and then my nanny will think I'm the biggest bitch in the world. I don't know. DH and I were discussing it over dinner last night and I've realized how much this forum has made me second guess whether or not we should get a nanny. So nannies and MBs, please tell me that this forum isn't nearly as bad as it comes across and that you are happy with your arrangements!! I'd much rather DS have a nanny and have the one on one experience as well as have someone who truly cares about him during those 40 hours.

And why are you here?

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP, you are totally right about the main forum! I need to keep that in mind since sometimes my industry gets bashed and I'm not like the ones people complain about!

To the other PP, I learned about the possibility of going back to work a couple of months ago when I was approached by the head of a hospital to work in the new ICU that they are building. I started lurking here to get some ideas of how nanny pay/benefits/etc., went, because as soon as the job is confirmed, we will have to find a nanny fairly quickly. So, I wanted to have all my ducks in a row with what kind of package should be offered, how we would work out hours/duties. Won't have time to do that as soon as the offer has been made.

And since I've been an addict of the regular forum for years, it wasn't a big jump to make my way over here to see how everything works.

[Anonymous]

Equating the bad experiences on this board with nannies all over the country (or world) is akin to equating the daycare horrors with the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equating the bad experiences on this board with nannies all over the country (or world) is akin to equating the daycare horrors with the same.

I think this has to be true.

OP, I'm an MB. If I'd read these messages before I hired my nanny I'd be terrified also. But I went in happily oblivious to this level of discontent and I had a great experience. I had really strong applicants, competitive rates, and good options to choose from. The nanny we hired is going into her third year with us and she has been fantastic.

It is a hard thing to do well - it's a very personal relationship, and fraught with opportunities for hurt feelings, misunderstandings, mistakes (FTM - oy, the guilt and second guessing), etc... But in my experience all the nannies I interviewed, and the ones I've met in the couple of years since (nannies of friends, in the neighborhood, etc...) have been responsible caring people.

Learn as much as you can before you start interviewing, use all available networks (this, care.com, agencies if you like, parenting groups, any social groups, listservs, church or other similar networks, etc...) and trust your instincts. It will be ok!!!

[Anonymous]

I'm a live in and I've lived with my current family for almost three years. Great relationship with MB and DB, great bond with my charge..all around great experience.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have an amazing nanny, good communication, total trust and reasonable expectations of each other. I do not demand things be done a certain way, but she respects our parenting. The most important thing, in my opinion, is finding someone reliable and loving. Kids need kindness, affection, and someone sensible. She does not have a college degree (although she has an associates) but she is very smart. Her own children--who are lovely, kind and high achieving-- are testaments to her nurturing and parenting skills. We have had not a single problem with her at all and are constantly singing her praises. Unfortunately we will have to let her go soon, as my daughter will be attending a school and we can't afford to keep her on--that's the hardest part, the nanny is so much more than an employee--she's an integral part of your family and your child's life! We are not letting her go until she finds a job, and she will continue to babysit for us, but its a phase of our daughter's life that will be ending soon and it makes us all a little teary.

[Anonymous]

There are only a handful of nannies that actively comment and post on here. I am sorry you are horrified by what you read on these forums but I must tell you that there are great nannies out there. You have to take your time with interviews and make sure references check out and such, but don't let a handful of nannies make you think that all nannies are terrible.

Signed,
A nanny who is passionate about working with children and rarely responds/posts on this forum. I generally read the posts as entertainment, because sadly that's what this forum has become.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can totally understand your apprehension in your feelings toward hiring a nanny for your son in the future.

While I agree, some of the stories on here can be quite sordid, remember this is a forum and honestly..NO ONE wants to come on here and hear about how perfect everything is in the Nanny World. If everything were perfect for everyone, nobody would need this forum.
The ones who have issues are the ones who need this forum to either vent or seek advise and/or guidance.

I am a wonderful Nanny who loves what I do.
I have a great relationship w/a few of my families and they know as well as the kids, that I truly LOVE their kids w/every ounce of my heart.

I most recently started working for first-time parents of a "special needs" child w/a rare condition and understandably they were very nervous the first week or two.
Me and their child have formed a tight bond and now I can see they are feeling more and more comfortable leaving him along w/me.

Good Nannies do exist. Good people do exist.

Don't let a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

Look at it this way, all of the nannies who are 120% content w/their jobs and all of their Mom and Dad Bosses's are not going to come on a forum such as this and simply brag how great the set-up they have is and how happy everyone is and how perfect everything is going.

Yawn!!
That would make this a very boring and dull forum, right??

[Anonymous]

Also, the people responding are (almost) all anonymous. There's no telling if someone claiming to be a nanny is really a nanny, or if someone claiming to be a MB is actually a MB.

Go to the main forum and read the relationship forum. They're almost always about how miserable the marriage is. Doesn't mean every marriage is destined for failure.

[Anonymous]

OP I wouldn't ever hire a random nanny. Esp after reading DCUM nanny forums. You're not alone. Many will always be bitter and resentful and feel inferior and that will rub off on your precious children. I wouldn't risk it! Esp when they're young kids.

[Anonymous]

Likewise, if I was 20 and considering a nanny career, I'd be scared to death if the MBs on this forum were representative of nanny employers out there.
The fear goes both ways, ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Likewise, if I was 20 and considering a nanny career, I'd be scared to death if the MBs on this forum were representative of nanny employers out there.
The fear goes both ways, ladies.

+1 some of the MB responses on here scare the crap out of me and I have to push it out of my mind when dealing with my employers, and realize THEY would never say or think some of these things, and though we may disagree they probably aren't trying to screw me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, the people responding are (almost) all anonymous. There's no telling if someone claiming to be a nanny is really a nanny, or if someone claiming to be a MB is actually a MB.

Go to the main forum and read the relationship forum. They're almost always about how miserable the marriage is. Doesn't mean every marriage is destined for failure.

Excellent Point.